One Grimm Hangover
by WolfStar4
Summary: It's Monroe's bachelor party, and the guys decide to take him to Vegas. It's great, until they wake up with no memory of last night, some vague clues, and a missing groom. Inspired by a Grimm Kink Meme prompt, it's going to be on the silly side. N/M/B/H/R friendship, MonRosalee, and eventual Nick/Renard. Rated T for now. TWarnings in 1st Chapter (Abusive!Juliette)
1. Chapter 1

_Inspired by a prompt on the Grimm Kink Meme that basically wanted the Grimm gang in The Hangover (I'm posting at the end because spoilers). It killed my writer's block at any rate, so here we go... _

_Characters and concepts are not mine, I'm just borrowing them. I promise I will return them (mostly) none the worse for wear._

**Trigger Warnings: Discussion of emotional abuse and domestic violence (female on male/ Abusive!Juliette); Drug and alcohol use/abuse; Language; Non-explicit references to sex and sexual situations. Possible whump, possible dubcon.**

* * *

Nick packed the last of his things in the suitcase, going over his mental checklist one more time. Monroe and Rosalee were getting married in two weeks, and in order to avoid any problems, the bachelor and bachelorette parties were happening this weekend. Monroe told the guys the girls were going down to Disneyland. Nick looked up as he heard Juliette enter. She watched him with an icy stare he's grown used to.

"Did you remember everything? This isn't going to be like that time we went to San Diego and you forgot to pack underwear like an idiot, is it?" Nick shook his head. Since her amnesia episode, she's become very controlling and doesn't hesitate to drag out dirty laundry like blackmail. She's taken control of his finances, his e-mail, his phone; she claims he owes it to her after keeping his Grimm status from her for so long. She says it'll keep him safe. Nick feels like he deserves it, so he tries not to complain too much... however, he finds himself begging for overtime, just to have some time away from her. The Captain has been very good about granting it, and will often stay and talk to Nick about his cases. It was good to have the Royal on his side at any rate. But lately, Nick finds his mind wandering, thinking about the man with the impeccably pressed suits... and whether or not he would admit it, he wondered what the Captain looked like underneath... He was also spending a decent amount of time with his boss as Monroe and Rosalee had surprised many people asking Renard to be a groomsman. They confided in the Captain and Nick that they felt the extra protection would be helpful, considering how much ill-will was suddenly spilling forth from all directions toward their mixed-species marriage.

"So what are the rules again?" Nick rolled his eyes.

"No sex, no drugs, minimal drinking..."

"And you'll text me and let me know what's happening periodically, right?" Nick sighed and Juliette raiseed her eyebrows.

"Yes, ma'am." Nick looked at his phone, and tried not to let his relief show outwardly. Hank would be on his way to pick him up soon.

"Don't do anything stupid."

"No, ma'am."

XxXxX

About 15 minutes later, Nick and Hank pulled up outside Monroe and Rosalee's house. Renard volunteered to drive to the airport and keep his car there, and his sleek, expensive black sports car was already parked on the curb. Nick saw Bud talking to his wife, Phoebe, kissing her on the cheek before she drove away. Hank, Nick, and Bud greeted each other and Nick knocked on the door. Rosalee answered, looking a little frazzled. She smiled slightly as she let them in.

"Hi, guys..." Rosalee was not enjoying the wedding planning process at all. After the incident with Monroe's parents and feeling forced to ask her sister DeEtta to be maid of honor, Rosalee seemed to be on autopilot, throwing herself into her work and only making wedding-related decisions under extreme duress with a lot of support from Monroe. Nick felt badly, because he felt she deserved a fairy tale wedding after everything she'd been through; Monroe was more than proving he was a knight in shining armor disguised as a geek in flannel, and Nick was hoping with all he had that they would get their happy ending. She motioned into the living room, where Renard was talking on the phone, looking very suave in a nice suit as Monroe was looking something up on his phone.

"Oh, you can? That is absolutely wonderful! No, thank you, sir. Yes. Indeed. Thank you." Renard hung up, smiling up at the much larger Blutbad. "Done." Monroe's face broke into a huge smile, as if Renard had informed him that Christmas and Halloween would now both come twice a year.

"REALLY? Oh my God, you are awesome!" He hugged the Royal, who awkwardly clapped his shoulder. When they parted, they turned to the other men. "We're having dinner at Picasso!"

"Oh wow, honey!" Rosalee purred, taking her husband's hand. "I know you wanted to go there so badly." Monroe wrapped his bride-to-be in a tight hug and nuzzled her forehead.

"I'll test it, and if it's worthy of you, I'll take you sometime. I promise." She sighed, and Nick could see her starting to burrow into his chest; Fuchsbau often burrow when scared or stressed, and Monroe must have felt it as well, as he gently pulled her off. "Honey, it'll be fine." He took her hand in his. "I want you to relax and have fun, okay? It'll be fine." She nodded, and the two shared a smile. "Have fun at Disneyland," Monroe said with a strange lilt to his voice that made both of them start laughing.

"You, too." They kissed, and Monroe grabbed the handle of his small suitcase.

"Alright, gentlemen, shall we?" With one more kiss and a wink to his lady love, Monroe led the charge out the door to Renard's waiting vehicle.

* * *

_There will be more soon, I promise! Please R&R!_


	2. Chapter 2

_In which Monroe waxes poetic about his intended... And the drinking begins! Please R&R!_

* * *

The men made it to the airport, and checked in. The guys decided to surprise Monroe with an upgrade to first class, and Monroe couldn't stop smiling. Renard had arranged for a bottle of champagne, and before take-off, Monroe proposed a toast to them, and to Rosalee. It was only a two hour flight, but Monroe spent much of it huddled over a little notebook. Nick was seated next to him, and he craned his neck to look.

"Whatcha writing?" The tips of Monroe's ears turned red as he sheepishly showed Nick the notebook. It was a dense block to text in Monroe's distressingly perfect handwriting, but there were cross-outs, arrows, notes, and little doodled hearts with 'R.C.' and 'Rosalee' in them.

"We're writing our own vows... this may be the only time that I'm going to be able to lay everything out all at once, why I love her and my promises to her... I want them to be..."

"Perfect?" Nick asked with a smile.

"No, that's the weird thing; I'm not looking for perfect. I'm looking for right. If I was looking for perfect, I'd write her a poem. But I want the most honest words my soul can offer her..." he snorted quietly. "I sound like such a dork, don't I?" Nick shrugged, and Monroe continued. "You know, my Dad said he didn't think I'd ever get married because I'm a perfectionist. And he's right. You know it, I know it... Rosalee isn't perfect, and I know she isn't... but she's just right. She's my missing piece, and I'm hers, and together, we make a stronger, more beautiful whole... Like I never realized how empty my life was without her... or how much I want to be a father... how warm and tingly I feel when she takes my hand... how I'd do anything for her... how seeing her smile makes me feel like no matter what happens, we'll both be okay as long as we're together..."

"How she makes you doodle hearts like a preteen girl?" Both men chuckled. "Well, why don't you write that missing piece stuff down? That sounds pretty... right..." Monroe smiled slightly at the Grimm's suggestion, writing 'missing piece' in the margin.

"Well, it's how you feel about Juliette, right? Like you'd be missing something major if she was gone?" The question caught Nick off guard. Would he really miss the screaming? Would he miss the insults and put-downs? Her throwing things at him, punching him, slapping him? Ever since his zombie episode, he no longer bruised; he could feel pain and tenderness where a bruise ought to be, but there was never discoloration. Juliette was most pleased by this development, which she discovered when she smashed a plate into his face during an argument, He should have had a black eye, but his skin remained clear, even with the pain. She clearly had some deep-seated anger issues. He heard Monroe's voice once more.

"Umm, dude? You okay? You're going zombie-freakout on us. Please come back..." Nick shook himself.

"I think I need more to drink." Monroe nodded and caught the attention of a passing attendant, who brought them all small bottles of vodka.

"_Prost_!" Monroe said as they tapped their bottles together.


	3. Chapter 3

_In which Nick loosens up, some balls are figuratively busted (don't worry, literal ballbusting will come later), and a challenge is made._

* * *

The plane touched down in Las Vegas around 7 pm. The men all had carry-ons, so they were able to get off the plane fairly quickly. Monroe and Bud were debating the best way to get to the hotel while Nick, Hank, and Renard shared a smirk. They rounded a corner and a man was holding a sign that read 'Monroe's Bachelor Party', which the man in question almost walked right past before Renard grabbed his arm. The man led them outside to a black limo. The Blutbad was stunned.

"Shut the hell up! You're joking. You cannot be serious right now!"

"Do I joke? Ever?" the Royal raised his eyebrows, but couldn't keep the stony façade for long.

"Oh wow, I've never been in a limo before!" Bud commented as he climbed in. "This is really nice!"

"I've never been in one either, buddy," Monroe said. "Wow, I can't thank you guys enough for this!"

"Well, you only get married once..." Hank began.

"Unless you're Hank," Nick finished, and Hank rolled his eyes before continuing.

"But seriously, we know you and Rosalee are going to be happy, but we want to send you off into the new frontier in the best possible way."

"And also," Renard interjected, "you've been an invaluable asset to the City of Portland, and to all of us personally, so why not go big? You deserve it." Monroe looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Damn. If I had known what jumping out my window and wrestling a Grimm to the ground would lead to, I would have done it years ago!'

"Well, this is just the start. You're in for a hell of a weekend, my friend!" They shared a laugh, and Hank opened up the bar, pulling out another bottle of vodka.

'It'll take about half an hour to get to the hotel in this traffic. Our dinner reservation is for 9:30. Who's up for some shots? There are shot glasses right by Nick's head."

They set up the shot glasses, Hank poured, and Nick handed them out. Monroe sniffed his drink warily.

"This isn't plain vodka. What is this? It smells like pure sugar." Hank read the label.

"Ummm... says 'birthday cake'. Why, you don't want it?" Monroe shrugged.

"I'm not generally into the fancy flavored stuff, but I'll give it a try."

"Really?" Nick asked, faking exasperation. The other men looked at him questioningly, "You, King Snark of the Terrible Puns, are going to give the birthday cake vodka a _try_? I am so incredibly disappointed right now."

"Okay, fine, smartass, I'll give it a _shot_."

"Thank you! _Salud_!" They all threw back their shot, and it took a moment for them to register. Bud woged unintentionally. Hank didn't see it, but the other men did.

"This is the weirdest thing I think I have ever put in my mouth," Bud muttered as he pulled himself together.

"I don't know, I kinda like it," Renard commented, handing his glass back to Hank, "Give me another one so I can make sure."

"Okay, I don't want to go to dinner wasted, but I'm with him, I think I need another taste to be sure how I feel about it..." Monroe agreed, "Shit's stronger than I expected, though."

"It's not that strong, you wimp," Hank joked as he filled up the glasses again.

"No way, man, that's how this stuff gets you, it's so sweet you don't realize how much alcohol is in it until you wake up in the gutter. You're a cop, you should know that,"

"Nah, I think the big, bad Blutbad is a wuss. Now drink your alcohol, there are sober kids in India or something."

"Just watch me, Kehrseite. I bet I could drink all of you under the table."

"Okay, that is a bet I will not be partaking in. Phoebe would kill me," Bud commented in his typical nervous manner. Monroe gently patted his shoulder.

"Okay, Bud's exempt. But the rest of you? It is ON. Prost!"

"Prost!"

The rest of the limo ride was spent looking at the lights on the Strip and chatting happily as their buzz grew. They polished off the bottle of vodka just as the limo pulled up to the hotel.

'I think Rosalee would like that a lot. Remind me to get her some for her birthday."

"Hey, Monroe, get Rosalee some birthday cake vodka for her birthday!"

"Thanks, Nick. Are you going be like this all weekend?"

"Possibly." Monroe rolled his eyes, but, try as he might, he couldn't muster any real annoyance. It was good to see Nick was relaxing for once. Maybe this little weekend getaway would do him some good.

"Well, I'm gonna text Rosalee that we're here. You guys should probably let Juliette and Phoebe know, too."


	4. Chapter 4

_In which we see the suite, and Renard becomes Sean. _

* * *

As Monroe, Nick, and Bud were texting the ladies in their lives, Renard and Hank made their way over to the desk for check-in. Nick was frustrated to see no less than five 'Where are you?' texts from Juliette. This was not going to be fun... oh well, he supposed he could ignore some of them, at any rate... Renard came back over with a slight smile.

"Shall we, gentlemen?" he asked, waving his arm toward the elevator. They got in, and Nick could see Monroe visibly shaking with excitement... or perhaps it was the sugar/alcohol buzz from the birthday cake vodka. Renard inserted a keycard into the slot, and the number 29 flashed on a small screen.

"Our floor is accessible by key card only, so when I give you these, don't lose them," the Captain muttered. They finally reached their floor, and the elevators opened. Renard steered them to the right, and eventually they found their room. He turned to Monroe. "You ready for this?" Monroe shook his head.

"Probably as ready as I'm gonna get, though..." Renard opened the door and held it open as Monroe walked in; the other followed. Monroe stopped cold and just stared ahead at the giant panoramic windows facing the Strip and the Bellagio's famous fountains.

"This is a dream. This isn't real, this can't be real... Oh my God, is this actually real?" Monroe muttered before turning to his companions. They were all similarly standing agog at the view before them, except for Renard, who was smirking.

"Welcome to your penthouse suite," the Royal said, clapping Monroe on the shoulder, "come, let's have a look around." The suite was large and sumptuous, with three bedrooms and seven bathrooms. Renard turned to the group, all of whom looked absolutely gobsmacked. "I think this will do nicely, don't you gentlemen agree?" They all nodded, still dazed. Renard chuckled and checked his watch. "Well, we have about an hour before dinner, so once you pick your jaws up off the floor, we can start figuring out what we plan to do this weekend. I'm going to go freshen up. I think the Man of the Hour gets the Master Bedroom. Each of the other rooms has two beds, and they both look about the same... Oh, for God's sake, Klaustreich got your tongues? What, you've never been in a place like this?" All four men shook their heads. "Oh... well, anyway, welcome to the high life, my friends..." With that, Renard took his bag, turned, and headed toward one of the bedrooms.

"This place is probably worth more than I make in a year," Bud muttered.

"Us, too, probably." Nick agreed. He was starting to wrap his brain around it all, when he heard Hank rustling behind them. Of course Hank found the bar.

"I think this calls for some more alcohol..." he joked. "Let's see what they've got in here..." Nick watched Monroe go over to the window and start taking pictures with his phone. The fountain show started below as Hank handed Nick and Bud shots. They walked over and joined Monroe, watching the fountains.

"This is just... wow... I don't even know anymore..." Monroe stuttered, clearly at a loss. He took his shot, smiled at his friends, offered another "Prost!" and turned back to the window. "I wish Rosalee could see this... this is just amazing..." Hank snorted.

"I think we might have to start a drinking game... take a shot every time you say Rosalee's name."

"That might not be such a good idea," Bud interjected, "we'd probably all die of alcohol poisoning!" The Blutbad held up his hands.

"I'm sorry, I've just been so worried about her. She's been so stressed... I hope she can relax and have fun this weekend..."

"More alcohol?" The group turned to see Renard had changed out of his suit and into a nice olive green polo shirt and khakis. Nick couldn't help notice the green shirt really brought out his eyes. The Captain noticed them staring at him. "What? Aren't we here to relax and have fun?"

"Yeah, but..."

"No buts, Nick. For the rest of this weekend, I am not your boss, I am not the Captain, and I'm certainly not a Prince. I'm just Sean, looking to show my buddies a good time, and send a good man off to a long and happy marriage, alright? Now, where's my shot? I'm itching to show the Blutbad what a Zauberbiest can handle." Hank poured him one while refilling the other glasses. "_Santé_!"

"Santé!"


	5. Chapter 5

_In which the guys play Never Have I Ever and get a little hammered..._

* * *

Nick and Hank played Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who was going to share a bedroom with their boss. Sean or not, the thought was still pretty intimidating. Nick lost in the best of three, and he went to put his things in the room. He found Sean's clothes neatly hung up in the closet. Nick changed quickly and went back out to the main portion of the suite.

"Okay," Monroe began excitedly, "Picasso is French and Spanish cuisine... and I'm covering this. It's my thanks to you guys for all of this..."

"Monroe, calm down! You're shaking!" Nick put his hand on his friend's shoulder and felt a tremor, almost as if the Blutbad had consumed entirely too much coffee.

"I think it's the sugar from that damn cupcake vodka catching up to me... I need to eat something..."

"Well, then, let's go!" Sean said as he herded them out the door.

Dinner was delicious, and each course was paired with a fantastic wine; Nick had to admit, Monroe had great taste. The men sat and talked, enjoying the food and each other's company, planning out the next day's activities.

When they got back to the room two hours later, Hank once more raided the bar and made his way over to the big table near the window.

"You know what we should do? I haven't done this since college, but we should play 'Never Have I Ever'. I used to love that..."

"I've never heard of it," Bud said warily.

"It's kind of like Truth or Dare," Nick explained, "except you start each sentence with 'Never have I ever...', and if anyone who's playing has done that thing, they have to drink. For example, if I say never have I ever... I don't know, had sex with Rosalee; whoever has had sex with Rosalee would have to drink." Nick noticed Monroe glaring at him.

"I had better be the only one drinking to that..." the Blutbad muttered. The other men assured him he was.

"Now, the way we used to play, if you were the only one drinking, you'd have to explain yourself, but since you're living together AND she's marrying you, I would hope she would be giving it up... how about we do this bottle of banana rum and then we'll switch to beer?"

"Do we have to chug the beer?"

"No, it's just sips." Sean reassured him. "Also, to avoid really weird, esoteric stuff, I propose a rule that if nobody drinks, the person who made the statement has to drink." They all nodded in agreement as Hank set up the shots.

"Okay, Monroe, you can start." The Blutbad thought for a moment.

"Never have I ever cheated on the person I was dating." Hank took his shot.

"There's a reason I've been married four times, guys... okay, never have I ever owned a motorcycle." Monroe took a shot.

"When I was younger, I restored this Indian bike... the one Angelina had. I loved that bike... I gave it to her when we broke up. Sean's turn."

"Never have I ever proposed marriage to somebody," Sean said with a smirk as all of his companions took a drink.

"NOT FAIR, dude." Monroe grumbled. It was Nick's turn.

"Never have I ever started laughing inappropriately at a funeral." Monroe, Sean.

"Never have I ever been out of the United States." Monroe, Hank, Sean.

"Never have I ever flown in a private plane."

"Does it count if I was a zombie and don't remember it?"

"Close enough, you've done it." Nick, Sean.

"Never have I ever cried over a fictional character." Monroe, Nick, Sean, Bud. "Really, guys?'

"Bambi's mom," Nick said. Hank thought a moment, then threw back his shot as well.

"Bambi's mom. And Old Yeller. And that's our bottle of rum. Do you want to see if I can find another or switch to beer?"

"I'd like to remember where I am in the morning, so I say beer," Monroe commented, and the others nodded in consensus. Hank brought over some bottles. Sean began again.

"Never have I ever eaten haggis."

"One of the English profs had a Burns Night supper when I was in undergrad. NEVER again." Monroe muttered as he took his drink.

"Never have I ever read a 'For Dummies' book." Bud, Hank.

"Never have I ever gone cow-tipping." Hank, Monroe. They continued into the night, watching the lights and fountains below, and eventually the questions got racier.

"Never have I ever been too drunk for sex." Nick, Hank.

"Never have I ever had sex in front of a camera." Monroe raised his beer to his lips, then looked suspiciously at his compatriots.

"None of you?" Four heads shook in response. "Ever? I don't think I believe you..."

"Angelina?" Hank asked.

"No, Rosalee." Hank chuckled.

"No, not sweet, innocent little Rosalee!"

"Sweet, innocent Rosalee is a Fuchsbau vixen. And they are the textbook definition of 'lady in the streets, freak in the sheets'. And anywhere else they decide they want you... some of the freakiest stuff I've ever done was with her, with the promise of a lot more. And if you _ever_ mention it to her, I will kill you." Hank held up his hands in defense.

"Noted!"

"Never have I ever had a food-based sexual experience." Monroe, Hank, Nick.

"Never have I ever had sex outside." Monroe, Sean, and Bud drank.

"Really, Bud?"

"Why are you surprised? I'm an Eisbiber, we tend to like to... uh... consummate near rivers... okay, never have I ever had a one-night stand." Hank, Nick, and Sean drank.

"Never have I ever had sex in a sleeping bag." Monroe looked around, shrugged, tipped his beer to his lips, and muttered, "well, it's on _our_ list..." Hank started giggling.

"What do you mean, 'our list'?"

"It means exactly like what it sounds like. Rosalee and I have a bucket list of sorts, things we want to do, fantasies, role-play... We keep it in a drawer so we can add to it... and there's one we're saving for the next time it snows, saving each other from hypothermia and frostbite by sharing a sleeping bag..." The other men sat and thought for a moment until Sean broke the silence.

"That's actually kinda hot..."

"Phoebe and I have a list, too..." Bud agreed quietly. "Let's just say we're never bored." Hank mulled that over and giggled again.

"I guess I'll have to remember that if I get married again... I think this is going to have to be the last round, because I'm starting to see sounds..."

"It's your turn." Monroe and Sean reminded him in unison.

"Ummm... never have I ever... freeballed."

"What?" Bud sputtered, confused.

"Never gone commando... like, no underwear." Monroe clarified as he took a swig. Sean did as well.

"Never have I ever had sex with someone whose name I can't remember." Hank.

"Never have I ever been walked in on while masturbating." Sean, Hank, Bud.

"Point of order," Monroe raised a finger, "this refers to like, parents and roommates and stuff, not sex roleplay that involved someone walking in, right?"

"Ummm... what?" Nick was feeling very fuzzy, and the question didn't really make sense.

"Ummm... Rosalee likes to watch..."

"No... doesn't count... She really likes to watch? Juliette thinks it's gross."

"Katie liked to watch me... my third wife... I guess it depends on the woman... Okay, Bud, last one."

"Never have I ever had sex somewhere I could get caught." Bud said.

"I'm just gonna chug the rest of this," Monroe commented, holding up his beer. "I have some stories... none of which I'll be telling you guys."

"Aww, come on! Storyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Nick whined, and Monroe quirked his eyebrow.

"Really, Nick? Haven't you heard enough about my and Rosalee's sex life? Go to bed, ya pervert." Nick stared intently at his feet

"I don't know if I can stand..." he said quietly. Monroe laughed and helped him shakily to his feet.

"So the Grimm and the Kehrseite can't handle their alcohol... how are you doing, Sean?" Sean stood a little too quickly, held on to the table for a moment, composed himself, took two steps, and collapsed. Hank, Nick, Monroe, and Bud froze, staring at the Prince sprawled in a pile on the floor for a long, awkward, silent moment. Then Sean started laughing hysterically.

"You should see your faces! It's like you guys thought you broke me!" All of the men started laughing together, and Nick lost his battle with gravity and collapsed on the floor as well.

"So you all concede to the superior ability of the Blutbaden to hold our liquor?" Monroe asked loudly through his laughter. Sean reached up to him.

"I'll concede to whatever you want, you magnificent bastard... help me up!"

"Me, too!" Nick cried, scooting over next to Sean. Sean caught Nick's eye and winked. Monroe reached down to pull Sean up, but he and Nick grabbed the Blutbad's arms and pulled him down onto the floor in another fit of giggles.

'DOGPILE!" yelled Hank, as he and Bud sat on top of Monroe as he struggled to breathe through his laughter. They all laughed so hard, tears were streaming down all of their cheeks. Monroe sat up, still the most sober of the bunch, looked at the scene around him, smiled and said simply:

"God, I love you stupid fuckers so much."


	6. Chapter 6

_In which Sean makes some bad puns, and sober thoughts become drunken words._

* * *

Nick and Sean said goodnight to Bud and Hank and made their way to their room, still laughing. They got changed in the separate bathrooms and literally fell into their separate beds. After a few minutes, Sean started snickering in the darkness.

"What?" Nick asked.

"I'm trying to come up with a new chemistry pun, but all the good ones Argon!" Nick snorted.

"You're crazy, man!"

"When I'm drunk, I tend to tell chemistry jokes. I'm really in my element!"

"You do this a lot?" Nick questioned. His face was starting to hurt from smiling.

"Yeah, I do it... periodically!" Nick laughed. Sean was actually a more interesting guy than he thought.

"What do you do with a dead chemist?"

"I dunno, what?"

"You Barium!" Sean started giggling while Nick processed the pun. Nick eventually got it, and started laughing uproariously.

"Oh my GOD, we have to tell Monroe that one! Let's go tell him!"

Nick and Sean crept through the suite giggling, making their way to the master bedroom. They knocked on the closed door.

"Yo," Monroe called, and they went in. Monroe was sitting in bed, playing with his phone. He looked up at the Grimm and the Royal, both grinning like idiots.

"What? You wanna prank Bud and Hank or something?" Sean's eyes went wide.

"Oh my Goooooooood! We should!" he slurred. Monroe snorted and waited. They were still standing with crazy smiles... it was getting to be disconcerting.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" he prodded.

"Oh, yeah!" Nick remembered why they were there. "Sean told a chemistry joke... what do you do with a dead chemist?" Monroe looked from Nick to Sean and seemed a little confused.

"Umm... what?"

"You BARIUM!" they shouted together before collapsing on the foot of Monroe's bed in a fit of giggles. Monroe smiled.

"Wow, and Rosalee thinks mine are bad..." Nick crawled up the bed toward him.

"Monrooooooooooe... I'm Rosaleeeeeeeeeeeeee... gimme kisses, my big Blutbad... let's make another sex taaaaaaaaape... in a sleeeeeeeeeeeeeping bag..." Monroe gently pushed on Nick's forehead, preventing his forward motion.

"Nick, you are drunk off your ass. Now go the fuck to bed before I knock you out myself and give you a black eye you're gonna have to explain to Juliette..." Nick gave up on trying to get closer to Monroe and started hugging his legs instead.

"It doesn't work like that anymore." Monroe cocked his head.

"What do you mean, 'it doesn't work like that anymore'?" Nick found Monroe's kneecap strangely comfortable.

"I don't bruise anymore. Like, if I get a cut, you can see it, but Juliette hits me and I don't bruise." The words hit Monroe like a truck. He put his phone down and sat up a little straighter.

"Dude, she _hits_ you?" Nick nodded. The blanket felt really nice against his cheek.

"Yeah. Sometimes she just smacks me, but sometimes she hits me with stuff. This one time, she broke a plate on my face." Monroe felt panic rising.

"Nick? You're too drunk to be making shit up, right? Because that's really... this is really serious..." Nick rolled over on his back.

"I don't like her anymore. She got sooooooooooooo mean after the zombie thing... but I can't leave her because she controls my life! My finances, my e-mail, fucking EVERYTHING!"

"Umm, Sean, are you hearing this shit? Sean?" Monroe nudged Sean with his foot, but the Captain was asleep, dead to the world. Fuck.

"Nick, buddy, you've got to get out of there. What if she seriously hurts you?" Nick started sobbing.

"But I OWE her! I kept my secret too long, she deserves to be angry." Something deep and paternal clicked in Monroe's head, and he pulled Nick up and gave him a hug. Nick wiped his eyes on Monroe's shoulder. Monroe started to gently rock back and forth as if comforting a baby.

"No, buddy... okay, yes, she deserves to be angry, but not like that! Nobody deserves to get beat up, ever. And it's not your fault..." Monroe felt like a dumbass. How could he have missed this? Nick was his best friend... after Rosalee, of course... Rosalee had even mentioned multiple times that she was worried there was something going on... damnit! Monroe was usually pretty perceptive, what the hell had he missed? He silently cursed himself as Nick's crying became sniffles.

"I don't wanna go back to her," the Grimm mumbled quietly. "I wanna run away and I wanna be happy like you're happy with Rosalee... And she's happy with you... And you're gonna have adorable foxy-wolf puppies and you're gonna be happy and love them and I'm gonna be their Uncle and I'm gonna love them sooooo much... And I'm gonna spoil them rotten. You should have a little girl. You and I will spoil her to death!" Monroe smiled a bit at the thought of a miniature Rosalee with his dark curls and hazel eyes. His little princess, that he would spoil like he desperately wanted to spoil her mother... Huh, maybe he was more like Rhett Butler than he thought when Rosalee wrote _Gone with the Wind_ on their List... But that was not nearly as important right now. Monroe kept his arms wrapped around Nick until the Grimm passed out asleep. He gently laid Nick down on the bed, covering him and Sean in blankets. Nick mumbled something about Sean, but Monroe couldn't understand it. Monroe gathered up his phone charger and his clothes for tomorrow before leaving the room and closing the door. He checked on Hank and Bud, then went into the room Nick and Sean had claimed. He flopped down on the bed closest to the door, trying to process what had just happened. He settled under the covers, fidgeting with his phone before deciding to send Rosalee a text.

**2:14 AM**

**You were right about Juliette.** A few minutes later, his phone buzzed.

**2:17 AM**

**Are you sure? That's serious.**

**2:18 AM**

**He's drunk as a skunk, I don't think he's lying.**

**2:20 AM**

**Don't bring up in front of the other guys unless you have to.**

**2:21 AM**

**I'll see what I can do. Love you. Thanks for not beating me.**

**2:22 AM**

**Spanking doesn't count? Love you too.**

Monroe's head fell back onto the pillow and he stared at the ceiling. He had to talk to Nick sober. He had to talk to him alone. Would he deny it without the alcohol to loosen his tongue? He _had_ to verify before he started to think of ways to get Nick out. Juliette _had_ had a change in personality after her coma, becoming more aggressive and competitive, but had it really escalated that far? He thought again of his beloved Rosalee; would he have the strength to leave her if she started beating him? Would she do such a thing? He pulled up a photo of her on his phone. He concentrated on her smile, knowing that her two front bottom teeth are false, knocked out by an old boyfriend during her "rough patch". When she told him that story, he had taken her into his arms and promised her and himself that she would never live through that again. He sighed and turned his phone off, promising the ceiling that if Nick was telling the truth, if Juliette was abusing him, they would find a way to get him out and they would make sure he never went through that again. He eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep as the lights continued to burn on the Las Vegas Strip.


	7. Chapter 7

_In which Hank gets pushy, the guys gamble a bit, and the best is made of a disappointment._

* * *

Nick woke up Saturday morning curled in a ball under a fluffy blanket in the master bedroom. Sean was curled up under another blanket at the foot of the bed. Nick's head still felt a little fuzzy as he got out of bed and made his way to the main portion of the suite. He found Monroe sitting at the table watching out the window with a newspaper and a couple of giant pitchers of orange juice and water.

"Morning," the Blutbad said quietly, pouring a glass of water and handing it to the Grimm, who sat heavily, rubbing his eyes. "How did you sleep?"

"How did we end up in your room?"

"You don't remember?" Nick shook his head and took a big gulp of water.

"You and Sean decided that chemistry puns were too funny to save for the morning... What's the last thing you remember?" Nick racked his brain.

"Dogpile on the floor..." Monroe nodded, then looked around warily.

"Nick, umm, last night, you said some stuff... about Juliette..." Nick froze. Monroe read the look on his face, and sighed. "It's true isn't it?" Nick tried to reestablish his poker face, but Monroe's expression got even more worried. He spoke quietly but urgently.

"No, no, no! No zombie freak out... But she does hit you, doesn't she? And she's taken over everything? You weren't making that up, were you?" Nick wanted to lie, wanted to smile and say it had been the alcohol talking. He certainly didn't want to ruin Monroe's weekend... But Monroe's understanding hazel eyes were so full of concern... Nick said nothing, and Monroe sighed and his head fell back. "I'm a terrible friend. Rosalee has been telling me for months that she suspected something wasn't right... I guess I just got caught up in this whole wedding thing... I'm so sorry, man." He laid a heavy hand on Nick's shoulder. "It isn't your fault. Rosalee and I will help you, whatever you need from us..." Nick wasn't sure what to say, but he wasn't surprised. Of course Rosalee had sussed out the situation, and whatever he told Monroe last night confirmed it.

"Can we enjoy the weekend? And we'll go from there?" Nick asked weakly. Monroe nodded.

"I'm serious, though, whatever you need, just ask... I don't know for sure if Rosalee would be willing to share the house with you after we're married, but we'll figure something out. But we'll get there when we get there. Let's have fun. Drink your water, and when everyone else gets up, we'll find some food, okay?"

The next man up with Sean. He wandered through the suite in his pajamas, and stopped when he saw Nick and Monroe sitting at the table.

"How did I end up in your bed, Monroe?" he asked.

"You and Nick were drunk and you wandered in. When you passed out, I went and slept in your room. Want some orange juice or water? You were pretty wasted last night."

"Orange juice is good... How wasted?

"You told a bunch of bad chemistry jokes. They got a real _reaction_." Sean groaned and rubbed his forehead.

"So it got to the chemistry puns?" He paused. "Nick, do you remember that?"

"No."

"The fact neither of you remember much is somewhat frightening. I had nearly twice as much to drink as you guys, and yet I was the one still upright, I was playing Drunk Mom, and I still remember what happened... Either I'm a super-heavyweight drinker or you guys are lightweights." Hank then shuffled in with Bud behind him.

"Water... Headache."

"Good morning to you two as well. Do you both remember last night?" Hank shook his head.

"I remember enough to decree that if we're going to get Monroe drunk at any point this weekend, we need to start NOW and then around dinner the rest of us can join. This is your weekend, you deserve to at least get a little loose."

"But it's only 9:30!" Bud protested. Hank wandered over to the bar and pulled out another bottle of vodka. He got a glass, walked over to the table, made a fifty-fifty mixture of vodka and orange juice and pushed it toward Monroe.

"You are going to start drinking now." Monroe raised his eyebrows.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. It's not fair, you should be the most messed up of all of us. So you're drinking now. Post!"

"You mean Prost?"

"Shut the hell up and drink already." Monroe shrugged and drank his screwdriver. Hank turned to Sean. "What do we have planned today?"

"Some casino time, then the CSI Experience at the MGM Grand..."

"Ummm, why?" Bud asked, "don't you guys do the CSI stuff as part of your day jobs?"

"We're curious about it, whether or not it's accurate..." Nick answered.

"Then we're going to see a Cirque Du Soleil show, and then we're going to see some burlesque dancers."

"And we're getting this man drunk, one way or another," Hank muttered, preparing Monroe another screwdriver..

"You really don't have to..." Monroe started to protest, but Hank shut him down with a withering glare that even made Nick flinch. Monroe took the drink. "Okay. Prost. Now, about breakfast..."

XxXxX

Half an hour later, the men were dressed and on the elevator going down to the casino. They would grab a quick breakfast and coffee on the floor and then indulge in some gambling. Monroe suggested that, in the interest of not going broke, each of the guys only carry the cash they were willing to bet, leaving their credit cards upstairs. Hank insisted on Monroe drinking a Bloody Mary with breakfast, which the Blutbad took without complaint. They split up, agreeing to reconvene in two hours time. Bud and Sean went in the direction of the slot machines, while Nick, Hank, and Monroe made their way to the card tables. Monroe kept pulling out his phone and playing with it. Hank stayed with Monroe, making sure he was getting a steady flow of alcohol, much to the Blutbad's annoyance. Nick blew his $100 pretty quickly on games of poker, and wandered over to where Hank and Monroe were playing Blackjack.

"How are you even doing this?" Hank asked as Nick came up behind them.

"Just a lucky streak, I guess," Monroe commented, tapping the table for a hit. The dealer, a cheery blonde whose name tag said "Dorothy" in a low-cut blouse, went bust, and Monroe won with 19. The next hand, Monroe had blackjack. He smiled. "Awesome. Last hand... How about we go double or nothing, _mausi_?" He flashed a smile and the dealer giggled.

"Your fiancée is a lucky woman," she commented with heavy German-accented English. Of course Monroe would ferret out a German-speaker.

"Not nearly as lucky as I am to have her, Frau Dorothea." Dorothea dealt the cards.

"House has 18."

"Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, _mein_ _zaubermaus_, but I have 20."

"Aww, that is fine. You were most lucky today!"

"I had something worth playing for, so Lady Luck smiled upon me." Monroe collected his chips, pulled one out of the pile, and handed it to her as a tip.

"For you, Frau Dorothea." The girl's eyes went wide, and she momentarily woged Mauzhertz. That at least explained why he had chosen the endearment he had, calling her little mouse.

"But Sir, it is too much!"

"I insist. A lovely young lady such as yourself... For your schoolbooks? _Ja_?" She smiled and wiped her eyes.

"_Danke_. And many happy years for you and your _Schatz._"

"_Auf Wiedersehen." _Monroe carried his winnings over to the little window as Hank and Nick followed.

"Did you really just give her a thousand dollar tip?" Hank asked. Monroe shrugged.

"Why not? You were with me the entire time, wouldn't you? After everything she told us about herself?"

"What did I miss?" Nick wondered aloud as Monroe got a little slip in return for his chips that he immediately tucked into his wallet. They started walking toward their meeting place, looking for Sean and Bud.

"Miss Dorothea is an exchange student from Germany. Ulm, specifically, the birthplace of Albert Einstein. She's studying hotel management and tourism. She is interning here, living off her tips. It's sad, too, they made her Americanize her name tag... She was sweet, especially after the streak I just had, it seemed only fair."

"How did you do that, anyway? That was just... amazing. You weren't counting cards, were you?" Monroe froze, looked around, and said:

"I can assure you, I have no idea what you're talking about. I just got very lucky and I knew when to quit before my luck ran out." Hank laughed and slapped his shoulder.

"Why am I not surprised? Let's get you another drink!"

"Fine, whatever, but don't say shit like that unless you want to get us pulled into a room and interrogated, okay? Not how I'd like to spend today." They found Bud and Sean waiting for them. Sean looked a little sour while Bud was grinning.

"Hey guys, what happened?"

"Sean's mad because I won a hundred bucks."

"I'm not mad, but the machine I was using was clearly defective." Nick patted Sean's shoulder.

"Well, Monroe apparently flirted his way to big money at Blackjack."

"I was NOT flirting! She was a sweet young lady, an exchange student from Germany..."

"A Mauzhertz..." Nick interjected.

"So not important right now. Anyway, she's doing an internship, living off her tips..."

"And Monroe almost charmed her out of her pants by talking about Rosalee. You could see the poor girl falling in love with him as he showed her Rosalee's picture and was telling her all this stuff about her, calling her... what did you call Rosalee again?"

"_Mein Schatz__. _My treasure."

"I don't even know how he did it, but he did. It was like he turned into a Ziegevolk all of a sudden... And then he gave her a thousand dollar tip," Hank said, and Bud's mouth fell open.

"You can afford that?" Monroe shrugged.

"Let's just say I won enough that I felt it would be a nice gesture. Anyway, shall we go back to the room and get ready to go out?"

XxXxX

Half an hour later, the group stepped out into the bright sunlight of the Las Vegas Strip.

"We're going to the MGM Grand, which is this way." Sean said, leading the way. They stopped multiple times to be tourists, taking pictures, including some very silly ones with the miniature Eiffel Tower across the street at Paris. They made their way down the bustling street until they reached their destination. As they were approaching, they head screams from across the street. Bud woged nervously.

"What was that?" the Eisbiber sputtered. Monroe saw where the noise was coming from and pointed up at New York-New York.

"Oh my God, they have a roller coaster!" He started bouncing up and down. "If we have time, can we ride it, pleeeeeeeeeease? It's been forever since I've ridden a roller coaster..." Monroe looked to Nick, who looked to Sean, who shrugged.

"If you'd like. We'll see how we feel after we do this, okay?"

"'Kay!"

"You really are a big puppy, aren't you?" Hank snickered. The Blutbad's smile disappeared.

"You can ask me again once we get inside if you'd like to become a permanent part of the exhibit." He stared Hank down, but couldn't keep a straight face long. "You should see your face right now! Don't worry, I'm not gonna bite you. Now let's go solve a murder like it's not our day job!"

"Well, it's not _your_ day job," Sean muttered.

"Feels like it sometimes." They went inside and were ushered into a holding area. They were given a clipboard and some paper, but the experience was more geared toward children and families. At some point, while looking at the crime scene which involved a body that had been stabbed in the chest, Monroe started laughing so loudly it scared a nearby family with kids who could not have been older than seven.

"Care to share your amusement?" Sean asked, clearly disappointed in the experience. Monroe whispered something in his ear, and soon Sean was laughing, too. "Yes, that would make this much, much more interesting!"

"What?" Hank, Nick, and Bud crowded closer, whispering.

"Taureus-Armenta! Sic 'em, Nick!" Hank, Nick, and Bud started laughing as well.

"No, no, it's a Manticore!" Hank whispered and they started laughing harder.

"Or a Mordstier!" Sean commented, leaning on Monroe to keep from falling over as another family walked by giving them funny looks.

"Can you imagine?" Hank laughed, "'CSI: Wesen'?"

"Or 'Law and Order: Wesen Victims Unit'!" Sean added.

"I'd watch the hell out of it!" Monroe laughed. "Come on, let's see if we have any evidence we can submit to the Wesen Council..." The exhibit was much more interesting with this spin, although Monroe was slightly offended when Bud commented that the killer may have been a Fuchsbau because they robbed the victim as well. He got over it fairly quickly, though, after Nick suggested that the killer was a Mellifer because the exhibit made such a big deal about a certain type of pollen being left behind. They walked out of the exhibit, and Sean turned to the group.

"Sorry about that..." Monroe clapped his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it. We made the best of it. You can make it up to me by taking me on the roller coaster across the street."

"And then it's back to trying to get Monroe drunk!" Nick joked as they headed out toward New York-New York.


	8. Chapter 8

_In which Sean rides his first roller coaster and Nick volunteers to be the designated sober person._

* * *

The men crossed the Strip to New York-New York and found the ticket window for the roller coaster. Monroe was bouncing on the balls of his feet with a goofy smile on his face watching the ride run above him.

"I'm going to sit this one out if you don't mind," Bud stuttered, looking a little green, "I don't do roller coasters." Monroe turned to Sean, who was also looking a little pale.

"You okay, Sean?"

"I, uh... I've..." he mumbled something, forgetting Nick's super-hearing.

"You've never been on a roller coaster? How have you survived life this far?" Nick said, grabbing his arm, "Come on, you're gonna love it!"

"But... It goes upside down..."

"That's even better!" Hank assured him. Sean looked pathetically at Bud, who waved as Monroe, Hank, and Nick steered him toward the ride.

"So seriously, how have you never been on a roller coaster?" Monroe asked as they waited in line. Sean shrugged.

"My mother has no stomach for them..." When they got to the front of the line, Hank and Monroe were directed to the front of the car while Nick and Sean were seated toward the back. Sean started to hyperventilate a bit as the restraint was lowered over his shoulders. Nick wasn't sure what made him do it, but he reached out and squeezed Sean's hand in his own as the coaster began to move forward.

"It'll all be over in a couple minutes," the Grimm reassured the Prince, willing away the feeling of warmth from the Royal's skin. He started to pull his hand away, but instead Sean's hand closed around his in a crushing vice-grip as they went down the first drop. Nick screamed in exhilaration; Sean looked too terrified to make a sound. Eventually the ride was over and they pulled back in where they had started. Sean's hand was still latched onto Nick's, his face white.

"Did... Did I just die?" he asked Nick shakily as the restraints lifted.

"No." Nick leapt lightly from the train, adrenaline coursing through his veins, and extended his hand to Sean to help him down. Sean almost collapsed onto him. Nick hugged him a little as they went to find Monroe and Hank, who had apparently turned into college students, excitedly slapping each other's arms and shoulders like football players.

"That was AWESOME!"

"Fuck right that was awesome!"

"Will you two dude-bros calm the hell down? I'm trying to keep my breakfast from making a reappearance." Sean snarled. Monroe's expression changed to one of confusion, then to one of understanding, and Nick realized he was still holding Sean's hand as Sean was leaning heavily into him. He turned to Sean.

"Do you think you're okay now?" The Royal took two deep breaths, held his arms out, and nodded. Nick immediately felt alone as Sean stood on his own.

"The world has stopped spinning. How do people enjoy that?"

"Well, that is a bit much for your first one." Hank explained, "Normally you start on the kiddie coasters and build up to something like this... Although my first roller coaster went upside down. I was six."

"What was it? Do you remember?" Monroe asked, leading Hank away with a meaningful look at Nick.

"The Sea Serpent on the boardwalk in Wildwood, New Jersey. My mom loved roller coasters and as soon as I was tall enough to ride it, she took me on it. Said I nearly broke her fingers, but I've loved them ever since..."

"That's awesome! Oh, there's Bud!" The little Eisbiber scurried over to meet his friends.

"How was it?" he asked Sean, and the look on his face was all the answer needed. "Well, you know better for next time... While you were doing that, I was looking at food options... Sean, where's the Cirque show?"

"It's actually here. _Zumanity_. We have tickets for the 7 pm show. "

"Oh, good! There are a lot of options here, including an Irish pub... It looks really interesting... And they have a step-dancer..." Nick thought it was kind of adorable how Bud was trying not to ask to go to the pub; apparently Monroe thought so, too.

"Okay, I'm in. Any objections? ...Seeing none, lead on, Bud!" Bud scampered ahead excitedly, leading them to Nine Fine Irishmen. They stood around the menu, and Monroe frowned slightly.

"There isn't much choice in terms of vegetarian stuff, is there?"

"You eat fish, don't you?" Renard asked, his color finally back to normal. Monroe shrugged.

"Yeah... Fish and chips is always a good choice... I don't know, I guess Portland spoils me." They went in and were seated at a table by a large window. Their server was a sweet girl named Aubrey. Hank ordered Monroe a bottle of whiskey, continuing his crusade to get the Blutbad drunk. Monroe was playing with his phone again, and Nick saw a text to Rosalee.

"Monroe, if I see that phone again, I'm gonna take it from you. Let Rosalee enjoy her time at Disneyland." Monroe apologized and put his phone in his pocket. A band was setting up on a small stage, including a woman with red hair tuning a mandolin.

"Play 'Fields of Athenry'!" Monroe called. The woman smiled and walked over to the table carrying her mandolin.

"Have a taste for the sad songs, do we?" she asked with a thick brogue and a smile.

"Aren't the best Irish ballads sad?" came the rebuttal.

"Touché! And what brings the lads out today?"

"This guy's getting married in two weeks!" Hank answered squeezing Monroe's shoulders.

"Oh, well, congratulations, Luv! See, normally when we have a stag party they want to hear things like 'All For Me Grog' and 'The Wild Rover', good drinking sing-alongs. I think most people this side o' the Pond don't know 'Athenry' because it's so sad..."

"What's it about?" Bud asked, taking the question out of Nick's mouth.

"A man being sent to Botany Bay for stealing food for his family," Monroe answered.

"Aye, and a right sad piece it is... But since yer a right smart man who has something to celebrate, I'll see what we can do. What's yer name, darlin'?"

"Monroe."

"Well, Monroe, I'm Marcia. Pleasure." She shook his hand as he smiled. "And what's your lovely wee bird's name?" Nick cocked his head, confused. Thankfully, Hank looked just as confused. Fortunately, Monroe knew what she was asking.

"Rosalee." Monroe fished his phone out and showed her a picture. Marcia smiled.

"Ah, a right lovely thing she is!" He nodded, smiling back at her picture. "Been courtin' long?" Monroe nodded.

"Over a year, but I've been in love with her much longer."

"Ye fell hard and fast, did ye? But didn't know if she felt the same?" He nodded again.

"Well, if she's anywhere as smart as she is lovely, I think ye'll both be happy. I can tell she made a wise choice with ye. But I best be getting back up there, or me own husband will be thinking ye stole me!" She winked and went back up on stage.

"How the hell do you do that?" Hank asked.

"Do what?"

"Charm all the ladies like that."

"No idea. Was that charming? I thought it was kind of awkward. I've actually always been really awkward... I think you're making stuff up about me being charming." The band finished tuning their instruments and began playing"Star of the County Down" as Aubrey took their order. The pub started to fill up with people looking for an early dinner as Monroe finished the bottle of whiskey. Hank insisted he get another. As their food arrived, Marcia took the microphone.

"Hello, darlin's! Is everyone having a bloody good time?" The pub patrons cheered back, and Monroe raised his glass. "We've got a right nice request as we were settin' up from a nice bloke named Monroe. Stand up and say hi, Luv!" The tips of Monroe's ears turned red as he stood and waved. "Monroe found himself a right lucky bird who he's making into an honest woman in two weeks time, eh? Anyway, he requested 'Fields of Athenry', which is a right sweet little song, but very sad. So we're going to play the song, but first a toast to Monroe: May the roof over yer heads be as well-thatched as those inside are well-matched! _Sláinte_!"

"Sláinte!" As Marcia started singing the song in a hauntingly beautiful soprano, Aubrey came over with a tray full of drinks of all sorts.

"These are all drinks for the gentleman getting married, compliments of the other patrons." Monroe stared at the tray. There were some beers, some mixed drinks, and a small army of different shots.

"Umm, that's awfully nice of them..."

"And he thanks each and every one of them." Hank finished, putting them in a line. Monroe started to look genuinely upset.

"Hank, I have had two screwdrivers, three Bloody Marys, a bottle and a half of whiskey..."

"And you're going to keep drinking until you're drunk."

"But _why_?"

"Because."

"That isn't a reason!"

"...Because I want you to be able to get really loose. Lose control a bit. You're so uptight sometimes, you need to relax."

"This is a bad idea..."

"Of course it is. Isn't that the point of a bachelor party? Get messed up, do some stupid shit, go home to your girl as if nothing ever happened?" Monroe sighed and looked at the other men with him.

"If I drink all this shit..." he began slowly, "somebody has to be the designated sober person, because since I'm the only one who remembered last night, I need someone making sure I stay out of trouble. There's a _reason_ I'm uptight that we aren't going to get into. So who's it going to be? Bud? Nick? Who's our DD? Or DW..."

"DW?" Sean asked.

"Designated Walker. You know, makes sure we don't get hit by a bus?" In the end, Nick volunteered in order to avoid spilling any more secrets about Juliette.

"I'll do it," he said. "I'm the best man, it's kind of my job anyway." Monroe nodded.

"Don't let me get into fights. Don't let me woge. And DEFINITELY, for the love of everything holy and sacred, don't let me cheat. I still think this is a terrible, terrible idea, but I'm trusting you here, okay?"

"Okay."

An hour later, Monroe finished off the last of his drinks.

"How you feeling, big guy?" Hank asked. Monroe's head lolled to the side and he gave Hank a death glare.

"If I get sick, you're dead. I know where you sleep."

"Ooooookay, starting to see why you don't want to get drunk. You could have just said you're an angry drunk."

"Dunno if I'm an angry drunk. Never got drunk. Don't like being forced to drink. Also, not sure if that combination of drinks was a good idea." Sean checked his watch.

"We should start making our way to the theater. Are you okay to stand, Monroe?" Monroe stood and nodded. Hank looked incredulous.

"How the hell are you still standing?"

"Sheer force of will. Yoga and meditation. So what's this _Zumanity_ show?"

"You'll see," Sean said with a slight smile.


	9. Chapter 9

_In which Monroe finally gets drunk..._

* * *

They found the theater and were ushered inside. They were led to a large fluffy black and silver couch by the stage with a table. Monroe sat in the middle, Nick to his right, Hank to his left. Bud sat next to Hank, Sean next to Nick. A waitress came by to get their drink order, and Hank ordered a round of shots.

"Son of a bitch," Monroe mumbled, "when can I switch to beer?"

"How about this? After this show, we're going to see a burlesque show. When we get there, you can switch to beer. Deal?" Monroe made a small whining noise in the back of his throat, but didn't protest. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out.

"NOPE!" Nick said loudly, taking the phone from Monroe's hand before he even had the opportunity to look at whatever he had received. "MINE! I told you I would take it, and I am. And I am turning it OFF." Monroe tried to take his phone back, causing Nick to lean into Sean to keep it away. Nick actually enjoyed being back in Sean's personal space, and the Royal seems to not mind it very much either. Monroe was still swatting at his phone.

"Come onnnnnnnnnnnn..." the Blutbad whined. "You guys are so mean!" Nick managed to push Monroe off him, putting the phone in his back pocket opposite his own. He had turned his off to ignore the constant texts from Juliette; he knew there would be hell to pay when he got home, but he didn't really care right now. The waitress came back with their shots, and Monroe looked at Nick. "Okay, okay, now, Nick, I really, really need you to promise me that you won't get drunk."

"I promised you already!"

"Promise me again, damn it! Every other drink needs to be non-alcoholic, okay? Lots of water. Eat when you can..."

"What are you, my mother?"

"No, I don't think your mom would give you that kind of advice. Your mom would tell you to chop off my head, Bud's head, and Sean's head, take Hank and run like hell. Your mom doesn't like us, dude. Man, I thought she was gonna kill Rosalee, and then I'd have to fight her to the death... but that... that's when I fell in love with Rosalee. She hugged your mom! She hugged her, and your mom hugged her back. And I thought I was gonna DIE... but I fell in love with Rosalee. Ass over fuckin' teakettle. I mean, I already really liked her because she's pretty and smart and stuff, but man, right that second, I fell in LOVE... like a fuckin'... brick."

"So you're a chatty drunk?" Hank asked. Monroe shrugged.

"Told ya, I don't know. But now you mention it, I am talking a hell of a lot, aren't I? Make sure I shut up when the show starts. I don't wanna get thrown out..." Music started and a drag queen dressed in black walked out, introducing herself as Edie, the Mistress of Sensuality.

"Oh. It's _that _kind of show," Nick muttered to Sean, who nodded ever so slightly. There was a steady stream of alcohol for the table, and the show was very racy. At some point, Nick forgot to temper his drinking. He couldn't believe how much some of these acts were turning him on, especially two girls doing contortions, swimming in a shallow bowl that looked like a wine glass. And another girl with red hair doing a striptease on top of and around a television, with the implication that her lover was ignoring her for sports... Juliette did something very similar to that when they first moved in together. Nick suddenly became aware of a hand on his knee under the table. He looked at Monroe, but Monroe was biting on his knuckles as a woman in a schoolgirl outfit was doing an aerial hula-hoop routine. Monroe must have noticed Nick looking at him because he whispered loudly:

"She looks like Rosaleeeeeeeeee! She's sooooooo hot!" Nick then turned to Sean, and, sure enough, the hand moving up his leg was attached to his boss, who was staring forward as if in a trance. And maybe it was the alcohol, but Nick found he didn't mind; the Captain's hand was warm and gentle on his pant leg. The roaming hand got even more possessive during a segment involving two very athletic men wrestling. Nick found it incredibly sexy. He started to zone out a little as the images and the music and the feeling of Sean's hand on his leg lulled him into a hypnotic state. This was sexy. And it reminded him of what he had always known, but kept deeply hidden: Detective Nick Burkhardt, the Grimm of Portland, was bisexual. Monroe knew; when they were living together, Nick had gotten blackout drunk one night and admitted he had a crush on the Blutbad. The next morning, when he was sober, Monroe sat him down and told him, point-blank, he was flattered, but he didn't swing that way, he was in love with Rosalee, and Nick was more like his brother anyway. Nick got really upset, and started crying, ashamed.

"No, don't feel bad!" Monroe assured him, patting his shoulder. "That's who you are. Again, I'm flattered, but that's just not how I work, okay? Ziegevolk excluded, apparently, but that's different."

"Do you need me to find somewhere else to live? Is this going to make stuff weird?" Monroe laughed.

"Nah, my college roommate for two years was gay. I wouldn't go proposing a threesome to Rosalee, though... although, come to think of it, she might be into it..."

"Not a word of this to anyone, ever," Nick growled, wiping his eyes, and Monroe held up his hands.

"Okay, okay. But if you find a guy, he had better treat you right. You're like my little brother, okay? I will kick their ass..."

"I said, not a word. Ever. Again."

"Okay, okay, not a word."

Back in the present, the lights were on, and Sean's hand was no longer on his leg. Sean offered him a hand to stand with a smile. Nick smiled back, perhaps a little too widely. He felt a little fuzzy. Monroe was still sitting, staring intently ahead of him.

"You ready to go?" Hank asked with a slight hiccup.

"I'm waiting for Rosalee to come back."

"Rosalee wasn't here..."

"Uh huh... she did a hula hoop dance. I didn't know she could do that. I can't believe she wore that outfit in front of everybody, though, I thought that was in our private stash... but she does like to put on a show... " The guys all looked at each other.

"I think... I think he might be drunk now..." Hank whispered loudly. Bud put his hand on Monroe's shoulder.

"Monroe, I think she's getting changed. We should wait for her outside." Monroe nodded and stood. He swayed a bit, but eventually found his balance.  
"You sure she wants us to wait for her outside?" he asked before shuffling forward like a penguin.

"We're sure." Monroe threw his arm around Hank's shoulder.

"I am sooo glad I'm marrying Rosalee! I love her sooo much! She's sooooo pretty and smart and funny and she's awesome! She fuckin' saved my life like six times, too! She's soooo badass... and sooooo sexy." They made their way out to the street, Monroe still his arm still wrapped around Hank. Sean waved toward their next destination, but Monroe turned back to New York-New York, nearly strangling Hank in the process. His smile suddenly became a look of sheer panic.

"Oh my God, where is she? Did she leave without us? Did she get kidnapped? If somebody kidnapped her, I'll kill them..." He started walking back to the casino, dragging Hank with him. Nick, Sean, and Bud shared a look, and Nick got an idea.

"Wait, Monroe!" Nick yelled, jogging unsteadily to catch up. He pulled Monroe's phone out of his pocket. "Rosalee just sent me a text... she's going to meet us at... ummm..." he turned to Sean.

"The Flamingo," Sean supplied. Monroe nodded, turned around purposefully, made it about three steps, then stopped.

"Where's that?"

"This way." Sean directed the group back toward the Bellagio, explaining the Flamingo was the next block over across the street. They stopped to watch the fountains.

"That is soooooooooo pretty... I like fountains. Fountains are sooooo cool... my college had a fountain. They turned it off in the winter... and one year, the day they were gonna turn it back on, we filled it with dish soap. It was all fluffy and bubbly... I wish I'd played in it, but I had a test that day... I had sex in that fountain on a dare... during spring finals... Actually, it wasn't even my dare, the girl I was dating was rushing for Tri-Sig and she had to have sex in public and not get caught. I got brought before the sisters to verify she'd done it. It was really weird. Not the weirdest place I've ever had sex, but up there... the second coldest, though..." Hank started laughing.

"I knew you were a wild one! So where the weirdest place you and Rosalee did it?" Monroe turned really quickly and fell into a bush. He shook his head as he tried to pull himself up.

"Noooooooo, you guys are gonna get mad at me. And Rosalee's gonna get mad at me for telling because it was her idea. You can ask her... where is she, anyway?"

"We're almost there." Sean said reassuringly, pulling Monroe up. Monroe swayed a bit and flung his arms around Nick's waist, nearly knocking the already wobbly Grimm over.

"I love you guys sooooooooooooooooo much!" Monroe slurred. And that was the last thing Nick Burkhardt would remember.


	10. Chapter 10

_In which the guys wake to a series of surprises._

* * *

Nick woke as the sunlight streamed through the large window, feeling relaxed, warm, and comfortable. He was in a bed that wasn't his. He was naked. Someone stirred next to him. Captain Sean Renard rolled over on his back with a groan, and as he stretched, his hand brushed Nick's bare shoulder. The two men smiled slightly and looked into each other's eyes for a moment before the situation registered and Sean said what they were both thinking.

"Holy shit!" Sean backed away, and fell out of the bed. Nick looked over the edge and realized Sean was naked, too.

"Did we..."

"I'm not sure... I can't tell... I don't know..." Nick raised his hand to his forehead to brush the hair from his eyes when he saw it. A ring on his left hand.

"What the FUCK?" Now it was Nick's turn to lose his balance and fall out of bed. "Oh my GOD, what did we do last night?" Sean made a whining sound from the other side of the bed and Nick heard his head hit the floor.

"You mean you don't remember either? What's the last thing you remember?"

"Uhhhh, going to the burlesque show, and Monroe was drunk and he gave me a hug and told me he loved us..."

"Shit, that's the last thing I remember, too... okay, we need to not panic. Not panicking... Okay, let's get dressed and find the others and see if we can sort this out..."

"Okay. And not a word about waking up together naked, okay?"

"Okay..." Nick and Sean dressed quickly in silence, Nick watching Sean out of the corner of his eye. Sean pulled a soft-looking grey tee shirt over his well-defined muscles. After they were dressed, they walked out into the main portion of the suite.

"Oh, fuck," Nick said.

"Fuuuuuuuuuck," Sean agreed miserably. The suite was in shambles: broken bottles and glasses, torn upholstery, a chair somehow hanging precariously from the chandelier. They made their way into Hank and Bud's room, and found Hank asleep on a bed wearing only his boxers, one black sock, and a bright yellow feather boa. Bud's bed was still perfectly made. Sean gently shook Hank, and he came to with a groan.

"What the hell happened?" he asked groggily, then started. "Holy shit! Damn, I thought I was done waking up like this..."

"Quick, what's the last thing you remember?" Hank squeezed his eyes shut tight and thought for a long moment. Nick felt himself begin to fidget.

"Ummm... Burlesque show... bringing some of the dancers back... girl in yellow making eyes at me..."

"Okay, that's a little further than Nick and I got... Get dressed. Do you know where Bud is?"

"Mmmmno. He not in bed?" Sean shook his head.

"What about the bathrooms?" Nick asked, and Sean nodded, rubbing his temple.

"Yeah, good idea." It didn't take too long to find Bud, fully clothed, asleep in the large whirlpool tub in the 'hers' bathroom connected to his and Hank's room. Nick splashed some water onto the Eisbiber's face, and he woke with a startled woge.

"Oh, God... oh, Nick... Sean... what... what happened? Why am I wet? What the heck..."

"We don't know either," Hank said, pulling a shirt on. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Ummm... telling one of those nice dancers that I'm married. She didn't look too happy... But that doesn't explain why I'm here..."

"This is not good," Sean mumbled, "Bud, why don't you dry off and get changed before you catch a cold?"

"Well, Eisbiber don't catch... oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah." Bud pulled the plug and the tub drained. The cops left the room to give him some privacy. Bud reappeared moments later in dry clothes, towelling off his face.

"Now, where is Monroe?" Hank and Bud looked around at the damaged as they made their way toward the master bedroom.

"Reminds me of my college days..." Hank commented before he caught Nick's arm. "Uh oh..."

The door to Monroe's room was hanging off the hinges. Nick gulped. This was not good. Monroe's bed was mostly made up, but the edge of the bed looked like it had been clawed by an animal. A pair of rumpled pink silk panties were on the floor next to the bed.

"This is bad... This is very bad..." Bud muttered over and over.

"Now let's not jump to conclusions, Sean said quietly in an effort to calm him. "Somebody else might have... appropriated his bed..." They checked the bathrooms, but the Blutbad was nowhere to be found.

"Bud, can't you smell who was in here?" Nick asked.

"What do I look like, a Fuchsbau? And I can't smell anything except alcohol anyway..." Bud woged, hyperventilating. He composed himself and continued, "I'm sorry, I'm just a little freaked out right now..."

"Uh, with good reason..." Hank reassured him.

"Let's try calling him..." Sean said as he took out his phone. Nick heard Monroe's phone going off, and they followed it back to Sean and Nick's room. Monroe's phone was ringing in the pocket of Nick's pants from the day before, crumpled on the floor.

"Damnit, no good... I took his phone because he wouldn't stop texting Rosalee... wait, where's my phone?" Sean dialed Nick's phone, but the call went to voicemail. Nick's cop instincts kicked in.

"Okay, secure the perimeter, look everywhere you think Monroe would be able to fit... and even some places he might not. He does yoga, he might have curled up somewhere..."

"Yes, sir!" Hank and Sean agreed, and they divided to search the suite. After a few minutes, Bud scurried in to where Nick was searching holding a sheet of paper.

"Ummmm, Nick? I'm sorry to bother you, because we need to find Monroe, but, ummmm... you need to see this."

"What?" Bud handed the Grimm a computer printout and backed away slowly. A marriage license for the state of Nevada. Signed with his name. The other signature was completely unreadable.

"Shit... Well that explains this..." The Grimm held up his hand to the Eisbiber, whose face went pale.

"Oh, no... Do you remember...?" Nick shook his head. "Oh my gosh, Monroe is going to be mad! He made you promise him you'd stay sober and oh my gosh, we're going to have an angry Blutbad... He's going to be pissed we destroyed the suite, too... Oh God, he's going to disinvite us to the wedding..." Bud sank to the floor and woged again from stress.

"I don't suppose it would help to remind you we have to find him first?"

Half an hour later, they were sure they had looked everywhere possible and Monroe was not anywhere to be found. While they were all freaked out, Bud was nearly hysterical with panic, muttering to himself and shaking profusely. Sean sat, rubbing his face in his hands.

"We can't file a missing persons report... None of us can track him... I guess we're just going to have to wait for him to come back on his own. I guess if something really awful happens, they'd call Rosalee and she'd call us, right? She is his ICE contact, right?"

"And I'm his secondary," Nick confirmed. Hank groaned.

"Except we have his phone."

"Damnit... And we don't know if he would still have his wallet... Damn, damn, damn..."

"I guess it... It could be worse..." Bud said with an obviously false cheerfulness. Hank shot him a death glare.

"You did NOT just fucking say that." Bud gulped and shrank away.

There was a knock at the door, and all the men froze. Sean composed himself and went to the door. He cracked it, and a young Hispanic woman was standing on the other side. Nick could tell he was trying to prevent her from seeing the mess within.

"I have a message for Mister Sean Renard?" she said quietly, handing the man an envelope.

"Thank you," he said quietly with a nod. He waited until she had turned away before he closed the door. He opened the envelope, read the paper within, and his face went white.

"Oh God."

"What?" Hank asked weakly.

"Things just got worse." He showed them the note with shaking hands:

_Sean: _  
_This isn't over._  
_-E_


	11. Chapter 11

_In which more problems present themselves._

* * *

"E? Who the fuck is E?" Hank asked angrily, taking the note from Sean's hands.

"My brother. Eric." Sean looked like he was going to pass out.

"Didn't your brother Eric _die_? Like, blown up?" Sean shook his head.

"He faked his death and has been in New York, somewhere upstate. And now he's here. And apparently really pissed off at me. This is bad. This is really, _really_ bad."

"You don't... you don't think he kidnapped Monroe, do you?" Sean's face, already pale, went stark white. He sank to the floor, taking his face into his hands.

"Oh no, no, no..." he started rocking back and forth, and Nick kneeled next to him. He instinctively started rubbing his boss's back. "What if he did? Oh my God, he might torture him... he might kill him... oh my God, we need to call Rosalee..." Hank got on his knees and held Sean still.

"We are NOT calling Rosalee! We can figure this out. You need to calm the hell down." Sean stared hard at Hank for a moment before he exploded.

"CALM THE HELL DOWN?! MY BROTHER, the guy who tried to raise a damn zombie army IN MY CITY and kidnap MY GRIMM and take him back to Vienna has taken OUR FRIEND from right under our noses and could be doing God knows what to him... and you want me to CALM THE HELL DOWN? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" There was another knock at the door. This time, Bud went to answer it, and was gruffly brushed aside by a large dark man in a leather jacket and combat boots.

"Where are you, Sean?" he growled, woging. A Hundjäger. Sean's head fell back in exasperation.

"Really?" he whined from his position on the floor as the Hundjäger stomped over to him.

"Where's Eric?"

"I don't know." The Hundjäger reached down and pulled Sean up by the collar.

"I said, Sean, where's Eric?"

"And I said, Axel, I don't fucking know." Axel eyed the Royal suspiciously

"I don't think I believe you..."

"He... uh... he isn't lying..." Bud commented meekly. "We, uh... sort of have our own problems to deal with right now... and finding his brother isn't really... uh... high on the list... not that Eric isn't important or anything..."

"Can it, Beaver Boy, before I am inspired to harvest some Castoreum." Bud gulped and backed away.

"I don't even know what the hell that is, but we don't know where Eric is. Please leave before I make you regret it," Nick said, stepping toward the intruder. He started looking for items in his peripheral vision that he could use to fight.

"Oh, look, it's Sean's pet Grimm. How sweet, having a nice romantic getaway, are we?" Axel laughed coldly.

"Look, man," Hank stated, raising his hands, "we're just here for a bachelor party weekend, and like we said, we've got our own problems right now. We don't know where Eric is, and honestly, if we did, we'd tell you."

"Bachelor party?" Axel looked around the room. "Who's getting married?"

"Well... uh, you see..." Bud stuttered, "remember how we keep saying we've got our own problems...?" The Hundjäger finally let go of Sean's collar and started laughing. It was a deep, menacing sound that did nothing to lighten the situation. Hank slowly backed away toward the dining table.

"Wait, wait... you lost the groom, didn't you? Did you roofie yourselves like in that movie? That is one of my favorite movies, it is so funny..." Axel cleared his throat and stood up straighter. At that moment, Hank brought a chair crashing down on the Hundjäger's head; the chair splintered. Axel swayed for a moment, then collapsed as well.

"We're just racking up damage today, aren't we?" Sean muttered as they stood regarding the unconscious Wesen. "Now what?" Hank cocked his head to the side.

"You know, it's a little fuzzy, but I think I vaguely... hold on, I'll be right back. Make sure he stays out... maybe tie him up with something?" Hank ran out of the room.

"Tie him with what?" Bud asked.

"Well, Monroe brought a few ties..." Nick began.

"Which I'm sure he would like to keep!" Bud woged again from stress. "I hope this isn't going to be a recurring theme today..." he mumbled as he pulled himself together. Sean looked around the room and pointed at the windows.

"The curtains! They should have some sort of pull or something... May as well be hanged for the sheep as the lamb, right?" Nick and Bud nodded. They took a smaller curtain tie and bound the Hundjäger's wrists behind him. They also tied his feet. They were finishing up as Hank returned, looking somewhere between flustered and disgusted.

"I don't know how or why I knew it, but there's a service closet down the hall that's unlocked. However, we might want to wait a few minutes, because somebody down that way just got married or something... some hardcore headboard rattling going on."

"Jealous, Hank?" Nick snarked, punching his partner's shoulder.

"Shut up. No, I just don't like hearing other people... Ugh, it just weirds me out, okay? Anyway, we also have to figure out how we're going to get him there without being seen. I didn't see anyone out there... but..." Hank slapped his forehead. "Hold on, I'll be back... again." He returned a minute later with a cart laden with dirty dishes. "I checked, we can put him on the bottom..." He started pulling up the cloth, and sure enough, there was plenty of room to put the Hundjäger. They hoisted Axel onto the cart and replaced the cloth.

"This is un-fucking-believable..." Sean muttered. "I'm waiting for somebody to jump out and tell us we're on _Candid Camera_ or some shit..."

"Well, if they have Monroe with them, I promise I will not think any less of you if you kick him in the nuts for setting us up... in fact, I'll hold him so you can get a really good shot." Hank assured him as he started pushing the cart out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

_In which we hear one version of events..._

* * *

After Axel was safely deposited in the service closet and the door locked, Sean rubbed his temples.

"I guess our next step is to talk to the dancers at the burlesque club, huh?" Nick, Bud, and Hank nodded in agreement.

"I can give the girl in yellow her boa back, at any rate," Hank muttered as they made their way back to the suite. Bud's stomach rumbled loudly.

"Do you think we can grab something to eat?" the Eisbiber asked meekly. "After all, it's almost 11..." Nick stopped at the door.

"This just isn't right... Monroe is usually awake around 6... do you think he might have gotten arrested? Or he's in a holding cell? I don't know if he knows any of our numbers off the top of his head..." Nick had tried to remain calm for the sake of his compatriots, but this was all getting to be a bit much. Sean laid a reassuring hand on Nick's shoulder.

"After we go visit the burlesque dancers, we can check the detention center; I've heard that with the volume of people who get in trouble around here, it could take hours for him to be booked, so he could still be in a holding cell without access to a phone..." Sean sighed, "At least if he's at the detention center, he's safe. If Eric has him, I don't know what we'll do..."

"Well, Axel didn't sound like he knew what was going on..." Hank began, pocketing the fluffy yellow strand of feathers, "What's his relationship to your brother, anyway?"

"Axel is, for lack of a better explanation, is Eric's chauffeur. They have always been good friends, since we were children, and Axel's always been a bit of a bully... only seems natural he joined the Verrat..." Sean groaned. "And his family is very adamant about upholding the purity laws, so if he finds out Monroe's marrying outside his species..." He shuddered and pulled out his phone. The other men instinctively did the same. "On the bright side, no angry or panicked calls from Rosalee yet, so we are still in our grace period. Let's hope it stays that way."

"Yeah, as stressed as she's been, this is the last thing she needs," Bud agreed. "I hope she's having fun,at any rate..."

XxXxX

Half an hour later, the men made their way into the X Burlesque Theater at the Flamingo. Some of the girls were already on stage warming up. A pair of twin blondes looked up, smiled, and waved.

"Hi, Bud!" they called together in a sing-song voice. However, when they saw Nick, their expressions changed and they both woged Spinnetod before turning and running quickly backstage. Bud looked terrified.

"Oh my God, Spinnetod? Really? I'm lucky I'm not dead!" A tall Asian woman came down from the stage.

"Hi, Hank," she said curtly. Hank pulled the boa out of his pocket.

"Um, hi, uh..."

"_Destiny_," she snapped as she all but yanked the boa out of his hand.

"Oh, sorry, Destiny... umm, listen, we need to ask a few questions..." she rolled her almond-shaped eyes.

"Let me guess: you don't remember last night, do you?" The men all nodded and she sighed, her head falling back, long black hair cascading off her shoulders.

"Ummm, yeah. Can we talk to those two blonde twins, too?" Sean asked, pointing toward where they disappeared.

"Lexus and Mercedes? I guess so. Aren't you guy going to flash your badges?"

"How did you know we were cops?" Nick asked. Destiny again rolled her eyes.

"You told us last night. Multiple times. You guys party pretty hard when you're off duty. Don't worry, though, we won't give you any trouble. I'll go get the twins..." she pranced lightly up to the curtain and disappeared behind it. She poked her head out a moment later.

"They don't want to talk to him," she pointed at Nick, "but they'll talk to Bud." Bud went pale, and he turned to Sean.

"Please come with me?" he whispered, clearly terrified. Sean nodded and followed Bud up the steps onto the stage as Destiny came back down to Nick and Hank. She regarded them coolly.

"Before we begin, Casanova, I do want to point out it's very poor form to work that hard to get a girl to agree to sleep with you only to fall asleep as you're taking your clothes off." Hank winced.

"Duly noted. How often do you go back with customers?"

"It isn't a habit, but Lexus and Mercedes were quite taken with Bud... And your friend Monroe is quite the charmer... Herculean alcohol tolerance, that one; I've never seen a man pack away that much booze! And you kept egging him on... You kept telling me he was a real beast." Hank froze.

"Oh, did I?" he chuckled nervously.

"So what happened?" Nick asked.

"Monroe kept talking about the hula hoop girl in the _Zumanity_ show, calling her Rosalee; her name is actually Babs, she's a friend of mine. So I called her up, and she meets us to watch the fountains. She brings Bridget and Sylvia, the girls who do the water bowl act, and we watch the fountain show. Monroe's hanging on Babs and, honestly, I think Babs was looking to score. She likes big guys..." Nick and Hank shared a look. Destiny sighed. "Big like tall... Although we did find out later he was definitely packing... what's your name, again?"

"Me? Nick. Nick Burkhardt."

"Anyway, we get up to the suite, and Nick puts some music on while Hank raids the bar. Monroe is talking to Babs on the couch with his arm around her, and she's into it. It's a pretty good party, Bud's pulling people in from the hallway to join, lots of love going around... Then this group of girls come in, dressed like they're going to a rave, most of them are drunk as hell. Monroe apparently recognizes this one chick, and he leaves Babs to go flirt with her. I couldn't hear over the music, but he introduced her to Babs as Darcy or something? Anyway, Babs gets mad at her for poaching her game, so she takes a swing at this bitch... I shit you not, though, this Darcy girl could fight, and had her pinned to the ground. Monroe pulls her off and she lets Babs up. Babs leaves, and Darcy picks up where Babs left off, flirting and chatting..."

"Can you describe her?"

"Umm, didn't real get a good look at her... She was wearing a bright pink wig. Like, highlighter pink. Came in with girls wearing blue, green, red, and yellow wigs. All were wearing mesh shirts and fishnets, chunky heels and black skirts. The girl in blue seemed to be the leader, and she was _wasted_.

"Then Bud pulls this one guy in, and he's got a bottle of absinthe..."

"Isn't absinthe illegal?" Hank asked.

"The ban was lifted in 2007, but manufacturers can't advertise it as absinthe or advertise it's hallucinogenic properties. You know, no green fairies or anything like that." Nick and Hank stared at the girl, and she lowered her voice. "I'm studying criminal law with a specialization in narcotics. This is just me paying the bills."

"Oh. Well, thank you for that. Please, continue."

"So this guy is carrying this absinthe and when your buddy who is with Bud over there saw him, he flipped shit. You were all really sweet, affectionate drunks, but he yelled something that sounded like 'Not my grim!' and laid him out with one punch. However, a bunch of people in the party freaked out and there was a stampede, so whatever it means to be his grim, a bunch of people were scared shitless. He went through the guy's pockets and when he stood back up, you," she pointed at Nick, "grabbed him and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. It was actually pretty hot."

"What did the guy look like?"

"Kind of like a young Mick Jagger? A little bit?" Nick looked at Hank.

"Eric."

"Oops. Anyway, then what happened?"

"Hank puts the bottle of absinthe up on the bar, and he and Monroe and Darcy tie the guy up in Darcy's fishnets and you guys take him into the hallway. You were gone for a while, so I prepared absinthe shots for everyone who was left. Hank, Monroe, and Darcy come back laughing and you two guys stop making out long enough for everybody to take their absinthe shot. You guys all seemed to recognize Darcy, like you knew her." Nick gets a sinking feeling in his stomach as she continues. "Darcy and Monroe start making out in the corner, but Hank decides Monroe needs to be in the center of the party, so he pushes Monroe down in this chair. Then she pretty much gave him a lap dance."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah. She was by no means a professional, but he was into it. He had his hands all over her. So he gets up and all but drags her toward the bedroom when Hank stops them again and tells them they should get married. Like, right that second."

"I did fucking WHAT?" Hank asked, a look of sheer, unadulterated panic on his face.

"You even polled the people at the party and the overwhelming majority said they should get married."

"Oh, shit..." Nick groaned.

"Then the girl with the blue hair threw up all over the chair. The rest of the highlighter wigs took her home, and Bud and Hank volunteered to stay and clean up while you and the guy you were making out with would escort Monroe and Darcy to a chapel."

"What did you do?"

"I was still intent on showing Hank a good time at some point. We washed the chair in the shower, and I guess we thought it would be funny to hang it up to dry. There were still some other people there, and we hung it up on the chandelier."

"Okay, that explains that..."

"You come back from the chapel, and Monroe and Darcy make for the bedroom. Everybody's pretty messed up, so I guess it took a while to figure out what they had in mind. Hank says something about not liking to hear other people having sex, so you guys break the door down. Like, pull it off the hinges. Monroe's pants are on the floor, he's on top of her, and you guys literally pull him off her and he rips the covers. And then she flips out. Like, _screaming_, calling you all sorts of names. Especially you." She poked Nick in the chest. And he's standing there, half-naked, watching her yell like it's the sexiest thing he's ever seen. She picks his pants off the floor, he puts them back on, and they leave."

"Did they say where they were going?"

"No, but Monroe said he'd call you."

"Then what happened?"

"Bud slipped in a puddle of vomit; he told the twins goodnight and went to take a bath. You," again pointing at Nick, "and the other guy start making out again, and go off to the bedroom. Hank and I crawl into bed, and I'm putting on a private show for him when he passed out. So I left..."

"Fuuuuuuuck." Hank moaned. Nick put his face in his hands.

"Oh, son of a bitch..." A look of genuine concern came over Destiny's features.

"Monroe... He never came back, did he?" Hank swallowed hard.

"No."

"Oh no! I hope you find him!"

"We're trying. Thank you for your time, Destiny. We appreciate you helping us out." She smiled sadly.

"Were you guys here for a birthday?"

"Bachelor party," Hank mumbled. Destiny's jaw dropped.

"Please don't say it's Monroe's." They nodded and Destiny covered her mouth.

"Oh my GOD! Did you call his fiancée?"

"Trying to avoid that... Do you remember what chapel we went to?" She shook her head.

"Sorry, honey..." At that moment, Bud and Sean came down the steps. Both looked a little ill.

"Thanks again, Destiny, and I'm sorry," Hank began. Destiny looked around and leaned in to them, speaking quietly.

"It's actually Rita. Rita Matapang. If you go to check out the Detention Center, ask for Joey Villarreal. Tell him I sent you. He'll help you..." The look of concern had turned to pity. "I hope you guys find him and I hope you can get that marriage annulled... Oh, good luck!"

"Thanks," all four men said in miserable unison as they made their way out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

_In which Bud and Hank both have a meltdown_... _and some confessions come out._

* * *

The men exited the club, and Sean lightly grazed Nick's shoulder.

"You and I need to talk..." he whispered into the Grimm's ear in passing. Nick nodded. Destiny's... no, Rita's story had shaken him. Had they really made out in front of everybody? And who did they marry Monroe off to? What else had happened at the chapel? What if she was a Spinnetod, too? Nick felt sick. Hank put a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay? You kinda zoned out when Destiny was talking... you looked like you were going zombie again... I don't think she noticed though..." The men followed Sean, who led them into a side alley away from the street.

"What we need to do is compare stories. Cheryl and Cindy..."

"Who?" asked Hank before remembering.

"The Spinnetod twins... they basically told us, and I'm summarizing IMPORTANT DETAILS ONLY, that at some point, Monroe started flirting with a girl in a pink wig named Marcy, Bud pulled my brother in, I punched him, Hank, Monroe, and Marcy took him somewhere..." Hank slapped his forehead.

"That's probably how I knew where the unlocked service closet was!" Sean nodded and continued

"It was decided that Monroe and Marcy should get married on the spot, Nick and I escorted them to the chapel and back, they attempted to consummate, we tried to stop them, they got mad and left. Is that more or less the story you got, too?" Hank and Nick nodded.

"Except Rita thought she heard Darcy..." Nick began.

"And she said it looked like we knew her..." Hank continued, "The blackjack dealer's name was Dorothy that he was flirting with..."

"And the singer at the pub was named Marcia..." Bud commented, his face turning steadily redder.

"But Marcia told us she was married..." Nick muttered.

"Hank, this... This is your fault!" Bud shouted. Hank, Nick, and Sean all turned. Bud was shaking, but for once not from fear. He was furious. "YOU pushed him to drink! YOU wanted him to get blackout drunk! YOU tried to get him to cheat on Rosalee! This is YOUR FAULT!"

"MY FAULT? YOU were pulling random damn people in!"

"NO! I was just trying to share the joy and spread the love! YOU were actively trying to ruin Monroe's happy marriage before it even began! What? Are you jealous or something? Huh? Mister 'There's A Reason I've Been Married Four Times'? Mister 'I Can't Keep It In My Pants'? Mister 'I'm a Frat Boy Who Never Grew Up'?" Hank looked like he was ready to take a swing at the Eisbiber, who was now standing chest-to-chest with him, but instead the larger man sank to the ground and put his head in his hands. Bud's anger drained, and he suddenly looked genuinely concerned. "Hank, I... I didn't mean..." Hank let out a sob, his shoulders shaking. Nick and Sean share an 'oh shit' look; neither of them had ever seen Hank have a breakdown before.

"FINE, YES. Yes, Bud, you got it, I am an angry, jealous bastard! How perfect are they together? It's disgusting! He's the biggest geek I know, and she's gorgeous and smart and she should be far, FAR out of his league. And she's a freak, too? He has to be the luckiest sonofabitch I've ever met. And he had girls throwing themselves at his feet even when he was talking about her... and meanwhile, I can't get ANY play; the last person I tried isn't down with dating humans, and before that I got cursed to shit by some bitch who had it out for Nick! And I almost get my groove back this weekend and I fall asleep on her? What the hell?" Sean put a reassuring hand on Hank's shoulder.

"Just to clarify, you aren't in love with Rosalee, are you?" Hank sniffed and shook his head.

"Even if I was, the way the two of them look at each other, I wouldn't stand a chance. I don't want to ruin what they have, but I want my version of it..." Nick joined Hank on the pavement.

"Look, Monroe's dad said he didn't think Monroe would ever get married because he's a perfectionist... Monroe is 38 years old, getting married for the first time. How old were you?" Nick asked. He felt like he should know, but the answer wasn't readily available in his mind.

"Nineteen. My high school sweetheart, Tess. Knocked her up, shotgun wedding... then she miscarried. I was trying to go to college and support her and it got to be too much... It lasted less than a year, but I decided not to let the best years of my life go to waste, so I started sleeping with everybody I could. All my other wives, I thought I could change for them... But... But I couldn't handle the security, so I would cheat because it was what I knew! And I would purposely get caught!" Hank's head fell back and tears ran down his cheeks. "Katie... Katie looked at me like Rosalee looks at Monroe. She loved me... I couldn't deal with it. I cheated, we divorced, and I tried to get her back; I promised I changed... But I couldn't, and I made sure she caught me again... And then she went out and wrapped herself around a telephone pole..." Hank pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face as he sobbed.

"I had what they have and I ruined it! I drove her away! I killed her! I killed Katie!" Bud, Sean, and Nick were speechless as Hank sobbed before them. After a while, Hank sat up straighter, wiping his eyes and nose. "I wasn't _trying_ to get him to cheat, I was testing him, I guess. I wanted him to prove he was a better man than I am, to not give in! I wanted him to have girls flinging themselves at him and him going, 'No, I have everything I need at home! I have a smoking hot, smart-as-hell woman with a freaky streak a mile wide, I don't need any of this other nonsense!' But apparently I was wrong! And I'm a huge dick for pushing it and yes, Bud, it's my damn fault! And I'm sorry!" Bud heaved a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry, Hank... I didn't... it just needed somewhere to go." Hank wiped his eyes on his sleeve once more and stood back up with a deep breath, tenuously grasping at some sense of composure.

"Nah, man, it needed to come out. Mine needed to come out, too." Bud turned to Sean and Nick.

"Speaking of things that need..." Sean interrupted him, and the Captain of the Portland Police Department took charge of the situation.

"Actually, I think we need to split up the next leg. Hank, why don't you and Bud go check the Detention Center while Nick and I go check out the chapel. The twins told us it was the Wedding Bells Chapel on East Harmon. You guys will probably need to take a cab. If he's there and needs bail, just call us, okay? We'll see if there's any record of Monroe and Darcy or Marcy or whoever the fuck she is getting married and we'll go from there." Bud was obviously swayed by Sean's assertion of dominance, and turned and walked back out toward the street. Hank looked from Sean to Nick and shrugged.

"Look," he said quietly, raising his hands slightly, "when I said I started sleeping with everybody I could, I meant _everybody_. I ain't judgin'. Now let's find Monroe and get this shit fixed so we can get home tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," the Grimm and the Royal said with one voice.


	14. Chapter 14

_In which Nick and Sean have a talk, and start to piece together what happened at the chapel._

* * *

Once Bud and Hank had found a taxi to take them to the detention center (with Rita's name in both Hank and Bud's phones), Nick and Sean started trudging toward the chapel in silence. Finally, Sean stopped and turned to Nick. The Captain was once more in charge of the situation.

"Okay, we _have_ to have this conversation. May as well have it now. No bullshit, no tap-dancing around it, okay?" Nick nodded. "Are you, or have you ever been, attracted to me?" Nick lowered his eyes and nodded. "So you're bisexual?" Nick wanted to deny it, but he no longer could; denial was exhausting.

"Yes," he mumbled miserably. Sean gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Okay. So am I." He quirks an eyebrow. "Apparently so is Hank... Does explain a lot, though, getting married all those times... Now, I'm just going to put this all out there, so please don't interrupt. I find you attractive as well; you're a good man, hard worker, loyal, smart... And very good-looking, if I may say so. However, I acknowledge your long-term, pre-existing relationship with Juliette takes precedence. Especially given how much I've already messed _that_ up for you. If you're happy with her, good; if you aren't, well, the attraction is mutual... Okay?"

"No..." Nick began. He wanted to tell Sean everything with Juliette was not okay; it hadn't been okay for a while. Sean sighed in exasperation, clearly misunderstanding Nick's meaning.

"It's who you are! You can't change that any more than you can change that you're a Grimm! You're in the company of someone willing to accept you, and not just because I want to get in your pants! And Hank said no judgement... I think Bud might be a little weirded out, but he likes you, and Monroe..."

"Monroe knows," Nick said quietly, "I got really drunk one night while we were living together and confessed I had a crush on him."

"How did he take it?"

"He told me he doesn't operate like that, and he loves Rosalee and I'm like his brother. I made him promise never to mention it."

"But he accepted it?" Nick nodded.

"He said if any guy ever treats me poorly, he'll kick his ass." Sean chuckled slightly.

"Yes, Monroe does take care of his pack, doesn't he? It's always good to have an Alpha Blutbad in your corner. I'd say the only person he'd be more willing to fight, kill, and die for is Rosalee, and even there, he feels he's indebted to you." Nick looked confused.

"What do you mean?" Sean rolled his eyes.

"He knows he wouldn't have met her if not for you. They both do. None of this," Sean waved around, clearly attempting to indicate the wedding celebration this trip was meant to be part of, "would have been possible without you. Why do you think they drop almost everything for you? Why do they let you drag them into crazy situations that could get them arrested or killed? Because they feel like they owe you. You led them both to the greatest love they've ever known. And _Rosalee_ said that last part, like, verbatim, and when _she_ starts talking in flowery language like that, you _know _it's a big deal." Nick smiled.

"Yeah, I guess. Rosalee is many things, but girly is not really high on that list, is it?"

"No. Okay, I think this is the place." They followed a brick path to a large, ivy-draped gazebo with chairs set up around it.

"Would you judge me if I said this is kinda nice?" Sean asked. Nick shook his head. A petite redhead came out of the main building and greeted them with a smile.

"Hi! I'm Donna! How may I help you?"

"Umm, well," Nick began, "last night, we were... kind of inebriated... and apparently dragged our friend here..."

"Are you Nick and Sean?" the girl asked, smiling, "Linda was telling me about you when I came in to relieve her. She said you guys were so cute, and I can't say I disagree!"

"Umm... Oh, okay... Can we talk to her?" Donna checked her watch.

"She works the overnight shift, so she might be asleep... We can try her..."

"Well, we need to see if we may have accidentally married our friend off..." The look on Donna's face changed.

"Oh, no! What's his name?" She led them inside and opened a sort of spreadsheet on her laptop. "This is where we keep track of our ceremonies. We have one for legal ceremonies, one for commitment ceremonies, and one for vow renewals." Donna searched for Monroe's name in all three databases. Nothing.

"Do you know the other person's name? The one you think he married?"

"No..."

"Do you know what time..."

"No..."

"Do you remember anything?"

"Ummmm, not really, no." Donna looked unphased.

"This happens often, doesn't it?" Sean asked. She nodded.

"Let's just say you're my first today, definitely won't be my last. Okay, well, we can put your timing at... 1:54 am." She turned the screen to them. A commitment ceremony for a Nicholas Burkhardt and a Sean Renard.

"So what does that mean?" Nick asked, his mouth dry.

"Well, gay marriage isn't legal in Nevada, but we honor all types of love here. So the commitment ceremony would be like a wedding, but without a marriage certificate or a legally binding contract."

"So why did I wake up with a signed marriage license this morning?" Nick asked. Sean stared at him.

"Why didn't you tell me that this morning?" The Royal asked, flustered. Nick shrugged.

"I panicked? Also explains this..." He wiggled his left ring finger and Sean paled, grabbing Nick's hand.

"SHIT! No wonder my brother is pissed!"

"What?" Nick asked as Sean pulled the ring off. Donna's calm façade dropped and she looked confused.

"This is my brother's... uh, family ring... See, it matches mine. When I knocked him out, I must have taken it. That's probably why he's mad."

"You know what? I'm gonna... I'm gonna call Linda, okay?" Donna said quietly, picking up a phone.


	15. Chapter 15

_In which we hear Linda's version of events, and there is a showdown between the Renard brothers_.

* * *

Sean and Nick waited anxiously as Donna called her coworker. Donna put her on speaker, but Linda sounded a little groggy. Sean asked her to tell them what happened the night before to the best of her recollection.

"Everybody came in, hanging all over each other, laughing hysterically about something or other. There was nobody else around, and you were all causing quite a ruckus... there was Nick and Sean, a really tall guy..."

"Monroe," Nick supplied.

"Monroe, and a girl with pink hair... her name escapes me at the moment. Unfortunately, one of the hazards of the job is I see so many people that the only names I ever remember are the ones I have to enter into the database, because I have to spell them properly. Anyway, the two of you are hanging on each other, being all affectionate, they're hanging on each other, all kisses and giggles. Nick, I think, told me that they needed to get those two married immediately. You see, at night, the gazebo is all lit up with fairy lights, and it's actually quite lovely, and the girl kept saying it was so pretty... so we print out a marriage license, and they're standing there facing each other, holding hands, and Monroe looks into the girl's eyes, and then he turns away and he just says, 'I can't.' Girl starts crying, and he pulls her into the corner and starts talking to her. I think he had sobered up enough to realize it wasn't a good idea..."

"And you don't know what they said to each other?"

"No, sorry, I figured they needed a moment. She eventually agreed with him, and they hugged each other.. in the meantime, Sean and Nick started singing and dancing together. The girl thought it was really funny, so Monroe pulled out his phone and started taking a video. Anyway, the girl suggested the two of you get married, and I explained that you couldn't _legally_ be married, but we could do a commitment ceremony. So we do that, nice and quick, Sean gives Nick a ring he had with him, and they both "sign" the marriage license. Nick actually signed it, and I think Sean was trying to be silly, so he drew an upside-down phallus."

"Huh," Nick commented, "Explains why I couldn't read it... Sean, you don't normally sign stuff with dick drawings, do..."

"NO. This was a very, _very_ special case. So we're not legally married?"

"No. And even if it was a legal wedding, a picture of a penis is not a legally acceptable signature."

"Even if your name is Peter?" Renard joked, causing Nick to snort and punch his arm. Donna and Linda both laughed as well.

"No, it isn't," Donna reassured him. "Is that all?"  
"Yes, thank you Linda... Donna... we appreciate it."

"Anytime!" Linda said before hanging up. Donna smiled and handed them a brochure as she led them out.

"And when gay marriage is legalized here, feel free to come back and make it official! You two really are so cute together!"

"Umm, thanks," Nick said quietly as they left, turning down a quiet side street. Sean pulled out his phone.

"Hank said detention center was a dead end, they're going back to the hotel. So he didn't get married but he left with her... I don't know, that just doesn't FUCK!" Somebody smaller and thinner tackled Sean from behind, shoving him against the wall. Eric, with a black eye that seemed to take up half of his pale face.

"_Bonjour, mon frère_," he said in a menacing voice. Nick pulled the brothers apart and immobilized Eric by pinning his arms behind his back. Nick fervently wished he had his handcuffs as Eric struggled, but the Grimm was stronger.

"GODDAMNIT, ERIC! Okay, I'm sorry about last night. Look, here's your ring back." Sean tucked Eric's ring into his breast pocket. "And I'll comp your bottle of absinthe, okay?" Eric stopped struggling, clearly understanding he would be fighting a monster he himself had created.

"Do you think that's all that this is about?"

"Oh, I'm sure it isn't, you pompous narcissist. Care to enlighten me?"

"Oh, I shall, you malodorous simpleton; I just hope you'll understand."

"Try me, you pretentious twit."

"And I'll use small words, you half-witted half-breed."

"Will you stop being a fucking douchebag and explain yourself?" Nick yelled in Eric's ear. Eric turned to face the Grimm with a look of great disgust.

"No need to be _completely_ crass about it!" He turned back to his brother. "Anyway, it is more a matter of dignity than monetary compensation. I was minding my own business, here for a little pleasure, and I made the acquaintance of a lovely young lady working at the blackjack tables at the Bellagio, lovely girl from Germany. I don't remember her name, but I was intending to... spend some quality time with her. I got lost, and ended up on the 29th floor. I was trying to be quick and discreet, but I was pulled into your party by the, shall I say, eager beaver. Since I was clearly out of my element, I really had no intention of staying, but you saw me and decided to," Eric chuckled, "defend YOUR Grimm. As if he can't defend himself. You yelled that he was a Grimm in front of everybody, and you GREATLY embarrassed me by punching me in front of all of those people! I woke up, bound in fishnet stockings, in a SERVICE CLOSET, my Royal family ring gone, no absinthe, and having missed my rendezvous! And I was found by a MAID! Honestly, like some kind of low-class trash! That is no way to treat a Prince of the Seven Families, dear brother!"

"So this is about your pride?"

"OF COURSE IT'S ABOUT MY PRIDE! When is it not, Sean?" Nick couldn't hold back a snicker. "All of the Wesen in that room? Somebody may have recognized me! And to see me felled with one punch..."

"But you're supposed to be dead, what would it matter?" Nick asked, thoroughly confused. Eric stopped a moment.

"Hmm, you have a point... but that does NOT change the fact that you and I have unfinished business, brother, and much of it."

"No kidding. We always have." Sean replied dryly.

"And I will continue to do my best to make your life a living hell whenever I am able." Sean sighed and checked his watch.

"Lovely, Eric, but honestly, it's getting late, and we need to find somebody." Eric smiled, a slow, creepy smile that reminded Nick of the animation of the Grinch getting his wonderful, awful idea.

"Reeeeeeeeeally? Business or pleasure?"

"It is my pleasure to tell you it's none of your business."

"Oh dear, are we in trouble, Sean? Did we lose somebody important? Actually, I seem to recall a phone call from dear Axel that told me you were here with your friend Monroe. Monroe the clockmaker Blutbad, yes? All set to marry the pretty Fuchsbau who runs the Exotic Tea and Spice Shop. Yes, he clearly adores her. Lovely mixed breed pairing; I know his parents are so proud! Looking forward to their little _Vorherrsch_ mongrel grandchildren, I'm sure. And he's gone missing? My, wouldn't it be a shame if something were to happen to him... an accident just a few weeks shy of the wedding..."

"How do you know that?" Nick growled, holding the man's arms tighter. Eric knew too many details.

"Oh, do you think dear Sean is the only one keeping tabs on everything? I have my sources as well. Now, where was I? Oh, yes! An accident before the wedding! You see, though, Miss Calvert is quite the survivor; she would be crushed if something happened to her sweet Monroe, but not nearly as devastated as he would be if something happened to her... She's such a lovely thing, though, and Sean knows I do so hate to ruin works of great beauty. I wonder what she sees in him? I assume he makes a lot of money, Fuchsbau like that... Surely she would leave him if something better came along? Maybe instead of ruining your life, Sean, I could ruin theirs!"

"You wouldn't!" Sean growled. Eric laughed coldly.

"Wouldn't I, Sean? Dangle a few shiny baubles in front of the Vixen, invite her to come away with me and be my mistress, shatter his heart... oh, and then maybe abandon her in such a way she'd be ashamed to go back to him... Or even better, use a memory Zaubertrank on her, make her forget he ever existed, that she ever loved him, and take her back to Portland, watch him try desperately to win her back..." Eric turned to Nick. "The Grimm is familiar with this. How would you like that, Nick? Seeing your friend living that Hell you yourself experienced? He really is much more emotionally fragile than you think he is; I don't think he could handle it. Or, even better, maybe she'll react the way your Juliette did, and start beating him? And he'll blame himself. Just like you do. He's so steadfast, he'll probably waste away, pining for what once was his, allowing her to bloody and bruise him, hoping it will bring her back to him... It shall be so beautifully tragic..." Sean couldn't take it any longer and kicked his brother square between the legs. Nick held the Royal up as he sagged in pain, groaning. Sean grabbed his brother's face, and woged in anger. Eric and Nick both flinched at the appearance of the Zauberbiest, who put his face right up next to his brother's.

"If I were not already having the weekend from Hell, I would kill you right here, right now. The only reason is that I know that with my luck right now, I would be caught. I am letting you go because we need to find him and get him home. And we _will_ find him before you do. And I _will_ make sure that you do not come anywhere _near_ either of them, EVER, because if you do... well, let's just say that I can't murder somebody who is already dead. Find Axel and get the hell back to New York, and God have mercy on you if I ever see you again." He gave Eric one more solid kick to the groin, and Nick dropped the Royal to the ground. Eric writhed in pain for a few moments before staggering to his feet.

"This isn't over, Sean," he mumbled as he limped away.

"It never is." Sean and Nick watched Eric disappear, and Sean sighed deeply. Nick instinctively reached out and rubbed Sean's back. "You are so lucky you're an only child, Nick," he muttered.

"You don't think he'd really do that to Monroe and Rosalee, do you?" Nick asked. Sean shrugged.

"I somewhat doubt it... he doesn't generally like to do the Bond villain thing, explain his entire plan. I think he was trying to get a rise out of us... especially you." Sean turned and caught Nick's hand. "Was he right, though?"

"About what?" Nick stammered. Shit, shit, shit.

"About Juliette? She beats you?"

"Umm..." Sean's hand was warm in his, and it caused his skin to tingle. Sean's other hand gently cupped Nick's cheek, raising the Grimm's blue eyes to his own, searching.

"I don't bruise anymore." Nick whispered, shaking his head. That was apparently all Sean needed to hear, as he enveloped Nick in a tight embrace. Nick wanted to hold everything in, but the dam burst, and tears fell like rain onto Sean's shoulders as the Royal calmly stood, rocking his Grimm back and forth. At some point, Sean gently kissed Nick's temple and whispered in his ear.

"It's okay. We'll take care of you."


	16. Chapter 16

_In which the guys give up and make a call to a frazzled Fuchsbau... _

* * *

Sean held Nick until the tears stopped, whispering affirmations in the Grimm's ear. He would be okay. It wasn't his fault. Sean and Monroe and Rosalee and Hank and Bud and Phoebe would help him. Nick burrowed into the Prince's arms, and finally understood the Fuchsbau impulse; here it was safe and warm. He felt surrounded by love... well, maybe not love, maybe not yet, but at least a strong affection. Affection... he'd been starved for it so long, he hardly knew how to deal with it but gorge, trying to take more. And Sean willingly gave until Nick stirred, feeling awkward, and pulled away. Sean cupped his cheeks and gently kissed his forehead, once again affirming everything would be okay. Nick sighed.

"But we _still_ don't know where the hell Monroe got to..." Sean shrugged.

"Let's reconvene with Hank and Bud. I think we're just going to have to own up and call Rosalee." He took Nick's hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It'll all be okay." And somehow, Nick believed him.

XxXxX

When they got back to the hotel room, they found Bud and Hank trying to get the chair down from the chandelier.

"How the hell did we even do that?" Hank muttered as the two stood on two other chairs and gingerly attempted to pull the chair off the fragile-appearing crystal and bronze. The height difference between them made it particularly difficult.

"I wish I knew. I wish I knew a lot of things right now... what happened at the chapel?" Bud turned to Nick and Sean as they walked up.

"Well, good news is, Monroe didn't get married. Better news is, nobody did. The marriage certificate was apparently a joke." Bud nodded, looked from the Detective to the Captain, and shrugged. Nick realized he and Sean were still holding hands. Nick cleared his throat.

"Look, guys, we're going to have to suck it up and call Rosalee. She's gonna be pissed, but maybe she can help us find him..." he trailed off, noticing that the other men were staring at him. "What?" Bud and Hank got down from their chairs. Bud looked nervously from Sean to Hank before speaking.

"Look... Nick... it's just... well, you're the best man... and... ah... YOU volunteered to be the sober one... and it's kind of your job to keep an eye on the groom... and you're the Grimm after all... so... it's probably best if you call." Nick rolled his eyes.

"Really? You guys are gonna throw me under the bus like that to face an angry Fuchsbau, who's already stressed out of her mind?" The other three men nodded. "Thanks," he muttered, digging out Monroe's phone. He opened the contact list and noted silently how cute it was that Monroe had put a little icon of an engagement ring after her name. He pressed call, put the phone on speaker, and steeled himself. If he was going to have to hear her yell at him, the others would have to hear it, too.

"Mmmmm... hello?" Rosalee answered on the third ring. She sounded more relaxed than she had in months.

"Rosalee, it's Nick..." Rosalee giggled.

"Hi, Nick... mmmm... stop that..." Nick heard something that sounded oddly like kissing on the other end of the line.

"Am I interrupting something, Rosalee?" Nick asked, and felt his fear turning to anger as he continued to hear the strange sounds. It was one thing for Monroe to run off with a random girl, but he expected better of Rosalee!

"Mmmmm, you might be..." Nick felt his last nerve snap.

"ROSALEE! What the HELL are you doing? Monroe is missing, lost somewhere in Vegas or God knows where, and you're busy being a slutty bachelorette with some random fucking dude? And fucking Eric Renard is here, remember, the guy who had me turned into a fucking zombie? He wants to make something terrible happen to YOUR fiancé! You know, the guy you're MARRYING in two weeks? Whoever the fuck you're kissing, put them on the fucking phone right NOW, damnit!" The next voice Nick heard on the phone was the last one he expected.

"Dude, name-calling is totally unnecessary!" Monroe admonished his friend. "You ARE the world's biggest cockblock! Like, it must be one of your amazing Grimm powers or whatever. Calm down, dude! Jesus, didn't you read my text? And she's not a slut, she's a fucking lady... in more ways than one." Rosalee giggled and said 'Stop!' in the background.

"Anyway, this is the last time, I promise. I will call you when we're done, alright? Don't call us, we'll call you." Nick heard Rosalee murmur, "Oh! Bad boy! Down!" and the call ended. Nick stared at the phone in his hand.

"How the fuck did he get to Anaheim?" The other three men looked just as confused as he felt. Sean's mouth was hanging open, and Nick suddenly longed to kiss him now that he was sober... No, hold up, there are bigger fish to fry.

"So... he's with her... and they're going to have some... uh, alone time. Good for them!" Bud stuttered. "Well, I mean, I wish he'd told us sooner, but he told me that they haven't really been able to, um, engage in those kinds of, um, activities lately. He said that's part of why she's been so stressed... This may not be in your books, but it's generally known that female Fuchsbau need regular, ummm, outlets for their, uh, urges, or they get wound too tight, so to speak. He told me he wanted so badly to take her on vacation but they didn't have time. So Rosalee should be easier to deal with now... Not that she was ever really _difficult_ to deal with..."

"Call DeEtta. See what she knows. Something doesn't make sense here..." Sean spoke up, stroking his jaw with his thumb. Nick dialed the older Calvert sister, who answered on the second ring.

"Monroe?"

"DeEtta! It's Nick!"

"Oh, hi, Nick! How's Disneyland?" The men shared confused looks.

"Wait... what?"

"Rosie told us you guys were going to Disneyland for Monroe's bachelor party. That must be a lot of fun! Please tell me you have pictures of Monroe in Mickey ears! I need to see them!"

"Umm... I'll get on that. Where did you girls end up?"

"We're in Vegas, baby! Whoo!" Nick heard a chorus of female voices echoing the 'Whoo'.

"Is Rosalee with you?"

"No! Poor thing wasn't feeling so good this morning! She kept moaning and making weird noises and wouldn't come out of her room; I think she may have food poisoning... It's so sad, she was so insistent on staying at the Bellagio. She's always wanted to come to Vegas... anyway, she stayed in today and told us to go ahead and enjoy the city..."

"Where are you staying at the Bellagio?"

"Ummm, 29th floor. One of the penthouse suites... Why, is something wrong?"

"Don't worry about it, DeEtta, enjoy the rest of your day."

"No problem! Say hi to Donald for me! He's my favorite!" Nick hung up and looked at the other men as he felt his face turn red.

"They're here. On the 29th floor." The other three men's mouths were hanging further open. Hank was the first to speak.

"You mean he's been here the entire damn time?"

"I guess so..."

"So, let me get this straight..." Sean began, "Rosalee told her bridesmaids that _we_ were going to Disneyland, and Monroe told us _they_ were going to Disneyland, but we're all actually _here_, in Vegas."

"Yeah. DeEtta said Rosalee insisted on staying here... And they're on _this_ floor..." Nick suddenly remembered Monroe's little notebook where he was writing his vows. A heart with the letters 'RC' floated to the forefront of the memory, and Nick smacked his forehead as realization washed over him. "This Marcy or Darcy girl we've been looking for... it was RC. For Rosalee Calvert. The girl with the pink hair was Rosalee! That's why we acted like we knew her! That's why we would insist they got married right now! He didn't cheat! They planned this!" Hank started laughing, sinking to the floor.

"WOW. Damn, Monroe even plans his drunken booty-calls a month in advance! I love it! You know what? He's safe, he's gettin' some... I ain't even mad at the guy!" Hank started laughing harder, his relief evident in his face. Bud tried valiantly to contain his laughter, but soon he joined Hank on the floor, leaving Sean and Nick to stare at them. Sean cracked a smile as well.

"Well, Nick, you do have a tendency to barge in on them without warning... and they've been helping with a lot of cases lately, so I can see why they think you're..." he dissolved into a fit of giggles, "a COCKBLOCK!" He joined the other men rolling on the floor. Nick stared at them all. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to be downright furious. He was itching for a fight, hoping for a reason to hand Eric Renard his ass... But Monroe was safe, and he and Rosalee were engaging in some stress relief. The more Nick thought about it, the more he realized they were right. He remembered interrupted kisses, awkwardly rushed phone calls, showing up at their house to find them answering the door in various states of undress with sighs and rolled eyes. That explained their whispered mantra, "It's probably life or death, it's probably life or death," every time he was standing on their porch. Wow, he was oblivious... He was going to need to start giving them some more space. He started laughing as well, joining the other men on the floor. Sean sat up and wrapped his arm around Nick's shoulder, and Nick realized he felt warm and tingly all over.

"How about we go get some lunch?" Bud asked when they finished laughing.

XxXxX

As they were finishing up their lunch, Monroe's phone rang in Nick's pocket. The little icon next to Nick's name in Monroe's phone was a skull. Nick rolled his eyes and answered the phone.

"So, uh, we're done. For real. I'm going to head to the room now."

"No, umm, why don't we come get you? So we can say hi to Rosalee?"

"Nick, I think I can handle walking down a hallway by myself."

"Just... trust me and wait, okay? We'll come get you. You owe us that, at least."

"Umm, okay, but I _really_ need a shower and a change of clothes... And I haven't eaten anything today except... umm... Well, nothing that's, you know, filling... OW! I didn't actually say it!"

"We'll be right there... and we'll bring you something."

Nick heard the kisses and giggling down the hall. He had a paper bag with a veggie wrap, a bag of chips, and a bottle of water in it. Sean, Hank, and Bud followed behind them. Sure enough, the girls' room was right next to the service closet where they had deposited Axel this morning. Hank sighed.

"So I guess it was them I heard knocking boots this morning? Man..." Nick knocked quietly, and Rosalee opened the door wearing a huge fluffy bathrobe, her hair completely unkempt. She looked happier than she had been in months, and she smiled widely.

"Hi! Sorry..."

"But not really," Monroe commented with an equally goofy grin, the tips of his ears red. He turned to her, leaning her against the doorframe with a gentle kiss."You should shower and try to catch up with DeEtta and the girls, see some sights. The roller coaster at New York-New York is really fun... I'm sorry I wasted so much of your weekend..."

"The minute being with you becomes a waste of my time, I will be sure to let you know... Besides, now I can actually enjoy myself... I think I'll be able to walk properly after I shower..."

"That's not _my_ fault. I at least _tried_ to be a gentleman... _you_ didn't want me to be..." he bent down to kiss her again.

"Okay, random fucking dude," she said with a smile. Nick rolled his eyes.

"Okay, my slutty bachelorette."

"I'm not going to be allowed to forget that, am I?" Nick asked, rubbing his temple.

"Nope," the couple responded in unison before dissolving into giggles.

"Okay, one more, for real," Monroe mumbled against Rosalee's lips as she tried to subtly grab his ass and pull him closer.

"I'd say 'get a room', but you already did. Let's go, Loverboy," Sean muttered as he and Hank each grabbed Monroe by an arm and started pulling him down the hall.

"I love you!" Rosalee called after them.

"I know!" her fiancé yelled back. Rosalee giggled, waved, and went back into her suite. Monroe sighed, stupid smile on his face.

"Guys, I think I love her..."

"I'm glad you've come to this realization... considering you're marrying her... But we wanted to... umm... warn you about our room... It got a little... crazy..." Monroe cut Bud off.

"You mean the party got a little out of hand? No shit. As soon as you dragged Eric in, it was a bit of a ballroom blitz..." The men all stopped and stared, eyes wide.

"Wait, you _remember_?"

"Yeah... What? You guys don't?" They shook their heads as Sean opened the door. Monroe stepped inside, looked around, and took a deep breath in, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You guys are so lucky I am running on endorphins right now. Just promise me you idiots won't ever try absinthe again... Okay, let me take a shower, change, and eat, and I'll tell you what happened."


	17. Chapter 17

_In which we hear Monroe's telling of events..._

* * *

While Monroe showered and dressed, the other men set about cleaning up the suite the best they could. Hank and Sean were finally able to get the chair off the chandelier, but nobody really wanted to talk to anybody else. When Monroe finally emerged from the bathroom in a fresh set of clothes, he made a beeline for the bag of food. When he sat, everybody stopped what they were doing and sat around the table as well.

"Please tell me you're not going to sit and watch me eat..." he mumbled, opening the bag of chips.

"Well, we would like an explanation... you promised us..." Nick began. Monroe put the bag of chips down and stared hard at the Grimm.

"Two can play at that game. YOU promised you would stay sober. And you didn't. And you are all incredibly lucky that I am apparently not a mean drunk. So there is that. But I suppose I should be happy, because the fact that you guys all got wasted afforded me a whole uninterrupted twelve hours with Rosalee..."

"That's the first thing!" Hank said with annoyance in his voice, "What the hell? Why is she here?" Monroe raised his eyebrows.

"Remember the endorphins I mentioned earlier? They're wearing off. Please adjust your attitude. I'll tell you what happened, but I need to eat something. Patience." He unwrapped the veggie wrap, sniffed it, and took a bite. He chewed for a moment, as if trying to gather his thoughts.

"First thing you need to understand is that Rosalee and I haven't had the opportunity to be be... intimate... in the past few months. Every time we've tried, the phone would ring, or the doorbell, or something. Life or death, everything's always life or death. Things kept coming up, dragging one or both of us away. I found it annoying, but with meditation and yoga, I could deal with it. Fuchsbau vixens aren't wired like that; if they don't get a steady... outlet... they get really stressed out. You know how frustrated she's been lately? Why she can't make any decisions? Built up, pent up hormones. She didn't want to make a big deal out of it..."

"So you couldn't have fit in a quickie at one point?" Hank grumbled. Monroe took another bite of his wrap and glared at the detective as he chewed.

"Hank, I don't really _do_ quickies, if you know what I mean. And even if I did, by the time it became a noticeable problem, it was beyond what a quickie could solve anyway. And honestly, the fact that she _let_ it get to that point should tell you something about how important she thinks our work with you guys is.

"So when you guys told me you'd decided on Vegas for the bachelor weekend, I got an idea. Rosalee told me DeEtta and the bridesmaids were having a hard time figuring out what to do because half of them wanted to do Vegas and half wanted to do Disney. DeEtta had Rosalee decide. We decided that if we're all at the same hotel, she or I could slip away in the middle of the night, have a roll in the hay, then go back to what we were doing like nothing had happened. This would be further aided by the fact that most of you, and especially DeEtta, have ridiculously low alcohol tolerance." He took another bite and regarded his friends cooly. "So, what's the last thing everybody remembers?"

"You fell in a bush," Sean began.

"Then you hugged me," Nick continued.

"Don't remember much of the show, but Destiny..."

"Rita."

"Rita was flirting with me and agreed to come back with us."

"Blonde twins getting upset when I told them I was married, but wanting to come back with us anyway." Monroe sighed and his head fell back a little.

"Okay... well, the fact that you found out the one dancer's real name tells me that you were looking for me. That happen this morning?" His compatriots nodded. "And going by what you said to Rosalee, I take it there was some sort of confrontation with Eric at some point today as well?" More nods. "Oh, boy... okay... well, here we go...

"Nick, please don't take this the wrong way, but when I went to hug you, it was mostly to get my phone back. Rosalee and I were sending each other updates. I did get a little confused with hula-hoop girl looking so much like her, but then I remembered she told me they were seeing _O_, which is Cirque's show downstairs here. So I grabbed a phone that I thought was mine and put it in my pocket. The show was nice. Girls were pretty. I go to the bathroom afterward and send Rosalee a text to touch base; I let her know Nick had my phone so I stole his... Oh, here, by the way." Monroe pulled Nick's phone out of his pocket and slid it across the table.

"When I got out of the bathroom, Bud apparently endeared himself to the twin Spinnetod, who assured us they weren't hungry, and Hank was hanging on Rita. They and a few other girls accompanied us back to the hotel. Rita called the girl from _Zumanity_ who does the hula hoops, and I got a little confused again... I kept calling her Rosalee. Her name is Barbara, but she goes by Babs. Anyway, we all come up here and Nick puts on music, Hank raids the bar, and I sit and talk to Babs. I think she got the wrong impression of me, because she started getting really handsy. I text Rosalee to get over here and bring the girls because I was getting really uncomfortable and Babs didn't seem to understand that while I was planning on having sex, it wasn't going to be with her.

"Bud was starting to pull people from the hallway in to join us. That's when the girls showed up: DeEtta in a blue wig, Rosalee in pink, Mariyam in red, Audrey in yellow, and Lindsey in green. They had decided to do like an '80s thing, and were going by their initials: DC, RC, MM, AG, and LV. So I introduce Rosalee to Babs, and Babs got mad and tried to attack her! I let Rosalee take care of it, because your should _never _get between two females, especially if they're fighting over territory, which they were. They cause a bit of a scene, and Nick and Sean tried to break it up but I stopped them. Rosalee gained the upper hand, and was actually about to bash Babs's head into the floor before I stopped her and pulled her off. Turns out Babs was another Fuchsbau, and Rosalee asserted her dominance. So Babs leaves.

"You guys all thought our little stunt was great, and agreed to play along with the initials thing. Time passes, more and more people get dragged in, and I don't care because I've got Rosalee. We cuddle up on the couch together, watching Nick and Sean dancing together and Bud pull people in, telling each other about our day. We found the calm in the eye of the storm, so to speak.

"Then we see Bud bring Eric in, although we didn't really recognize him at first. He stands there awkwardly with a bottle of absinthe for a moment, then Sean sees him and goes all Superman. I shit you not, he just about flies over to Eric, screaming 'NOT MY GRIMM!' at the top of his lungs and punches him in the face. One solid punch, boom, right to the jaw. Eric goes down pretty hard, and the bottle of absinthe rolls away. As soon as Sean yells Grimm, about half the people in the party freak out, woge, and run for the door. It was actually kind of hilarious. Sean goes through Eric's pockets and takes off his Royal ring, and Nick comes over. I guess that display of Alpha-level aggression is what it took to break down the walls of the Friendzone, because Nick just about throws himself at him."

"You mean we kissed?" Sean asked quietly.

"Sort of like there was no tomorrow. It was sweet, you defending him like that. Rosalee checked to confirm he wasn't dead, and Hank suggested we tie him up and hide him somewhere, because that would teach him. Rosalee takes off the fishnet tights she was wearing, and tells us there's a service closet down by their room. We tie him up with the most elaborate knots I can remember from Boy Scouts, and Hank and I carry him down the hall with Rosalee leading. We get to the service closet, and... I probably shouldn't tell you this, but Rosalee can pick locks. It's probably the only door on this floor that needs a key, and she picked it like a Bond girl or something... it was insanely sexy. If Hank hadn't been standing there... well, swaying, really... I would have just dragged her back to her room and had my way with her... I was really tempted..."

"Quit drooling and keep talking."

"Well, Hank, then you started stumbling back to our room, so we followed. When we got back, Sean and Nick were still making out and Rita had prepared absinthe shots. I've had absinthe before and was not really looking to repeat _that_ experience. Rosalee didn't like the way it smelled, so she gave her shot to DeEtta. Rosalee pulls me into a corner and we start kissing. It was nice... until Hank decided that since it was our party, we needed to be at the center of attention. So he pushes me down in a chair in the middle of the room. Now, X Burlesque does a thing called X Burlesque University where they teach you some dances and how to put on showgirl makeup and stuff. The girls did that yesterday, so they kind of goaded Rosalee into doing a lap dance for me. And it was AWESOME. Everyone else just kinda disappeared... and I had to have her.

"So I get up and we make for the bedroom, and Hank, I swear to God, I have never wanted to snap somebody's neck so much in my life. Hank stops us and decides that we needed to, and I quote, 'cut the bullshit and get married already'. He asked the people at the party if we should get married that night here in Vegas, and the answer was a very enthusiastic yes. Rosalee just about begs me to go along with it. Says she has hated the entire process of wedding planning and just wants to be mine. She looked like she was going to cry... and you guys know me, how am I going to deny her anything? Then DeEtta upchucks all over the chair I had been sitting in. She didn't look so good, so the other girls wished Rosalee good luck and take DeEtta back to their place. She felt much better in the morning, and I don't think she remembered anything..."

"She didn't," Nick interjected, "She thought we were at Disney when we called."

"You called her?"

"After you and Rosalee hung up on us."

"Oh. Anyway, Bud starts cleaning up the vomit, and Hank is still trying to convince Rita to stay with him, so we pull Nick and Sean apart and ask them to come with us, be our witnesses. So we find the closest 24 hour chapel over on East Harmon, and make our way there, two couples kinda stumbling around, singing and kissing and laughing...

"We get there, and Rosalee loved it; the gazebo was all lit up and it was nice... a little too much red, but it was nice. Linda was very sweet, got everything all set up... And just as she had us join hands, I looked into Rosalee's eyes... and I couldn't do it. It wasn't right. I mean, we were in Vegas, she was wearing a ridiculous pink wig, we were both a little tipsy still, you two were out of your minds and probably weren't going to remember even being witnesses in the morning... that wasn't how I want it to happen. And I told her so. And she started crying... aww, man, that was almost enough to make me change my mind. I hate seeing her cry... I pulled her into a corner and convinced her we've already put so much work into the wedding and it would be a shame to let it go to waste, and it was because I wanted it to be perfect for her... And so I asked her, point blank, if she wanted to take the biggest step in our relationship giving in to drunken peer pressure like some stupid high school kids. And she said she didn't. So I promised her I would take care of her... needs... and then she should be good to go to wrap up the last minute details.

"In the meantime, Nick and Sean are dancing and singing to the music playing over the speakers. It was ridiculously adorable, if I may say so. So we tell Linda we aren't going to go through with it and apologize for wasting her time when Rosalee suggests Sean and Nick get married. Linda explains that since gay marriage isn't legal in Nevada, they can't be married, but they can have a commitment ceremony. You guys decide you want to, and I figure hey, you won't remember and it's not legally binding, no harm, no foul. Let you have a little fun before we have to face Juliette." Nick stiffened at the mention of Juliette's name. Monroe must have noticed, because he continued quickly.

"So we do that... and it was really cute, by the way; their commitment ceremony script is actually very sweet... and head back to the hotel. We get back to the room and Rosalee and I just head straight for the bedroom. I'm not going to get into a lot of details, but for some reason, you guys decided that we weren't allowed to have sex. You literally tore the door off. I don't know how the fuck you idiots did that, but you did. Then you _literally_ pull me off her like it's a shivaree or something. I tried to stay on her, and ended up shredding the covers. And that's when Rosalee flipped shit. She gave you guys the biggest lecture about being cockblocks, especially Nick. But honestly, I think you're lucky she didn't bite you all. She was fucking _pissed_. So she hands me my pants and we leave. All the bridesmaids are passed out, so we lock her door and just... have a good time."

"And you didn't think that maybe, just maybe, you should remind us?" Sean looked like he was getting a little angry.

"I sent a text from Nick's phone to mine this morning after we finished our second round, before we took a nap. I mean, we had to turn Nick's phone off because Juliette wouldn't stop calling, but we figured the radio silence to Rosalee's phone meant we had your blessing. Nick, you can look for yourself." Nick powered on the phone. He ignored the missed calls and voicemails from Juliette. He opened his texts. He felt a cold weight drop in his stomach. He scrolled up, and his suspicion was confirmed.

**6:43 AM **

**Having sex with Rosalee. I'll let you know when we're done. Enjoy your day.**

The name at the top of the screen, the recipient of said text? Juliette.

"Oh fuck..."

"What?" Monroe asked, concern crossing his face. Nick felt himself go pale as he handed the phone to Monroe. The Blutbad's eyes went wide.

"Oh my God... Oh, God, I'm so sorry... oh God, no wonder she wouldn't stop calling... Oh God..."

"WHAT?" Hank, Bud, and Sean all asked in unison.

"I sent the text to Juliette." Sean took the phone and started scrolling through Juliette's angry texts.

"Lot of threats here, Nick... probably in the voicemail, too..." Nick sighed and his head fell back. And he realized he didn't really care. Sean knew. Monroe knew. Rosalee knew. They said they would help him. It no longer mattered to him.

"You know what?" Nick began, "We'll get there when we get there. Monroe, there's something we need to tell you, though..." Monroe finished up his meal and was gathering up the trash.

"Hmm? What?"

"Eric was really, really mad at Sean... and when we saw him earlier, he said he was going to ruin you and Rosalee's life together. He was going to seduce her away from you with money and jewelry or whatever, and then do a memory thing like Adalind did to Juliette to make her... forget you... He said you were more emotionally fragile and wouldn't be able to handle it... Sean threatened him, but I think you and Rosalee may want to be careful..." Monroe sat for a moment, processing what Nick told him; but instead of appearing worried, the Blutbad started laughing.

"He thinks it would be that easy just because she's a Fuchsbau, huh? Well, he missed _that_ window of opportunity. Definitely never gonna happen now." He smiled widely, and Nick was confused. They weren't married yet... What was he talking about? Fortunately, Bud spoke up.

"Wait, you aren't saying what I think you're saying... are you?" Monroe pulled down the collar of his shirt with a dreamy smile. On his left shoulder was an angry red bite mark. It looked deep.

"Yep!" Bud looked horrified.

"You mean you didn't wait until your wedding night? Oh my GOD, Monroe!"

"Wait," Hank interjected, "_Rosalee_ did that to you?" Monroe nodded.

"Yep! And she has a matching one, same place."

"I can't believe you did that! What will people say?" Bud was getting worked up.

"Bud, we are grown adults! Who are getting married in 13 days anyway! Who cares if we claim each other now?"

"But why did you _bite _each other?" Nick asked. Monroe sighed.

"Certain species... Blutbaden, Fuchsbau... mark their mates. That is, in the throes of passion... traditionally, consummating a marriage... during climax, both parties will woge and one party will bite the other. They bite hard enough to draw blood, and it will still be visible in human form as a scar. It tells anybody who would try to seduce us that we are already taken. And while not a lot of research has been done into it, it connects us emotionally; the mix of pain and pleasure is symbolic of how our lives together will be, and the blood bond somehow acts kind of like a homing device... That is, we'll always be drawn back to each other. I am hers until I die, she is mine until she dies. It isn't something to be taken lightly, and some couples wait years to claim each other... But the moment presented itself this morning, and she asked me to do it, so I marked her and then our next round, she marked me... Point is, if that bastard wants her, he will have to drag her away kicking and screaming..." He shrugged and stood up.

"Okay, now that you know what happened, we should work on cleaning up best that we can. And if it's all the same to you, I think we should figure out something to do tonight that doesn't involve too much drinking, okay?"


	18. Chapter 18

_In which the guys have one more encounter with Eric and get ready to go back to Portland..._

* * *

The guys managed to get most of the suite in order, but there was still extensive damage.

"I guess it's a good thing I won all that money," Monroe muttered.

"How much _did_ you win?" Bud asked.

"Well, I didn't tell Rosalee yet, but our wedding and honeymoon are paid off... And hopefully the damages to the hotel room... I feel so badly for the people who have to clean this up..."

"I still think you were counting cards." Hank muttered.

"Just because I _can_ doesn't mean I _did_... Well, I _might_ have used the odds when making that last double-or-nothing bet... Point is, if I wanted to, I could have wiped Frau Dorothea out, but I didn't want to get myself or her in trouble... Anyway, we should probably go get something to eat... Oh, crap, that reminds me, I want to stop at the Tiffany's downstairs. I want to pick out a wedding present for Rosalee..." Nick raised an eyebrow.

"Tiffany's? Really?" Monroe shrugged.

"Well, they have watches, too. I've always been curious about them, but I've never been in a Tiffany's before..." The others agreed, and they headed down toward the shops. When they arrived at the shopping level, Sean's posture changed, and he yanked Monroe back behind a column.

"Dude, WHAT?" The other men huddled around them.

"Eric!" Sean whispered, pointing toward the Armani store across the way, where Eric was standing. He looked like he was waiting for somebody.

"Oh, Eric..." Monroe muttered, his eyes flashing red, "I think I need a word with him..." He turned to Sean. "What do you think?" The two must have had a telepathic moment, because they smiled at each other in a way Nick found disconcerting. Sean nodded.

"By all means..." Eric came closer to the column they were hiding behind, and Monroe reached out. In a lightning-fast movement, he grabbed Eric and pinned him to the column by his throat. The Blutbad put his face so close to the Prince's that Nick was worried Monroe was going to lick him.

"Hi, Eric," Monroe said, his voice dripping like poisoned honey. "I heard you were looking for me. A little birdy mentioned that you made threats against me, and against the woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with. Now, the part about you threatening me, eh, doesn't really bother me that much. But let me explain what will happen to you if anything should happen to Rosalee.

"You and Sean are not the only ones who have intricate little webs of connections. I've met a lot of people in my life, and since I'm a pretty nice guy, most of them like me enough to help me out. Many of them owe me favors. Some of them owe me _huge_ favors. And not just here in the States: Canada, Mexico, Australia, most of Europe, I know a guy. Or I know a guy who knows a guy. Or I know multiple guys. So let's assume you _do_ take Rosalee. And we're going to say 'take' because there is no way that she would leave of her own free will, especially now. Wolves and foxes mate for life, and she is mine and I am hers. But I digress. Suppose you _did _manage to steal her away from me. I will find you, either by tracking her myself or through my contacts. And Rosalee will fight you every step of the way as well. Between us, you will never be able to rest.

"Now, when I catch you... not if, _when_... the hows and whys of your punishment will be determined entirely by how well you treated her. If you've kept her well-taken care of, I shall merely maim you, as a reminder to never, _ever_ get between a Blutbad and his mate. If you were stupid enough to harm her or mistreat her in any way, I will kill you. And if you kill her, that is the last mistake you will ever make; see, if you think I'm... what did you call me? Emotionally fragile? You have no idea. I am Bruce fucking Banner, man. See,_ I_ will not kill you; not Monroe, the Wieder Blutbad who is a vegetarian and does yoga and sits for hours at a time working with tiny gears; no, the Monroe who will kill you will be a Blutbad who has lost his mate and has nothing else to live for; by the time I am done with you, there will not be a body _left_ to find." Monroe punctuated the sentiment with a squeeze to Eric's throat, and the Royal's eyes bugged a little. "So come after us; _I fucking dare you_. It will not end well for you. Now get the fuck out of here, and remember what I said: I can find you, and I have a lot of people who owe me big favors." Monroe let Eric go. "Come on, guys, I think we're done here." When the Blutbad turned his back, Eric grabbed him around the neck. In a blur of movement coupled with a sickening crack, Eric Renard was laid flat on his back on the floor in front of Monroe, his arm bent at a unnatural angle. It was likely broken. Monroe released his grip on the Prince's wrist, and squatted down.

"I. Wasn't. Kidding." The Blutbad stood, brushed his sleeves, and looked at his companions, who were staring at him wide-eyed. "What? Did you guys think I was joking?" Four heads shook. "Well, then, come on." They left Eric groaning on the floor. They rounded the corner and saw the Tiffany and Co. shop.

"Does, uh, anybody want to come in with me?" Monroe asked as they stood at the threshold of the store, clearly nervous about going in somewhere that fancy. Especially because he still had adrenaline coursing through his veins from having to flip Eric over his shoulder, probably breaking the Prince's arm in a few places. Nick had to concede that he certainly didn't look like a guy who should be shopping in there. Sean stepped up and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"We're just looking. Unless we find something worthy of her." Monroe nodded, and the two men went into the shop together as Nick, Hank, and Bud watched the fountains. After a few minutes they, saw Eric pass, holding his arm. A few minutes after that, Hank spotted Dorothea wandering around, looking lost.

"Hello, Frau Dorothea!" Hank greeted her. She smiled.

"Oh, hello! You are Herr Monroe's friend!"

"Are you looking for somebody?"

"Yes! I was supposed to meet somebody last night and he never came; he then told me he would meet me today... But I do not see him..." The three men exchanged a look.

"Was his name Eric by any chance?" Nick asked.

"Yes! Yes it was!"

"Frau Dorothea, as... Herr Monroe's friends... we need to tell you that Eric is a very dangerous man. In fact, he threatened Monroe and Rosalee." The Mauzhertz girl's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped.

"But who would threaten Herr Monroe and his Schatz?"

"Somebody very terrible. Forget him. Do not see him. I don't think Herr Monroe would like if anything happened to you. And stay safe... Mausi." Dorothea nodded and scurried away in the opposite direction.

About half an hour later, Monroe and Renard came back out of the shop, the Blutbad carrying a Tiffany Blue bag.

"Did you get her a watch?" Bud asked. Monroe shook his head.

"Actually, no. I can get her something much better quality much cheaper through some of my contacts... I did look, they have a chronograph that was interesting, but they wouldn't let me open it up and take a look inside... Anyway, my mother always said that a lady should always have a good string of pearls, even if she never has anywhere to wear them. I don't think Rosalee has anything like that, so that's what I got her. And a pair of matching earrings. And a pair of diamond earrings for her birthday..." He turned to Sean. "She, um, doesn't need to know how much I spent. If she knew how much I spent on her, she'd freak out." The Prince raised his hands.

"I merely consulted, I did not see any price tags whatsoever."

"How much _did_ you spend? If you don't mind my asking?" Hank said.

"Nope, not telling. Sorry. Suffice to say it's more than she'd be comfortable with, but she's worth every penny and then some." Hank smiled a little.

"Well, good for you, man. And hopefully you'll find excuses for her to wear them."

"I hope so, too. So I guess we should get something to eat, pack, and get ready to leave in the morning, huh?"

XxXxX

A little while later, the guys were back in the suite, silently watching the sun set over the Las Vegas Strip. They decided there probably wouldn't be any harm if they stuck to beer. Monroe was still fussing over his little notebook, his glasses sliding down his nose. Finally, Hank broke the silence.

"Monroe..." The Blutbad looked up.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about this weekend." Monroe looked up, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry it was such a mess. I'm sorry we're all sloppy drunks who couldn't keep our shit together and that you had to break Eric's arm..." Monroe shrugged and smiled.

"I actually think it was the best weekend I could have asked for."

"Really? You shittin' me?"

"Why would I bullshit something like that? My friends took me on a nice trip to a nice city, spoiled me rotten, and on top of it, I had some amazing sex with the woman I'm going to marry. Seriously, our second round? That wasn't sex, that was a religious experience... So even with the unfortunate parts, I'd say it was a pretty epic weekend." Nick snorted.

"Religious experience, huh? Care to go into more detail?" The Grimm asked with a smirk.

"Man, you guys are perverts. You really don't want to hear about that, do you?"

"Well, just saying, we'd like to know what you were up to while we were searching all over creation for you..." Hank commented slyly.

"Bud, you don't want to hear this, do you?" Bud shrugged.

"I may come off a little uptight sometimes, but I think it's because I've got kids. I think you'll understand when you and Rosalee have some... and I hope you do. It's hard work, being a parent; you need sense, endurance, luck, and a whole lot of balls, and I think you've proved many times over you've got all of the above..."

"Not to mention any kids you two have are going to be MENSA members and totally adorable," Sean commented.

"And we're going to spoil them to death," Nick added.

"...But anyway, point is, I enjoy a good marking story. They're always... oddly romantic..."

"Aww, Bud, you big softie!" Monroe smiled kindly at his friend. "Well, I guess I'm out-numbered... the first time we did it was just completely desperate; we didn't even make it to the bed. We just locked the door and went at it on the floor, still mostly clothed and she was still wearing the wig. When we finished, I remembered that I am, in fact, a gentleman, and I picked her up and carried her to bed. We rest for a few minutes, cuddling, and then she climbs on top and we start doing it again. Nothing matters except her. Then at some point, she climbs off me and goes over by the window, and the lights are shining in, reflecting off of her skin, and she is _glowing_. Like an angel... She beckons me to join her. I press her against the window and get back to it, and I hear her gasp; not a normal, heat-of-the-moment-during-sex gasp, but a sound of utter awe. And she makes me stop. The sun is rising over the Las Vegas Strip, and man, that was beautiful, with the mountains in the distance... I start going again, and we're watching everything... Then she turns to me, looks me right in the eye, and she is just awash in golden light... and she goes 'Mark me... Please.' Like, begging. And who was I to say no? A few minutes later, she lets me know she's ready... and we were both crying because it was just so beautiful and perfect and right... there are no words, guys. It was by far the most perfect sexual experience I have ever had..." Monroe took a swig of his beer.

"So how many times _did_ you score last night?" Hank asked. Monroe nearly choked laughing.

"Well, he probably doesn't remember it, but Sean told us that I should, and I quote, 'give her a ride' for each of you. Which I did. Plus one for her, one for me, and I suppose one for good luck." Hank did the mental math.

"7 times? In 12 hours? You're bullshittin'. No man can do that!"

"Nope, still not bullshitting. Might I remind you, I am not only a man. I am a Blutbad who does Pilates and yoga who hadn't been able to mate in a few months... and we managed a couple hours sleep as well."

"So Monroe... while we're on the subject of your sex life," Sean sat back and tented his fingers, "where _is_ the weirdest place you and Rosalee have had sex?" Monroe shook his head.

"Nope. She and I answered that question for you and Nick last night, and if you were too drunk to remember, I'm not telling you again." Sean held up his hands.

"Understood. So what still needs to be finalized before the wedding?" The guys talked long into the night, and eventually Hank and Bud decided to turn in. Once their door closed, Monroe and Sean turned to Nick.

"What do you want to do about Juliette?" Monroe asked quietly. Nick looked down at his lap, and felt a warm hand in his. Sean. Nick inhaled deeply.

"I'm going to leave... but I need a place to..."

"You can stay with me for a while," Sean interrupted, "at least, if that's okay." Nick smiled sadly. He felt Monroe's hand on his shoulder as well.

"We're here for you, buddy. We'll all go together and get your things. And Juliette left a very, very nasty voicemail for Rosalee today, so I'm sure Rosalee will want to come along. Nick smiled at his friends. Monroe slapped his legs and stood up. "Whelp, I think we should head off to bed... good night, guys."

"Night." Nick and Sean replied in unison. They made their way to their room and Sean shyly looked at the floor.

"So how do you want to proceed with this?" Nick said nothing, but cupped his boss's cheeks in his hands, pulling him in for a kiss. Sean willingly kissed back, gently at first, but soon the kiss grew deeper and more desperate and the Royal ran his hands through the Grimm's hair. They parted and Nick nearly ripped Sean's shirt off his shoulders, running his hands over the solid muscles. Sean gently pushed Nick backward on to the bed and climbed on top of him, showering him with gentle kisses.

"I hope we didn't drink too much," Nick sighed as Sean kissed his neck, "because I definitely want to remember this." Sean smiled, and they kissed again as he unbuttoned Nick's jeans.


	19. Chapter 19

_In which our heroes go home and confront Juliette..._

* * *

Nick had never experienced intimacy with another man (at least, not that he could remember), but Sean gently guided him through the process. He found he liked it. Afterward, Nick rested his head on Sean's smooth, muscular chest, and the Prince ran his hand through Nick's hair. He missed this. He missed gentleness, warmth, affection, closeness.

"How did you like that?" Sean asked quietly, kissing Nick's temple. Nick turned and caught his boss's lips in his own. He felt Sean smile. "That much, huh?" he asked when they parted. Nick nodded against Sean's cheek. Sean sighed contentedly. "The first few times are always the most difficult. It takes some practice..."

"'Kay," Nick commented drowsily before drifting off to sleep cuddled in Sean's arms.

XxXxX

Nick woke again before Sean. He smiled and gentle nuzzled the Royal's chest, remembering the previous night. After listening to the heartbeat next to his ear for what could have been a minute or an hour, Nick extracted himself from Sean's grip without waking him. Nick found his pants and walked out to the main portion of the suite, where he once more found Monroe sitting reading a newspaper. The Blutbad looked up, smirked, and looked back at this paper.

"What?" Nick asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Well, I'm just glad the sexual tension between you two is resolved. And don't say it isn't because I can smell it from here." Nick plopped down in a chair next to his friend. "However, you seem happier than you've been in months, so I guess you enjoyed it. I don't need details, though, okay?" Nick nodded.

"How are your vows coming?" Monroe sighed and shook his head.

"I'm still stuck. I mean, 24 hours ago, I just had _the_ most perfect moment with her... and I'm never going to have that again..." Nick reached up and put his hand on Monroe's shoulder.

"You won't have _that_ perfect moment again... but there will be others. And other moments that won't be perfect, but they'll just be _right_... You had moments like that before yesterday, right?" Monroe nodded. "Just think of what's to come... imagine her looking in your eyes and telling you that you're going to be a father... the first time you hold your child... the first time that child looks at you and says 'Daddy'..." A big smile spread across Monroe's face as he imagined it. "See? And there will be bad moments, but you'll face them together, and the good moments, like yesterday, will become perfect memories. Because if I know you, you're not going to stop trying to make those moments happen for her..." The moment was interrupted by Hank and Bud wandering out of their room.

"Guess what?" Hank began, "We remember what happened last night!" Nick and Monroe laughed. "Good. When Sean gets up, we'll go down to the casino and cash in my ticket and then we'll check out... hopefully we didn't destroy anything _too_ expensive..."

XxXxX

Fortunately the hotel manager on duty was a nice lady that Monroe and Sean were able to charm into not being too terribly angry about the damage. They caught the shuttle to the airport, and soon enough were back in Portland. They piled into Sean's car and made their way back to Monroe's house. Monroe hugged Hank and Bud, thanking them profusely for the weekend, before Hank took Bud home. Now it was time to strategize while they waited for DeEtta to bring Rosalee home. Nick went into all of his accounts on Monroe's computer, changing his passwords, quietly taking his life back. Eventually DeEtta's car pulled up, and Rosalee's keys jangled in the lock. Monroe opened the door and found himself of the receiving end of a deep kiss from his intended. DeEtta stepped inside, watching her little sister's PDA with crossed arms and a look of mock disgust. The older Calvert turned to Nick and Sean.

"So no pictures of him in Mickey ears?" They shook their heads. She sighed. "I am incredibly disappointed..." she glanced at the kissing couple. "But if they're happy, I'm happy." She smiled, and cleared her throat. No response. She tried again. Still nothing.  
"ROSIE, I'M LEAVING NOW!" Rosalee broke away from her fiancé and hugged her sister.

"Thanks for everything, DC," Rosalee said with a smile.

"No problem, RC; however..." DeEtta poked Monroe in the chest "DO NOT let her get to that point again! Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Good. Call me later." The sisters hugged once more, and DeEtta was out the door. Monroe wrapped Rosalee in his arms and she melted into his embrace rather than burrowing.

"She could smell you," Rosalee answered the question before Monroe could ask it, "But she understood why we did it. And since the other bridesmaids' noses aren't as good, she's the only one who knows. Everyone else thinks I ate something that didn't agree with me." Monroe smiled and kissed his bride-to-be's forehead.

"Okay. We were trying to figure out what to do about Juliette." Rosalee smirked.

"Well, she's really mad at me, too... I'm not telling law enforcement how to do their job, but just because Nick doesn't bruise..." Monroe looked horrified.

"Honey, no!" He wrapped her in a protective embrace. Rosalee gently took his chin in her hands and looked into his eyes.

"Two females fighting over territory," she said quietly. Monroe whined, looking from Rosalee to Nick and back.

"We'll use that as a last resort," Sean reassured the Blutbad. Monroe sighed; his protective side clearly did not want to see his beloved in harm's way.

"If you're sure..."

"Don't worry. I can defend myself if I have to. But this is only if she doesn't let Nick go willingly."

XxXxX

"Well, _that_ doesn't look good," Monroe commented as Sean parked the car in front of Nick and Juliette's house. Nick's mouth fell open, as he was pretty sure all of his possessions were now out on the lawn. Many items looked liked they had not been put there too gently. Sean, Nick, Monroe, and Rosalee got out of the car and started walking toward the house. Out of the corner of his eye, Nick saw Monroe take Rosalee's hand. As they approached, Juliette came out of the house and walked toward them, arms crossed tightly, brow furrowed. The serpent was coiled, ready to strike. Nick stopped just out of her immediate reach, Sean on his left, Monroe and Rosalee on his right.

"Juliette, I..." he began, but Juliette lunged at Rosalee, grabbing a handful of the Fuchsbau's hair.

"YOU SLUT! YOU FUCKING TRAMP! I WILL KNOCK YOUR WHORE ASS OUT!" Nick instinctively wanted to pull them apart, but Monroe stopped him.

"Never get between fighting females," the Blutbad muttered, "especially over territory." The girls scrapped for a few minutes, but it was soon clear that while Juliette could fight well with weapons, she was not very skilled at pure hand-to-hand combat. Rosalee gained the upper hand, pinning Juliette facedown on the grass, her knee between Juliette's shoulder blades. She leaned down and almost purred in Juliette's ear.

"Juliette, honey, I never mentioned it, but I've spent time on the inside, and I am NOT afraid to shank a bitch. Now, you can either calm the hell down and we can discuss this like rational people, or these two lovely law enforcement agents can file an assault charge. It's up to you." Juliette narrowed her eyes, then turned her head to Monroe.

"SHE'S CHEATING ON YOU! With Nick! She seduced him! He sent me a text! It's probably not the first time, and it won't be the last! She's a gold-digging slut!" Monroe once more demonstrated his masterful self-control, but Rosalee was visibly angered.

"Even the Kehrseite plays the Wesen card? REALLY? I oughta smash your face into the concrete..."

"Rosalee..." Monroe put a gentle hand on his fiancée's shoulder before dropping to a squat in Juliette's sightline. "Juliette, I sent that text. She was having sex with me. Nick confiscated my phone, so I stole his. I meant to text him to let him know we were safe, and I sent it to you accidentally..." He paused as he noticed the look on Juliette's face. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"No," she snarled, "you've been pussy-whipped for her so long I'm pretty sure she stole your balls and has them in a jar somewhere. Which is just as well, because I think she's the only person alive who would want to sleep with you anyway, you... you FREAK..."

"OKAY, unnecessary..."

"And completely false. Honey, they say it ain't the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean, but my man's hung like..."

"Okay, Rosalee..."

"Just sayin', any girl that turns down an opportunity like that is out of her damn mind... Now, I can let you go and we can try again, or we can find a pair of handcuffs, and it will not be as fun as it sounds. Your choice."

"Get off me." Juliette growled. Rosalee complied, and turned toward Monroe, who nodded reassuringly. Juliette stood up, brushed herself off, glanced at Nick, and attempted to grab Rosalee while the Fuchsbau's back is turned. Sean stepped between them and woged. Juliette recoiled from the appearance of Sean's Wesen form.

"If you lay a finger on her, I will arrest you. In fact, if you touch anybody, I will arrest you." Juliette turned to Nick.

"You let this happen! You let her seduce you!" she screamed. "Was she worth it? Let me guess, Monroe actually likes being a cuckold so he was watching? Or did you share her? Pass her back and forth?"

"Why does this keep ending up being about me?" Monroe muttered under his breath. Rosalee elbowed him.

"Juliette, I..." Nick looked at his friends and at Sean, "I don't want to live like this anymore. Thank you for removing my stuff from the house. I'm leaving. I already have a place to stay, and I have already changed all my passwords. Goodbye, Juliette."

"You can't! After everything you've put me through, you can't just up and leave!"

"Yes, he can," Rosalee growled, woging and baring her teeth. Monroe followed suit.

"And don't think he won't file a restraining order," Sean added. Juliette turned back to Monroe.

"You're going to be miserable with her! She'll bleed you dry and leave you for something better. And I can't WAIT to see your names in the divorce column! ...What the fuck is so funny?" Rosalee, Monroe, and Sean were all laughing. Rosalee recovered from her fit of giggles first.

"Nothing. Alright, well, we brought some boxes, so we're going to help Nick pack his stuff up, and you, Doctor Silverton, can go find some other poor sap to use and abuse. And once we get Nick settled where we're taking him, I'm going to go back home with my fiancé and have him fuck me with his freakishly gigantic monster..." Monroe put his hand over her mouth as his ears turned red.

"Okay, Nick, we're going to need to sort things you need and things we can box. Anything you don't need we can keep in the spare room at our place, okay?" Nick nodded. "And Juliette..." he turned to the Kehrseite, "if you _ever_ touch Nick or Rosalee again, I _will_ kill you. I am _not_ kidding. So I would suggest you make yourself scarce because, big emasculated freak I am, I _may_ get confused and think you're attacking them." Juliette turned to Nick and Sean.

"You're going to let them talk to me like that?" She asked Nick.

"Juliette..." Nick inhaled deeply, "go fuck yourself." With that, Juliette turned on her heel in a huff and walked back into the house to a collective sigh of relief.

"Okay, let's start boxing everything." They were able to make pretty quick work of it, as Nick didn't own many things on his own. When they were finished, they loaded everything into Sean's car and Nick's truck. Sean took Nick's house key in to Juliette (and coupled its delivery with some more threats), and they transferred Nick's things to Sean's spacious home. After everything was unloaded, Nick drove Monroe and Rosalee home. They sat in the back of his truck, and Monroe was asking over and over again if Rosalee was okay after having to fight Juliette. Rosalee assured him that she was perfectly fine.

"Although..." she murmured, "If you'd like to check me for bruising, you're welcome to..."

"I think I can do that..."

"So I take it you would like to be left alone this evening?" Nick asked, looking in the rearview mirror. The couple just about glowed together, and he felt a slight pang in his heart. But, he quickly reminded himself, he had the opportunity to try something new...

"Well, if it's life or death..." Monroe started.

"We should come up with a system. How about, uh, things that can wait are a text; slightly more important things are a call; and things that are super-important are two calls in a row?" The Fuchsbau and the Blutbad shared a look.

"Okay, we can try it and see how it works. Tonight is a two-call only night, okay?"

"Noted." They arrived at the house and Nick got out. He threw his arms around both of his friends, and they hugged him back. "Thank you both. For everything. Now, take care of each other tonight and let's get you two hitched!"

XxXxX

Nick drove back to Sean's wondering what was in store for him. For them. He parked his truck and climbed the stairs. Sean had already given him a spare key, but the door opened before he could put the key in the lock. Sean opened the door wearing a fluffy green bathrobe.

"I was waiting for you," he said with a smile, "I was going to take a shower, but I figured it would be such a waste of water if you wanted one, too... What do you think?" Nick smiled and closed the door behind him.

* * *

_One more chapter to wrap up, my dears!_


	20. Chapter 20

_I know I said this was the last chapter... but drama called, and I wanted to answer..._

_Chapter 20, in which Nick and Sean find a forgotten memory or two...and Juliette takes matters into her own hands._

* * *

After their shower, Sean and Nick sat together cuddling on Sean's large plush sofa. Then Sean cocked his head.

"Didn't that lady we talked to on the phone at the chapel say that Monroe recorded us singing and dancing?"

"Oh, yeah..." Nick pulled out his phone. Monroe had shown him how to block Juliette's number, so it was a relief to not see a mess of calls and voicemails from her. "He had my phone, so it would be on here, wouldn't it?" Nick opened his photos and there was nothing to be found. He showed Sean. "I guess he deleted it." Sean sat for a moment.

"I want to get it back. I'm just curious about it... what do you think?" Nick snorted.

"Sure, why not." As soon as he said it, his stomach rumbled. Sean laughed.  
"We can have Wu look at it tomorrow, but I agree, we should eat first."

XxXxX

Nick, Sean, and Hank went back to work on Tuesday. Fortunately, crime also apparently decided to take a holiday, as the workload was very light. Light enough for Sean to call Nick and Sergeant Wu into his office.

"Now Sergeant," the Captain began, "I need you to find any deleted videos from Detective Burkhardt's phone. Off the books, don't ask questions, don't look at them, just pull them up for us, okay? No questions, no snark." Wu nodded.

"No questions... no snark." Wu connected Nick's phone to Sean's computer . He clicked a few things, and found two videos. "There you are, Sir. No questions... no snark."

"Thank you, Sergeant. You are dismissed."

"So what happened in Vegas needed to come home..." Wu muttered under his breath as he left. Sean closed the door, walked over to his computer, and clicked the first video.  
"Donna wasn't kidding," Nick commented, "it is very pretty all lit up." Sean and Nick watched themselves do a very sloppy swing dance to Elvis's "Burning Love". The video shook with Monroe's laughter, and they heard Rosalee's voice off-screen, also laughing.

"Oh my God, I love them so much!" Nick and Sean watched the video until it ran out. When it finished, Sean dragged it to the recycle bin.

"Okay, I think we need to never speak of that again." Nick nodded in agreement. Sean opened the other video. Monroe and Rosalee were on the screen, Rosalee actually looking fairly cute in her shoulder-length pink wig. They were sing-shouting together, clearly a little tipsy.

"SWEAT, baby! SWEAT, baby! Sex is a Texas drought and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about! So put your hands down my pants..."

"Is that..." Sean began slowly.

"'The Bad Touch' by Bloodhound Gang?" Nick supplied. Monroe and Rosalee turned to each other on screen.

"You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!"

"Oh my God..." Sean's shoulders were shaking. He collapsed onto his desk in a fit of giggles. Nick could not contain his own laughter as they watched their friends dancing around. Monroe started spinning and dipping his fiancée as they laughed.

"THEY KNOW EVERY WORD!" Nick felt tears rolling down his cheeks. During one of the portions where they were dancing around mimicking the musical interlude in the song, Nick heard his own voice.

"Hey, hey, Rosalee!"

"RC, DAMNIT!"

"RC, where's the craziest place you and Monroe have had sex?"

"Well... we fucked in your TRAILER! And it was AWESOME!"

"Oh, yeah! It was so HOT!" Monroe added.

"Yeah, I dared him to!" The camera turned to face Nick.

"Un-fucking-believable! In the trailer!" Video-Nick said with a laugh.

"Hey! Hey Sean!" Monroe yelled. The camera turned to Sean.

"What?"

"Hey, remember that time Rosalee and I helped with the... umm... what the fuck was it?"

"Nucklavee!" Rosalee interjected before continuing. "Guess what? When you hid us in the back of the police cruiser and told us to wait for, like, an hour? Guess what?"

"What? Did you fuck there, too?" Video-Sean asked with a laugh.

"Damn straight we did!" Monroe commented, once more twirling his pink-haired lover. "And we did it at Bud's house during the Christmas party..."

"And at Hank's during his Super Bowl party..."

"This girl is a FREAK and I love her soooooo much!"

"I love him! And I love sex!" She turned so she was facing him, "And I love sex with you best!" They laughed together as they kissed. The kiss deepened and Video-Sean and Video-Nick cheered them on.

"Are you two gonna screw like rabbits tonight after you get married?" Video-Nick asked.

"Hell yeah!" Monroe turned back to the camera, "And YOU are NOT gonna bother us! Every time I've tried to tap this for, like, two months, you interrupted!"

"Yeah! And Fuchsbau don't like being denied sex! So we're going to get our asses married, go back to the hotel, and then I am gonna fuck him senseless!"

"How many times are you gonna have sex?" Video-Nick asked, laughing.

"Oh, I know!" Sean said, and the video turned to him. "Okay, you need to do it once for Bud, once for Hank, once for me, and once for Nick. Four!" At that point the video jumbled, and the camera landed facing the sky. They heard Monroe's voice over Nick, Sean, and Rosalee's laughter. "Okay, I am taking this back, you stupid drunk bastard!" The video ended and Nick and Sean were in hysterics.

"You're not mad at them for having sex in your trailer, are you?" Sean asked when he caught his breath.

"No... more power to him for being able to get it up surrounded by all those weapons! I know I wouldn't be able to!"

"Knowing them, it probably turns them on more!" The two men were wiping tears of mirth from their cheeks.

"You know we _have_ to get back at them for this, right?" Sean asked. Nick nodded, still laughing.

"I've got an idea..."

XxXxX

After deciding how to get back at their friends, Nick and Sean decided to go get lunch in an unmarked car. They chose a local falafel place, and sat in the car, eating, listening to the police radio. Then they heard it. An alert. Reports of shots fired. The address sounded familiar...

"Holy shit!" Nick yelped, "It's Rosalee's shop! We gotta go!" Sean threw the car into drive and Nick thanked God for the lights and siren as they proceeded to break every traffic law in Portland.

"Does Juliette have a gun, but any chance?" Sean asked.

"Shiiiiiiiit! We should have had somebody staked out to keep them safe... Fuck..."

They were the second car on the scene, but the first officers were securing the area. Nick and Sean both pulled their guns.

"Front door or back?" Sean asked. Nick motioned toward the back of the shop. Sean ordered the other officers to wait, then followed the Grimm. Nick pulled the spare key out from behind a loose brick in the wall, and they quietly entered the shop, guns drawn. However, they would both be lying if they said they were prepared for the scene that greeted them.

Against one wall was Juliette, her right arm a bloody mess, glaring daggers across the room at Rosalee, who was very pale, a large bloodstain spreading on her right shoulder. Between them paced a large, shaggy grey wolf, who alternated between growling and baring his teeth at Juliette and licking and nuzzling Rosalee. The wolf turned toward the cops as they came in, and his tail began to wag even though the look on his face was deathly serious.

"What the hell?" Nick asked, stunned.

"Well, there go my chances of animal control shooting him like the mangy, rabid mutt he is," Juliette grumbled when she saw who had responded. Rosalee's head lolled toward them. She didn't look so well.

"Monroe... protecting me..." She pointed toward the corner. "Gun... She shot me..." Wolf-Monroe sat next to her and nosed her cheek with a whimper. Nick's heart went out to them. This was the last thing they needed. Sean squatted down to Monroe's level.

"I know you're upset, but I can't call in an ambulance for her until you change back." Wolf-Monroe shot a worried glance toward Juliette and whined. "We won't let her do anything," the Royal promised him. The wolf nodded, and moments later Monroe, in full human form, had his arms wrapped around his fiancée, holding pressure onto her wound. Nick turned to Juliette, and he let his rage spill forth.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Juliette stared back hard.

"Bitch ruined my life," she said simply, "and then her meal ticket bit me."

"You're lucky I let you live," Monroe grumbled. Rosalee looked like she was losing a lot of blood. Sean pulled out his phone.

"We need an ambulance..."

"NO!" Monroe said loudly, causing everyone to jump. "I am NOT letting that... that psychopath get any closer to her than this. Separate ambulances, or we're gonna need a body bag." Sean nodded.

"Sorry, two ambulances needed..." Nick went and let the other officers in, directing them toward the gun. Sean got off the phone and addressed Sergeant Wu who had appeared at his side. "When Doctor Silverton here goes to the hospital, I want her handcuffed to the bed and her door guarded. When she is released, she is to be taken in for booking for attempted murder." Wu nodded.

"Monroe..." Rosalee whimpered quietly, "it hurts..."

"I know, honey," he whispered, "the ambulance is coming. I'm right here." Rosalee nodded; her eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out. Monroe held her closer and looked up at Juliette, who was smirking.

"If she dies, you die," he growled so quietly that only Nick could hear him. And Nick hoped with all he had that it would not come to that.

XxXxX

Nick and Sean followed Rosalee's ambulance to the hospital. They parked as close to the ER as they could, and saw Monroe, looking lost as a paramedic shooed him out of the way. They caught a brief glimpse of Rosalee, her eyes closed, the bloodstain looking larger. Nick and Sean ran over to their friend's side. He looked dazed. Rosalee's stretcher was rolled into the hospital, and the three men followed. Monroe attempted to keep following them past a sign that read "Hospital Personnel Only Beyond This Point." One of the orderlies turned around and blocked Monroe's path.

"Sir, you need to stay here. I promise we'll take good care of her."

"But..."

"SIR..." Monroe could only watch helplessly as his mate was taken away. He stared at the doors for a long moment, until Sean put a gentle hand on his arm and led the Blutbad over to a chair in the waiting area. Monroe sat, as if in a trance, and then put his face in his hands. Nick and Sean sat on either side of him, and Monroe's shoulders shook as he began to sob. Nick rubbed his friend's back.

"It's okay. Let it out," Sean muttered, "and whenever you're ready, you can tell us what happened." After a long while, Monroe sat up, sniffled, and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He took a deep breath.

"I was in the back getting a box of safflower oil to restock the shelves. The bell rang, and I hear Rosalee telling somebody to get out. She never says anything like that to customers, so I figured it had to be Juliette. I walked out to give Juliette a piece of my mind, and I saw her aiming a gun right at Rosalee's heart. So, I did what anybody would do in the situation..." Nick raised an eyebrow.

"Anybody? And I didn't even know you could _do_ that... I've only ever seen one Wesen go, like, full animal, and that was Mrs. Rabe..." Monroe nodded.

"All of us can do it, it's just a matter of how hard we have to be pushed. Obviously Juliette found, for lack of a better descriptor, my trigger. So I was able to sort of launch myself across the room and bite her arm so she shot Rosalee in the shoulder instead of the heart..." he shook his head sadly, tears threatening to spill over again, "If I had only hit her just a little bit harder..." Sean put his hand on Monroe's shoulder.

"You saved her life. You protected her the best you could, and then you made sure Juliette didn't hurt her worse..." Monroe shook his head.

"No... no... I failed her... I let her get hurt... I should have protected her... I should have jumped in front of the gun, or knocked her out of the way... _something_..." Monroe covered his face with his hands and began crying afresh. Nick continued rubbing his back; his heart broke for them. Sean got up and walked over to the desk. He spoke quietly with a nurse for a few minutes, then pulled out his phone. He walked back over to Nick and Monroe.

"She's in surgery. I'm going to call Hank to come sit with him because we need to pay a visit to Doctor Silverton." Sean nearly spat her name as if the words tasted disgusting.

"I'm okay..." Monroe mumbled.

"No, you're not. Nor should you be expected to be. Somebody just tried to kill the woman you're marrying in eleven days. Hank is going to come sit with you, we're going to see Juliette, and when she is treated and released, we're going to arrest her."

XxXxX

Hank arrived to take over sitting with a still-sobbing Monroe, and Nick and Sean flashed their badges and asked to be shown to Doctor Silverton. Wu was guarding the room.

"I always thought she was such a nice lady... what the hell happened?" Wu asked as he stood aside to let them pass.

"Long story," Nick muttered. Wu nodded, but didn't press the issue. The detective and the Captain entered the room and found Juliette in the bed, one arm bandaged, the other arm handcuffed to the bed. She smirked.

"Bitch dead yet?"

"Fuck you, Juliette," Nick growled. Sean cleared his throat.

"Doctor Silverton, when you are released, you are under arrest for the attempted murder of Rosalee Calvert." Juliette turned to Nick, her face changing to a look of sadness.

"But Nick... I did it for us... please come back, Nick... I miss you! I promise I'll change! And look what your friend did to me... he hurt me..." she pouted, and Nick nearly gagged.

"Because you shot the woman he loves! You're lucky he didn't kill you!"

"But she... you..." Sean couldn't take it anymore and exploded.

"NICK DIDN'T LEAVE YOU FOR HER! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, HE LEFT YOU FOR ME!"Juliette's jaw dropped.

"YOU'RE GAY?! I wasted five years of my life on a gay man?" Nick sighed.

"Will that make you feel better?"

"I wasted five years on you because you were in the closet?" Juliette flailed, as if she was going to strike Nick, but the handcuffs held fast.

"And now you're going to go to jail for shooting an innocent woman," Sean assured her. "I hope you're proud of yourself." Juliette turned to Sean.

"And you're..."

"Bisexual, not that it's your business. We're going back down to see how Rosalee is doing, but we'll see you in court, Doctor Silverton." Both men briskly turned and walked out of the room. On the way out, Sean spoke to Sergeant Wu. "As soon as she's released, take her down to the station and book her." Wu nodded.

"Yes, sir."

"We're going back downstairs to see the victim."

XxXxX

When Nick and Sean returned to the waiting area, they found Hank still sitting next to Monroe. Monroe was no longer crying, but stared into space, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. He didn't look like he had moved since they left. Nick noticed for the first time that Monroe's shirt was covered in blood. He wondered how much was Rosalee's and how much was Juliette's.

"Anything?" Sean asked Hank quietly. Monroe didn't even look up. Hank shook his head.

"Nobody has said anything to us. How's Juliette?"

"She'll live. But as soon as she's released, Wu's going to take her to the station to book her." Hank shifted in his chair.

"What do you think the story's going to be?" Nick shrugged.

"Let her figure that out." He dropped his voice and leaned in close to Hank's ear. "You should have seen him. He was a total, complete wolf." Hank looked at Monroe.

"Like, tail and all?"

"Tail and all." Before Nick could stop him, Hank nudged Monroe's arm, and the Blutbad started.

"Can I see you as a wolf?" Monroe gave Hank a death glare that let him know now was not the time.

"If Rosalee dies, you just might," he intoned darkly. At that moment a blonde woman in blue scrubs came in with a chart. She made a beeline for the cluster of men.

"Are you with Rosalee Calvert?" she asked. Monroe nodded, obviously bracing himself for bad news.

"I'm her fiancé, Monroe." The doctor extended her hand.

"Doctor Ademski." Monroe shook her hand. "She's coming out of anesthesia now. She should be fine, but she's going to have a limited range of motion for a while and will probably need physical therapy... What?" She noticed the distressed look on Monroe's face and the concern on the other three men's.

"How will she be by next Saturday?" Nick asked. Doctor Ademski covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh... the wedding?" All four men nodded solemnly. "Well, it'll be touch and go... she'll need a sling... and probably still be on painkillers... but if she still wants to go through with it, she should be able to... do you want to see her?" They nodded and followed the doctor down the hall. Nick heard Rosalee's weak voice calling out.

"Monroe?" She sounded terrified. Monroe broke away and sprinted toward her voice.

"Sir!" Doctor Ademski called after him, but he was already in the room. When the Doctor, Nick, Sean, and Hank caught up, he was by her side, climbing up on the bed without jostling her or disrupting any of the wires and tubes. She was still very pale, but smiled weakly as Monroe gently rubbed noses with her, tears again running down his cheeks.

"Monroe... you're okay...I thought the Bauerschwein were going to eat you..."

"Of course I'm okay, honey. The Bauerschwein were just a bad dream." Rosalee cocked her head as if his words didn't make sense. Nick figured she was probably on some heavy duty painkillers. Suddenly her eyes went round and she gasped.

"You're crying... OH MY GOD, did I miss the wedding? Did I oversleep? How long was I asleep?" Monroe smiled and wiped his cheeks.

"No, honey, you didn't miss it. Eleven more days." Rosalee looked around, noticing where she was for the first time.

"Why are we in a hospital?" Sean answered her.

"Doctor Silverton shot you. Monroe saved your life. And once Juliette is treated and released, she's going to arrested for attempted murder." Rosalee sat for a moment and cocked her head again.

"You know..." she said finally, pointing slightly at Nick and Sean "I think you two are a cute couple." She turned to Monroe. "I ship it. Hard." He nodded, and kissed her forehead gently, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

"Okay, honey." Sean nodded his head.

"Okay, well, we need to get back to work. Take care of her, and keep us posted. We'll let you know what's going on with Doctor Silverton." Monroe took Rosalee's hand in his, and she rested her head on his shoulder with a heavy sigh.

"Thanks," the Blutbad muttered as they left.

* * *

_Probably 2 more chapters now- the 10 days leading up to the wedding and then the wedding itself... Thanks for all the encouragement and reviews!_


	21. Chapter 21

_In which we get a little meta and a decision is made about the "official story"._

* * *

After his shift was over, Nick decided to stop back at the hospital and visit Monroe and Rosalee. He figured that Monroe would stay by his bride-to-be's side until forcibly removed, so he stopped to pick up some takeout for the three of them. He remembered Monroe going on a mini-rant months back about hospital food for some reason or other while Rosalee laughed, her eyes sparkling and full of love. Monroe had likewise looked back at her with pure adoration even as he gently, facetiously told her she was wrong, but he acknowledged her faults and loved her more for them. Seeing the two of them then had, at least subconsciously, made him aware that there was something wrong between him and Juliette, whether he would admit it or not.

When Nick arrived, he found Rosalee was asleep; some color had returned to her face, but she was still pale. Monroe was watching her intently, as if somebody would snatch her away from him if he blinked at the wrong moment. He looked up, and he looked exhausted. Nick didn't say a word, but lifted the take-out bag. Monroe smiled, a sad, grateful smile as Nick pulled up a chair.

"You remembered how much I hate hospital food," the Blutbad commented as Nick handed him a little box of vegetable lo mein.

"I brought Rosalee some orange beef. She's going to need protein and vitamin C." Monroe nodded.

"Fortunately, Fuchsbau are generally quick healers... Not as quick as Blutbaden, but up there..." he sniffled, twirling some noodles around on his little plastic fork.

"You aren't still beating yourself up over what happened, are you?" Monroe shook his head with a sigh.

"It just feels like a test. And I failed. Like, really badly..." Nick put his food down and put his hand on Monroe's shoulder.

"You saved her life and managed not to die in the process. Would you rather you were the one in the bed and her sitting here crying over you? Or you in the morgue and her with a wedding dress she'll never wear?" Monroe paused, a look of horror appearing for a fleeting moment on his face.

"Oh God... Yeah, I think you're right, that would be worse..." Monroe reached out and took Rosalee's hand. Her smaller hand seemed to recognize his touch, and curled around it. Monroe sighed and went back to his food. For a few minutes, the only sounds were the men chewing and the whir of hospital machinery around them. Finally Nick broke the silence.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Earlier, what did Rosalee mean when she said she ships Sean and me?" Monroe chuckled.

"Sorry, it's a fan term Rosalee and I adopted. It's short for 'relationshipping', I think, and it's basically being a hardcore fan of a certain couple. Usually they portmanteau the names. It came up because we watch "Once Upon a Time" together, and the main couple is Snow White and Prince Charming. Their portmanteau is Snowing. Then you have 'ship wars', when there are multiple pairings involving the same person, like Emma. Rosalee ships Captain Swan, which is Emma with Captain Hook, while I am a true believer in Swanfire, which is Emma and Baelfire..."

"But how could you do something like that?" Nick asked, somewhat incredulous. Monroe raises his hands defensively.

"Look, Baelfire is Henry's father, and it was destiny for them to be together... and he only left her because August..."

"No, not that. Why would you... ship... us?"

"Oh... I don't, she does. I ship you both with whomever will make you happiest. She thinks you balance each other out... and that you two are really cute together..."

"What would our ship name be?" Nick wondered aloud. "Snick? Burknard? Nicknard?"

"Rosalee calls you Renhardt, but I don't think your names go very well..."

"So you and Rosalee would be..."

"Rosroe."

"No, MonRosalee!" Nick laughed a little. Monroe cocked his head, thinking,

"MonRosalee... I don't think I like it..."

"Too bad, totally using it. I, Nick Burkhardt, ship the hell out of MonRosalee!" Monroe laughed.

"Well, I may be biased, but MonRosalee is my OTP... that means One True Pairing... geez, listen to me, I sound like a teenage girl... anyway, fine, I also ship MonRosalee."

"I ship it, too. And Nickroe is my BroTP," a tired-sounding female voice added. Rosalee's eyelids fluttered open and she smiled. "I smell orange beef and blood..." She looked over at her lover. "Honey, you may want to consider changing your shirt..."

"I will," Monroe assured her, rubbing his thumb on her hand. Rosalee addressed Nick.

"BroTP is One True Bro or friendship Pairing. And you two have the best bromance, like, ever." Nick laughed.

"Noted. How do you feel?"

"Like I've been hit by a train carrying a car carrying a ton of bricks... But at least I think I've stopped seeing sounds... But orange beef... OW."

Rosalee reached out for the food Nick extended and winced.

"Stitches, honey," Monroe reminded her, passing her the little box. "Although you're color's coming back nicely... And you look damn good for somebody who took a bullet this morning..."

"You're just saying that because you want to get into my pants..." she said with a wink.

"Oh, damn, you caught me! ...Do you want some help?"

"Could you, please? My arm doesn't want to cooperate..." Monroe opened her box and stabbed a big forkful of beef.

"Open up the hanger and let the airplane land!" The Blutbad joked as he held the fork in front of her mouth as if feeding a child. Rosalee stuck out her tongue, but ate the food he offered.

"Ugh," Nick gagged theatrically as he gathered up his trash, "MonRosalee is the most disgustingly adorable ship I have every seen in my life. I need to get out of here before the cuteness makes me puke." At that moment, a nurse walked by with a clipboard.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, visiting hours are over. You can come back tomorrow morning at 10 am."

"Can I at least finish feeding her?" Monroe asked, giving the nurse his saddest puppy dog eyes. The nurse looked both ways down the hall.

"Okay, I didn't see you, I didn't talk to you, you were in the bathroom or something... just don't get in trouble, okay?" She pointed at Nick. "He has to leave, though." Nick nodded,

"Yeah, I was doing that. I'll call you, Monroe." Monroe nodded and turned back to Rosalee, offering her another forkful. Nick again saw the shine of love in the Fuchsbau's eyes as he left them in peace.

XxXxX

Sean was on the phone when Nick got home. Nick waved slightly, grabbed a beer, and sat in the living room on the couch. Sean walked in and sat next to Nick, putting a hand on the Grimm's knee.

"That was Wu. Juliette was released to police custody. She wants to bargain. She knows the truth will make her sound crazy... well, crazier..."

"Really? What's her version of events?"

"Well, according to her, Rosalee took a stray dog in and was keeping it at the shop, a mutt of some sort, that bit her defending Rosalee. She says dog must have gotten out the back when you and I came in.

"Sounds reasonable."

"She said it was a crime of passion brought about by her own stubbornness and a misunderstanding... She said she did it because she loves you..." Nick sighed.

"Well, I don't know how she thought that would make me want to come back, but it kinda doesn't... it kinda makes me, oh, I don't know, run far, far away in the opposite direction..." Sean smiled slightly and pulled Nick into an embrace.

"Anyway, I guess that seems reasonable enough for the official story if you'd like to let Monroe know... how's Rosalee doing?"

"I took them some take-out. Monroe was feeding her when I left. They are so cute it's disgusting sometimes..." Sean chuckled.

"And apparently Rosalee thinks the same of us." Sean lightly kissed Nick's temple. "Why don't you give Monroe a call and let him know what Juliette said? Then we can pick up right here?" Nick smiled slightly and pulled out his phone. Monroe answered, still sounding tired.

"Hey, you make it home?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, just... kinda hanging out... Trying to square away any last-minute details I can on my own..."

"She'll be fine."

"I know." The Blutbad's voice didn't sound entirely convinced.

"So do you want to hear Juliette's official story?"

"Sure. How did she explain it?"

"Rosalee took in a stray dog and has been taking care of it, and it bit Juliette while protecting her. It must have gotten out when Sean and I came in." Nick heard Monroe chuckle slightly.

"No, that's definitely what happened. Maybe not 100 percent literally, but close..."

"Any word on when she'll be released?" Monroe sighed.

"Doctor said maybe Friday, if we're lucky... We have to see how she is tomorrow, if she takes a turn..."

"Don't even think that!" Nick scolded his friend, and heard Monroe whimper a little in response. "She'll be fine, and you guys are going to have a long, happy marriage and have adorable kids and I will not have you thinking otherwise... okay?" Monroe sighed.

"I'm glad one of us is the eternal optimist."

"No, I'm a realist. Rosalee is a strong, badass woman, and she loves you, and she is not gonna let a bullet keep her from the man of her dreams... Got me?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Good. I'll call you tomorrow. Get some sleep, and stop worrying. And don't you dare say 'easier said than done'." Monroe snorted.

"I hope that was a fluke and mind-reading doesn't become one of your Grimm powers, because otherwise I'm gonna be in trouble..." Nick laughed as well.

"Goodnight, buddy."

"Night." Nick hung up with a sigh and snuggled back into Sean's arms.

"You're right, you know."

"What?"

"They're going to be just fine."

* * *

_I give up on trying to figure out how many more chapters. It'll be over when it's over, okay? But thanks for sticking with me!_


	22. Chapter 22

_In which Rosalee comes home to a few pleasant surprises._

* * *

The next few days dragged by. Nick didn't want to talk to Juliette anymore, so Sean didn't make him. Juliette posted her bail, but the court date wouldn't be for a few months. Sean had also pulled some strings to get restraining orders filed quickly; however, Nick had a feeling that after Sean's admission to Juliette, that Nick left her for him, she would no longer be bothering Monroe and Rosalee.

Friday afternoon, Nick, Sean, and Hank all came by the hospital to help Monroe bring Rosalee home. Rosalee looked much better, but confessed the painkillers were making her very tired, and she would need Monroe to take her to the shop later. Unfortunately, she's right-handed, so she would not be able to work normally for a while; fortunately, Monroe served as her assistant, so between them, they'd be able to keep business going. He insisted it was fine, as there had also been a lull in clock repairs lately. Nick watched Monroe fuss with Rosalee's sling while asking seemingly a million last-minute questions to the doctor, which the doctor answered patiently even as Rosalee rolled her eyes and insisted she was not _completely_ helpless. Then Monroe took Rosalee's left hand in his.

"So, umm, we're supposed to get married next Saturday..."

"We _are_ getting married next Saturday, damnit," Rosalee muttered.

"Okay, we are getting married next Saturday... I was wondering, ummm, when we'd be able to... you know..." The tips of the Blutbad's ears were turning red.

"Consummate?" the doctor filled in. Monroe and Rosalee both nodded. "Well, it depends on how you feel. If you want to, just be sure you're comfortable and he's gentle. If you feel like there's a tugging on your stitches, stop. You'd probably have the best luck lying on your good side and him behind you... But gentle, no grasping at her arm or shoulder. If it hurts, stop. I'm sure you'll figure something out..." Monroe nodded as Rosalee smiled.

"Okay. Thanks." Monroe gently kissed the top of Rosalee's head, and they were ready to go.

The cops followed Rosalee's Fiat through Portland toward their house.

"I really hope Rosalee's in the mood for this," Hank commented.

"I hope so, too." Bud, Phoebe, and Monroe had planned a small homecoming party with Gloria, DeEtta, and the bridal party. Monroe's parents were not expected to come for another few days, which would lower the immediate stress level significantly. However, Monroe made it expressly clear that as soon as Rosalee wanted everyone to leave, everyone had to leave. Nick texted DeEtta that Rosalee was tired, but seemed to be in pretty good spirits.

Monroe parked in the driveway and scrambled to help Rosalee out of the car while Sean parked his car. Nick sighed, looking at the house.

"It's amazing how much can change in a week, isn't it?" he asked. Sean smiled and clapped him on the back.

"Monroe, there is not a damn thing wrong with my legs! I can walk just fine!" Rosalee admonished Monroe for trying to support her as she walked. She made him let go, stood wobbling for a moment, then resignedly took his offered arm again. "Okay, fine." He supported her as she gingerly made her way up the steps, then she turned to him and gently kissed his cheek. "Thank you. I'm so glad I have you." He smiled, and opened the door.

Nick was very glad that everyone inside the house was seated and calm, so as not to overwhelm Rosalee. The look on Rosalee's face said pretty much the same thing; she smiled at the 'Welcome Home' banner covered with different colored hearts. Phoebe made a small heart-shaped cake; Phoebe was an excellent baker, and was in the process of making their wedding cake as well. Then DeEtta and Gloria gave Rosalee a gift, a shawl that she could wear with her dress that would cover her sling and bandages. Rosalee cried, and she was embraced by her mother and sister. Nick noticed Monroe was likewise crying quietly, seeing the Calvert women sharing an embrace. Gloria noticed as well, and gave her future son-in-law's hand a squeeze.

"Thank you," the Fuchsbau matron said to the much larger Blutbad, "thank you for giving us our Rosie back, and for keeping her safe." Monroe sniffled a little, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"I tried," he whispered.

"You succeeded," Rosalee and DeEtta both said in unison as Rosalee wrapped her good arm around his waist. Monroe kissed the top of her head.

"So everything is pretty much squared away now, right?" Gloria asked.

"Well... More or less..." Monroe muttered. Rosalee looked up at him.

"Still stuck on your vows?" Monroe nodded, and Rosalee let her head fall back in mock exasperation. "Honey... They don't have to be perfect..."

"I know... I just..." Rosalee turned to Nick.

"Can you help him get his crap together? Please?" Nick chuckled.

"Sure. But didn't you two need to go to the shop for a bit?" Rosalee turned to her mother.

"Mom, can you help me make some pain medicine that won't leave me tired and fuzzy?" Gloria nodded and smiled.

"Of course, dear." With that, everyone said their goodbyes and promised to help in any way they could over the coming week. Monroe hugged Rosalee close to him, kissing her cheek.

"Don't be out too late," he whispered. She giggled.

"Do you hear that, Mom? Don't keep me out too late, or Monroe's gonna be waiting on the porch with a crossbow." Gloria, DeEtta, and Nick laughed.

"Don't worry, Sir, we will have her back by curfew!"

"Call us if anything, and I mean _anything,_ looks suspicious, okay?" Nick said before they could protest. All three women nodded. Rosalee kissed Monroe one more time and they were gone.

"Do you want our help, too?" Hank asked. Monroe raised his hand.

"Nah, guys, it's a Friday night... You've probably got better things..."

"Well, you've got beer, let's order a pizza and hash out the most perfect vows ever!"

"No, guys, not perfect," Nick corrected, "_right_." Monroe smiled, his eyes sparkling.

"Exactly. Okay, what kind of pizza?"


	23. Chapter 23

_In which Monroe's parents meet the Calverts..._

* * *

After the dragging of the days until Rosalee was released from the hospital, suddenly Nick was left wondering where the hell time was going; seemed like he fell asleep Friday night and woke up Wednesday morning. Today was a big deal, as Monroe's parents were coming in and meeting Gloria and DeEtta for the first time to prevent too much awkwardness at the rehearsal dinner on Friday. Nick and Sean had been invited to dinner to serve as referees just in case.

Nick and Sean arrived early, and were pleased to see Rosalee's color was finally back to normal; whatever she and her mother had concocted had done the trick, as she said she felt okay... at least, as okay as she could with the prospect of her future in-laws meeting her mom and sister looming. Nick watched as Gloria put a soft hand on Rosalee's good shoulder and woged. Rosalee woged back, and the two rubbed cheeks, purring.

"It'll be fine, Rosie," the older Fuchsbau whispered.

"I hope so... Bart's a lot like DeEtta, so I just don't want the two of them to get into it..."  
"If they do, Nick will take care of it. Right, Nick?" Gloria smiled up at Nick. She had been the quickest to warm up to the Grimm after hearing of how he helped after Freddy's murder and how he brought Rosalee and Monroe together. She was the one to suggest Nick join them for dinner after hearing about Bart and Alice's less-than-cordial meetings with Rosalee and Nick.

"Of course," Nick said with a smile. Rosalee smiled back.

"Thanks." Nick heard Monroe's phone ringing in the kitchen as the Blutbad was putting the finishing touches on dinner with DeEtta and Sean's help. He wandered out into the living room, wiping his hand on their blue apron.

"Yeah, no, thanks for giving us the heads up. We'll see you soon." He hung up, pocketed his phone, exhaled, and planted a kiss on the crown of Rosalee's head. "They're on their way." Rosalee wrapped her good arm around his waist and he gently embraced her. "I told them you were in the hospital, but I didn't tell them why. Just in case it comes up."

"It probably will," Rosalee muttered. "I should be able to feed myself, but if you could do my a favor and cut my food up for me, that'd be great... " She sighed deeply, burrowing slightly into Monroe's chest. He cocked his head with a slight smile.

"Well, on the bright side, they know everybody's Fuchsbau..." Rosalee laughed a little and shook her head.

"And Sean's our ace in the hole, right?"

"Yep." A clatter was heard from the kitchen, followed by an exclamation from DeEtta. Monroe's head fell back. "I should probably see what that was..." Rosalee nodded, and he kissed her cheek before one more disappearing into the kitchen.

About half an hour later, the doorbell rang. Monroe answered the door, only to be pounced on by his mother. Alice hugged her much-taller son around the waist before turning to Rosalee. Both women smiled before Alice gently hugged her future daughter-in-law. Bart and Monroe awkwardly hugged, and then Bart also hugged Rosalee as if she were made of glass. The Blutbaden seemed resigned to the fact their only son was marrying outside the species. Rosalee then introduced them to her mother and sister. As Nick watched, all of the Blutbaden and Fuchsbau woged and went through some sort of ritual, rubbing cheeks. Monroe and Rosalee participated as well.

"What are they doing?" Nick whispered to Sean.

"_Vertrautheiten_. It's a familiarity ritual. It's partly a trust thing, partly memorizing scents. Especially because Blutbaden used to hunt unfamiliar Wesen. Especially Fuchsbau." The room filled with the sound of six Wesen purring, and ended with Monroe and Rosalee sharing a kiss in their true forms as their families watched. Alice and Gloria both smiled broadly; Bart seemed much less enthused.

"Can we eat? I smell bratwurst."

"Oh, before we forget," Monroe turned to Nick and Sean.

"May I present Sean Renard. He's Nick's boss, the Captain of the Portland Police Department..."

"Renard?" Bart asked suspiciously, "Like the Royal family of Austria Renard?"

"Yeah, like that," Sean muttered as he shook Bart and Alice's hands. Bart's face changed slightly.

"And you're here because..."

"I'm a groomsman." Renard answered, almost daring Bart to make a comment. Bart nodded.

"Oh," the elder Blutbad said simply before turning toward the dinner table.

XxXxX

Everybody was served and sat down to eat. Monroe cut Rosalee's food up for her before he even touched his own plate. Rosalee smiled and batted her eyes at him; he smiled back. Nick noticed Bart watching them as he speared huge chunks of bratwurst on his fork.

"So, what happened to you, Rosalee? Pull something in the bedroom?" Everybody at the table stopped and looked up.

"Bart, PLEASE!" Alice whispered, putting her palm to her forehead. Rosalee looked to Monroe for guidance.

"Ummm... no," he began simply, clearly at a loss for how to continue.

"It's just that Blutbaden men can get very excitable, and I wasn't sure if you could handle..."

"OH MY GOD, DAD!" Monroe's ears were turning red, but the fierce blush was invading his cheeks as well. Gloria and Alice looked horrified; DeEtta's shoulders were shaking in silent laughter.

"What's so funny?" Bart asked. DeEtta let herself laugh loudly.

"Clearly you are unfamiliar with how Fuchsbau vixens operate. We get very excitable as well... I mean, you should have seen the stunt these two pulled in..." DeEtta stopped when she realized that Monroe, Rosalee, Nick, and Sean were glaring at her while Gloria and Alice looked confused. DeEtta cleared her throat. "Anyway, we like to get down, and we go hard or go home. Whether or not Rosie will admit it, I'm sure she can handle your son just fine." She grabbed her wine and took a big gulp. Bart sized DeEtta up once more.

"Clearly I am unfamiliar..." he turned to Rosalee and smiled, "Your sister's a pistol... I like her."

"Of course you do," his son muttered, shaking his head. Gloria and Alice smiled at one another.

"So we're taking our chances with reproducing, are we?" Bart continued gruffly, shoving another large chunk of bratwurst into his mouth.

"Well, umm, if kids happen, kids happen. We'll welcome them, and love them..." Rosalee said quietly. Monroe took her hand in his and brought it to his lips to kiss it. Bart shrugged and went back to his food.

"Well, as weird as this mixing thing still is to me, it's good to know you're not a queer. I would have ripped your cocksucking ladyboy throat out. Damn homos." Nick felt his blood run cold, and Sean's hand gently squeezed his under the table. All three Calverts and Monroe were staring at Bart, who was engrossed in his food. Alice once again covered her face, mortified, before attempting to turn the conversation around.

"So how _did _you hurt yourself, Rosalee?" she asked with forced levity. Rosalee sighed.

"Somebody shot me." Bart looked up, but the look in his eyes was different.

"You took a bullet?" She nodded.

"Robbery?"

"Jealous ex." Nick now recognized the look. Respect. And lots of it. Bart didn't let her finish.

"Angelina? You stood up to _Angelina_? WOW! I never thought I would meet ANYONE who would be able to stand up to _that_ piece of work! And she shot you and you survived? Color me impressed!" Nick's jaw dropped; Sean and Monroe's did as well. Rosalee regarded Bart coolly, apparently deciding that was as good a story as any. Bart turned to Alice. "Maybe I've been wrong this entire time. I mean, she loves him enough to take a bullet for him..." Nick saw Monroe smiling and nodding, taking Rosalee's hand once more.

"Yup. She's a badass. And she's all mine!" Bart looked at his son, his future daughter-in-law, and her sister before turning to his wife.

"You know, this may not be so bad after all."


	24. Chapter 24

_In which we meet the wedding planner and prepare for the wedding rehearsal..._

* * *

Friday arrived, rainy and grey. The weather forecast for Saturday was sunshine with some clouds, but Nick hoped it wouldn't be muddy. Monroe and Rosalee found a nice spot on Mount Hood for the ceremony, but Rosalee was still not one hundred percent with her balance... mud, fancy shoes, and one arm out of commission could be a dangerous combination. Monroe sent Nick a few worried texts during the work day, but as the end of the shift approached, the sun came out, giving Portland a pleasant hazy mist. Nick and Sean carpooled to the site with Monroe and Rosalee. This was supposed to be a very quick rehearsal, and the couple were both in good spirits, singing along quietly to a random love song on the radio. Sean was playing with his phone. Nick's phone buzzed in his pocket.

**We're still pranking them tomorrow, right?** Nick waited until he knew Sean was looking at him and nodded his head slightly with a tiny smile. The couple didn't notice. When the song finished and station cut to commercial, Rosalee turned to Nick and Sean.

"By the way, we are SO sorry about what Bart said the other night..." Nick held up his hand.

"Look, we know you guys have no control over him. And honestly, it's not like he hasn't said stuff like that before..."

"I know, man, but it was still a dick move..." Sean shrugged.

"We can keep a lid on it. It'll be like at work."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't have to if you're happy... You are happy, right?" Rosalee looked pointedly at Nick. "I haven't really had the opportunity to check on you guys. Is your living situation okay?" Nick and Sean both nodded.

"Yeah, it's great... working out nicely." Rosalee smiled.

"GREAT! That's what I like to hear!" The car wound up, and Portland was laid out before them on one side while Mother Nature ran rampant on the other. Monroe turned into a little makeshift parking lot, turned the car off, then jumped out to help Rosalee. With the sun setting, the area seemed alive truly alive, almost as if by magic. Rosalee especially seemed to shine in the golden glow as she smiled at Monroe, who offered his arm to help her balance in the mud. Nick heard the quiet clicking of a phone camera; Sean was taking pictures.

"You let me know if you need me to carry you, okay? It won't be a problem..." Rosalee laughed.

"I think I'll be okay... thanks for the offer, though..." Monroe pressed his lips to his bride's forehead as they wandered to a little outcropping of rocks; they could see Portland in the distance.

"Anything for you. Now and forever." Rosalee shook her head.

"I think we're getting ahead of ourselves. Tomorrow, honey."

"Can you believe it?" the Blutbad whispered to the Fuchsbau, "In 24 hours, we'll be married!"

"And to think it almost didn't happen..." She turned to him and smiled. "My hero!" They kissed as Sean took a few more photos.

"Knock it off, Sean," Monroe mumbled into Rosalee's mouth. They parted and turned back to their friends, Monroe wiping his eyes.

"You're so pretty, though!" Sean whined in a silly voice. Monroe ran his fingers through his hair.

"Why thank you; but we have to acknowledge that I am not nearly as lovely as Rosalee..." Rosalee giggled, and he kissed her cheek. "We're supposed to meet the wedding planner here... I think that's them." He points up the road to a black SUV. The SUV parked next to Rosalee's Fiat, and a tiny African-American got out. They smiled widely when they saw Monroe and Rosalee. They addressed Rosalee first, giving Nick and Sean the opportunity to look them over; they appeared androgynous, hair in cornrows, wearing a bright blue suit with a white dress shirt and black skinny tie. They lifted their well-manicured hand to Rosalee's cheek.

"Oh, my beautiful bride! You are looking so much better! Is he taking good care of you?" Rosalee nodded with a smile as they turned to Monroe. "Of course you are! Only the best for your lady, right?" Monroe also smiled widely.

"Damn right!" Monroe turned the wedding planner to Nick and Sean. "Guys, this is Dakota. Dakota, this is Nick, the best man, and Sean, one of the groomsmen." Dakota enthusiastically shook their hands before turning and whispering something to Monroe. The Blutbad almost had to double over because of the height difference. "That would be Nick. Don't worry, though, he's cool." Dakota nodded, briefly woging Eisbiber.

"Yeah, just your friendly neighborhood Grimm, here to help two of his best friends start their lives together," Nick said with a smile.

"Oh, I like you, honey!" They turned to Rosalee. "Why don't we go check on our spot and the guys can wait for the others? I don't want you straining yourself... watch your step!" The little Eisbiber started to lead her away.

"Really, Dakota, I'm fine..." Dakota laughed. The sound reminded Nick a little of a wind chime, pleasant, tinkling.

"Yes, and then something else happens to you and I get my arm ripped off by a raging Blutbad..." Dakota turned to Monroe, "not that it wasn't well-deserved! I just prefer to keep all my body parts!" Monroe snorts slightly but smiles. Dakota and Rosalee laugh before disappearing into the trees.

"Is that a girl or a guy?" Sean asked when he was sure the Eisbiber was out of earshot. Monroe shrugged.

"No idea. Doesn't really matter. When we interviewed them, we weren't sure, so when we decided to hire them, we asked what sort of pronouns we should use and they said they preferred gender-neutral, so that's what we're using. They already know my parents are probably going to be jerks about it, but they said it isn't the first time and won't be the last. They've been really supportive and helpful, and worth every cent we're paying them, especially these last few days..." Monroe shrugged again "Why? Is it gonna be a problem?"

"Umm, not with us, but your parents..." Monroe rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"My parents can get the hell over it. That's actually part of why we hired them; they specialize in interspecies weddings and have a great attitude when dealing with problematic family members and guests. They can handle my dad. And if not, I have a Grimm, a Royal police captain, and Gloria and DeEtta to back me up."

"The Calverts met them?" Monroe nodded.

"Yeah, at the hospital. Gloria thinks they're just the sweetest thing... speaking of, I think I see Gloria and DeEtta now."

* * *

_A/N: Sorry it's so short; I've got a lot going on right now. I also wanted a more solid idea of what Monroe and Rosalee were planning on doing for their wedding. I think I have a decent handle on it now. _


	25. Chapter 25

_In which a wedding is rehearsed..._

* * *

DeEtta parked their car while Gloria waved happily at the men.

"Hello!" she said as she got out and hugged Monroe around the waist, "Did Rosie and Dakota go on ahead?" Monroe nodded.

"How's she feeling?" DeEtta asked seriously.

"I think at this point she wants to get it over with, but she seems pretty happy..." DeEtta nodded, taking her mother's arm.

"Okay. We'll see you in a bit. Holler if you need us... Come on, Mom..." The Fuchsbau went off in the general direction Rosalee and Dakota had gone, following Rosalee's scent. The rest of the bridal party arrived within the next few minutes, but Monroe stood, looking down the road, frowning. No sign of Bart and Alice. Nick went over and put a hand on his shoulder.

"This isn't like them," the Blutbad muttered under his breath. Nick didn't really know how to respond; they may not be one hundred percent on board, but Bart and Alice had at least warmed up to the situation...

"Oh, wait, that's them." A rental car pulled into the lot, and Bart and Alice got out. Alice immediately hugged her son while Bart looked around, taking deep breaths in.

"Seems... nice, son," he commented gruffly. Monroe nodded, and turned to lead the whole party to the location.

After a short walk along a well-worn but muddy trail, the group found themselves in what looked like the ruins of a small ancient Roman amphitheater with a large stone platform that served as a stage.

"They do summer stock theater out here," Monroe commented absently as he made a beeline for Rosalee, who was sitting on the stage with her mother and sister, talking to Dakota, who was going over last minute details.

"So I'll come by early with my assistant. We'll bring the cushions, ribbons, and other things..." the Eisbiber put a gentle hand on Rosalee's cheek once more. "Don't you worry, I will take care of everything. Once we're done tonight, all I want you to think about is getting some sleep, and dreaming about this wonderful man you're going to marry tomorrow!" Monroe arrived at Rosalee's side and gently kissed her cheek.

"Sounds like a plan, Dakota." Bart and Alice stood next to Monroe; Bart was looking Dakota over in a way that made Nick uncomfortable. Before Monroe could introduce them, Bart grabbed Monroe's arm and dragged him away. Nick started to follow, but the agitation in Bart's voice gave him pause.

"Monroe, what the hell is that thing?"

"That would be an Eisbiber, Dad. We know quite a few of them."

"This is no time to be a smartass, son. Is that a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know, and I don't care."

"How can you not care?"

"Well, since neither of us are interested in having sex with them, I don't think it matters."

"What's it's name?"

"Their name is Dakota. Dakota Jones. Also, stop calling them an it!"

"Stop calling it a they!"

"Stop being an ass, Dad!" At that moment, Dakota made their way over to the arguing Blutbaden; the little Eisbiber seemed to know exactly what was going on.

"You must be Bart!" they said, extending a hand. Bart stared at it. Monroe nudged his father, the tips of his ears beginning to turn red.

"Dad, don't be rude."

"I don't want to touch it." Monroe slapped his forehead.

"I am so sorry, Dakota. What my dad means is..."

"What are you?" Bart interrupted. Dakota stood up as straight and tall as they could

"I am an Eisbiber, but I know that isn't what you mean. I identify as agender. I don't identify as male, I don't identify as female. I am just a person." Bart shook his head.

"You mean you can't decide?"

"Dad..." Monroe growled. Dakota held up their hand.

"We can finish this conversation later, but we are burning daylight. If it makes you uncomfortable, you are welcome to leave. Come on, Monroe, your lady awaits." Monroe and Dakota turned and walked back to the larger group, leaving Bart stewing. Alice rushed to her son, concerned, but when Monroe quickly and quietly explained the issue, she rolled her eyes.

"I'll talk to him," the Blutbad matron sighed.

"I am so sorry, Dakota," Monroe began, pinching the bridge of his nose, but Dakota just patted his arm.

"Later. Let's bang this out first."

"Aye aye, Captain."

Since Monroe's parents were not expressly necessary in the rehearsal, they sat and watched; Bart still looked angry, but Alice was looking longingly at the group as they figure out the exit and entrance and who would stand where when. She clearly wanted to be closer to her son and the group. At one point, Rosalee slipped in a patch of mud, but Monroe caught her and scooped her up, and, despite her protestations, refused to put her down anywhere except the stone stage. Nick couldn't help smiling at his friend's stubbornness. As the sun was setting, Dakota declared the rehearsal complete, and they should start making their way back to the cars if they were going to keep their dinner reservation. Monroe once more picked Rosalee up.

"Stop! Put me down!" she shrieked with a giggle.

"No," he said simply, leading the way back to the parking lot. Rosalee seemed to accept what was happening and snuggled against his chest. The others in the group followed, but out of the corner of his eye, Nick saw a flash of blue going in the other direction. Nick grabbed Sean's arm. The Royal's green eyes followed the little Eisbiber, who was marching resolutely over to where Bart and Alice were still sitting.

"Do you think we should..." Sean began.

"Yes," Nick said, and they turned around to follow.

* * *

_Sorry it took so long and is again very short; I've just had a whole mess of real life stuff happen. Confrontation between Dakota and Bart coming, along with much more. Thanks for sticking with me- your continued patronage means a lot to me right now owo  
_


	26. Chapter 26

_In which a bigot is confronted..._

* * *

Dakota marched over to where Bart and Alice were sitting; Alice looked embarrassed, hiding red cheeks in her hands, but Bart stared straight ahead in the fading light. Nick and Sean stood a little off to the side, unsure what to do. The tiny little Eisbiber sat down in front of Monroe's parents and waited. They all waited in silence, until Bart broke it roughly a minute later.

"So what the hell are you?"

"Why does it matter so much to you?" Dakota countered.

"Because I did NOT raise my son to be a fucking hippie! First he goes Wieder, then he gives up meat! Then he starts screwing a Fuchsbau and decides he wants to marry her! Then he makes friends with a Grimm and hunts with him! And then he lets a fucking... whatever the fuck you are... plan his wedding! With the fucking Grimm standing by his side as he marries...!"

"BART, please! Stop it!" Alice interjected, looking on the verge of tears. "You know he loves Rosalee! And she took a bullet for him, so you know she loves him, too! And you said you would be okay as long as Nick left you alone... Why are you acting like this?"

"Because it's too fucking much, Alice! There is only so much of this nonsense I will tolerate from him! How are they going to raise children? OUR grandchildren?"

"If what I've seen is any indication, with a lot of love and respect," Dakota said quietly.

"And what the hell would you even know about raising children, you... you freak!"

"I was raised by parents! I have a mother and a father... and two brothers and a sister."

"Is that why you can't decide what you are?" Nick and Sean started moving a little closer. Dakota bit their lip.

"I know what I am, and as I told you before, I am neither male nor female."

"How is that possible?" Bart was getting very angry, staring hard at the wedding planner. Alice shook her head, got up, and walked away without a word; Bart was too absorbed in his staring contest to notice. Dakota matched Bart's gaze in intensity, and Nick and Sean stood together, still puzzling out how to help. Dakota broke the silence, but their gaze did not falter.

"It shouldn't matter to you what body parts I have. It isn't important unless you're looking to cheat on your wife. Or if you're expecting her to cheat on you."

"You stay away from Alice!" Bart lunged forward, but Dakota was too quick. Nick and Sean appeared on either side of the Eisbiber, and Nick put on his best "angry Grimm" face. Dakota looked flustered, smoothing their tie.

"Not that it's your business, but I guess now is a good time to tell you that I am asexual as well as agender."

"What? What the hell does that even mean? Are you a homo?" Dakota rolled their eyes.

"No. It means I have no sex drive. I am not sexually attracted to either gender, or to anyone for that matter." Bud cocked his head in a very canine look of confusion. Dakota sighed. "I basically have as much desire to have sex with you, your wife, or anyone else as you desire to have sex with the rock you're sitting on."

"But how is that possible?"

"Bart, look," Dakota began quietly, "I am a very, very patient person, sir, but I can see that there is no way through your thick skull. It is NOT your business. And more importantly, what does this have to do with the wedding? Nothing! Haven't Monroe and Rosalee been through enough without you acting like a petulant child, fixating on something that has no bearing on the ceremony, their commitment to each other, their future? You are doing them a great disservice by fixating on _me_! They interviewed me and a few other wedding planners, but they hired _me_ because I am THE BEST at what I do. I have worked with them and supported them as much as any member of the bridal party, if not more. And you know what? I've already been paid, and they gave me my price and a half because I've been so helpful and because they knew the potential for disaster this day could bring. They have taken literally EVERY potential disaster into account, everything from rain to a volcanic eruption to a PWO* demonstration to an all-out Grimm-versus-Wesen smackdown. Because they love each other, and they love their friends and family. They are by far one of the sweetest, most considerate couples I have had the pleasure of working with, and it makes me ill, physically ill, that you would not be able to hold your tongue and keep your opinion to yourself long enough to let them have their moment. If I were anything less than a consummate professional, I would not be going to this dinner right now and I would tell them they were out of luck for tomorrow. But I will not do that. I am a professional, and I NEVER let my brides and grooms down. And I will especially not let _them_ down because they deserve the best day I can possibly offer them."

"But my son..."

"You son is almost forty goddamn years old! He is perfectly capable of making decisions for himself! He gets to decide what he eats, whom he marries, who his friends are, who plans his wedding, and how his children will be raised. Not you, not Alice, not Gloria, not Nick. And all he wants from you is to trust him enough to do so! I suggest that if you have ANY love for your son at all, you will keep your damn mouth shut tomorrow. After that, you'll never see me again, and you can go back to whatever backward-ass little rock you hide under and call home. Now, if you'll excuse me, my clients are waiting." Dakota turned and marched back toward the parking lot without so much as a backward glance. Bart made to lunge again, but met with both a Grimm and a Royal blocking his path.

"What, are you two homos, too?" Bart asked angrily. Sean put his hand on Nick's shoulder.

"And what if we are?" the Royal asked, projecting every ounce of his authority as a Royal and as a police captain. All of the color drained from Bart's face. "It shouldn't matter. And it doesn't matter. What matters is we are important enough to your son to be here, with him, as he pledges his life to the woman he's been searching for his whole life."

"And they deserve this," Nick added, "after all they've been through, together and apart, they deserve to have a beautiful day surrounded by their love and people who love them. And if you can't let them have that, you will be dealing with me." Nick punctuated the sentiment by poking Bart in the chest, causing the Blutbad to jump back, woging in terror.

"You... you wouldn't kill me at my son's wedding..." The elder Blutbad sputtered.

"I didn't say I would kill you... I was thinking more along the lines of cutting your tongue out, save us all a headache..."

"You know," Sean added, his voice betraying his deathly serious expression, "if we heat the blade up first, it'll cauterize the wound so you wouldn't need to go to the hospital right away..."

"Ooh, good thinking, Sean. Learn that technique from your family?" Sean shrugged. Bart was now sweating profusely, swaying slightly. He looked faint.

"Now, sir," Sean said, eyes burning like peridots lit from within by the fires of Hell itself, "do we have your cooperation for the rest of the night and tomorrow, or do you need more incentive to behave?"

"Like... wh...what?" Bart choked out quietly, as if he feared the answer above anything else.

"I could woge for you. How do you like Zauberbiest?"

"N..no... I'll be... good... I promise..."

"Good!" Nick said, trying to hit a sweet spot between cheeriness and dire threat. It must have worked, as Bart gulped and nodded frantically.

"We... we shouldn't keep them waiting..." the Blutbad whispered.

"No, we shouldn't!" Sean agreed as Nick's phone buzzed. A text from Monroe.

**Hurry up. Rosalee's hungry. Don't smack him around too much, we have a reservation to keep.**

"Monroe says Rosalee's hungry. We don't want to keep them waiting." Nick said with a toothy smile. "After you, Bart." Bart gulped again, and started heading toward the parking lot, casting glances behind him every few steps. Nick and Sean followed close behind him.

* * *

_*In the Grimm comics, the PWO or Purewelt Orden is a group of Wesen who actively crusade against interspecies marriage and interbreeding, upholding the Reinheitsgebot, or purity laws. According to the comics, their method of demonstrating is kidnapping the bride and groom and burning them at a stake together and making the remains into sausage._


End file.
